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To ask if you would let your let your DD almost 13 go to an under 18 night at local nightclub

(60 Posts)
scattermummy Tue 16-Oct-12 09:35:06

DD is 13 in January,she wants to go to an under 18 night at liquid in Newcastle with her friends.
I said no chance to her.
She says all her friends are allowed.I think she is too young.

However,I was brought up by strict parents and remember not being able to do stuff and by the time I was 15 ,I would just lie about where I was.

I had a friend who was allowed to do what she liked and I would go there and we would go clubbing and go back to her house.

Part of me thinks that if I don't want her to lie in future,maybe I should let her go and teach her to be open.

We could pick her up and take her,but I cant help feeling like it is a slippery slope and that she is only 12.

avivabeaver Tue 16-Oct-12 09:39:01

Is she allowed in? The ones here you have to be 13 and they are sticklers for proof of age.

I would be inclined to let her go at 13. The one local to us is very good- it is £10 for entrance and soft drinks- good staff levels- zero tolerance of any booze sneaked in and local community officers so if someone is badly behaved they have to go wait with them til a parent comes to collect.

its considered babyish by the time they are 14!

be warned tho- it aint a pretty sight at turning out time!

PinkFairyDust Tue 16-Oct-12 09:39:28

Pick her up and take her up home
They will not be any alcohol nor drugs there - make sure she has a phone on her with credit that if she wants to leave she can text you and your pick her up.

Give her a little bit of independence

Themumsnot Tue 16-Oct-12 09:40:12

She is 12. I think that is way too young for a night like that. I would let my 15 year old go, but not my 12 year old. I agree that you need to give her age-appropriate freedom, but that 'let them do what they want so they don't do it behind your back' argument is not one I favour. You CAN and SHOULD know where a 12-year-old is at all times, and even a 15-year-old.
My 15 year old went out with friends to a comedy show last night and my 12 year old was desperate to go with her, but I said no. That's my job, regardless of how much she didn't like it!

I was about 13 when I started going to under 18 club nights. At 16 I was going to over 18 nights. I was dropped off and collected, and never once bought a drink or got up to anything iffy. I think it depends hugely on your DD, how mature you think she is, and what your gut tells you. At the under 18's nights, most kids were well under 16. It wasn't 'cool' to be 17 and hanging out with 13 year olds. They played cheesy music and sold soft drinks. We stood around giggling about boys and running messages back and forth to the opposing boy camp. It was all very innocent and 'playing at grown ups'. But go with your gut.

Felicitywascold Tue 16-Oct-12 09:43:26

I would say she may go... When she is 13. If that's the age it is advertised at. No point in setting a precedent for being allowed to do things below the 'official' age at this point.

Kalisi Tue 16-Oct-12 09:44:09

I went to a couple aged 13 and I consider my parents to have been quite strict. As a previous poster said, I think she has to be 13 before they let you in. Believe me Under age clubbing is NOTHING like the real thing. She'll be fine.

BarbarianMum Tue 16-Oct-12 09:45:23

No. smile

I just think if she's doing this at 12, by 14 she'll want the next step and so on and so on. Better to have stuff to look forward to as you get older. But I am old fashioned and authoritarian.

Latara Tue 16-Oct-12 09:48:25

I wouldn't let her go, but i'll probably be in minority.

Club owners aren't worried about child safety; they're after making a profit.
There will be young men age 16 or over who go just to take advantage of much younger girls.

But it's true that anything she could do in a club she could also do straight after school (drink, drugs, smoking, messing with boys etc.).

The best thing is to make sure you know who her friends are & what they are into - whether she goes clubbing is irrelevant if she's friends with girls who will lead her astray IYSWIM.

DrWhoExterminatesMyBrain Tue 16-Oct-12 09:49:20

I started going to under 18 nights at 13 tbh the one i went to wasnt much different to a real night minus the drugs and alcohol. Was the same club, music, lights etc you had to que to get in, were searched by the same security before entry, frequently got your bum pinched by the lads, bitchy girls in the toilets, but i was always safe enough, nobody would of dreamed getting dropped off by their parents though! this was 10 years ago so it may have changed.

stinklebell Tue 16-Oct-12 09:50:01

Yes, I would

Our local club does under 18 night, 13+ though, strict bouncers

I'd drop her off and pick her up though

cantspel Tue 16-Oct-12 09:51:57

The nightclub near my work holds these events all through the summer. The only problem is the number of cars picking up and dropping off the kids. I wouldn't worry about 16 to 18 year old boys being there and taking advantage because honestly there wont be any as they just are not interested in hanging with the 13 year olds.

PumpkInDublic Tue 16-Oct-12 10:01:48

I wouldn't. Things might have changed since I was going to these things but there was a lot of drugs around. Plus Liquid might be doing an Under 18 but the town isn't.

You know your daughter best though. Good luck as I am dreading these times to come with my son.

ratspeaker Tue 16-Oct-12 10:27:02

Email or contact the club and find out their lower age limit, you will probably also find out that no over 18s are allowed entry
If you need reassurance ask about the bar , it will be soft drinks only.

There will be door staff watching for booze being sneaked in, around here the nightclubs and even the ice rink have zero tolerance for alcohol.

Look on it as a youth club.

If she is going with friends you may be able to have a "rota" going with other parents for drop off and collection and so get an evening off to yourself.

What slippery slope are you worried she will end up sliding down?
Do you not trust her?

impty Tue 16-Oct-12 10:33:44

No. I wouldn't.

I loved clubbing and did go to them (adult ones) from age 16/17+ and had a good 10 years of partying hard! I wouldn't just because there will be enough time for all of that once she's older.

But she's your daughter, you know her and you know what you feel comfortable with.

I might consider it with dd1 whose 15, it would be a no to dd2 whose just off 12.

12ylnon Tue 16-Oct-12 10:40:14

I would if you think she'll be sensible and stay with her friends. I used to live oposite a club that did an under 18 club about 4 times a year. The bouncers were excellent. There was no way for alcohol to get in, and those that had gotten drunk before trying to get in were turned away and the bouncers would help them call their parents or call them a taxi. They didn't just let them go wondering out of the club, so i'm sure she'll be perfectly safe.
I think you just need to make it very clear to her that you're trusting her to go, and there will be serious consequences if she doesn't obey the rules.

pictish Tue 16-Oct-12 10:44:13

No. Those under 18 club nights are not all fizzy pop and Beyonce's latest routine...they are hormonal cesspits.

I would require my child to be 14 going on 15 before I'd allow it.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 16-Oct-12 10:44:41

my older kids have allways gone from the age the venue says is ok (has been 11-16 or 12-17) its brilliant, i know most of the staff who run the event and have done for years they are even happy to provide additional help for the ones with sn's this is usualy by asking me to tell them in advance and them providing a perticular supervisor who i used to live with,in addition to there normal ammount of supervision.

its brilliant,they get to feel like they are away from parents/proper carers cos hes a cool bouncer but because they know him and he knows them they are all happy with it. the kids really love it. i do stay very nearby but the kids dont know this. and my kids get brought out half an hour before everyone else so we avoid the mainicness that happens when it kicks out.

pictish Tue 16-Oct-12 10:45:18

Oh and by the way - I don't have a poker up my arse at all - I'm a liberal easygoing parent that gives my kids a lot of independence....but I know those under 18 events, and they are not for the innocent.

CookieRookie Tue 16-Oct-12 10:48:14

No way.

I know there are a lot of factors to take into consideration like individual maturity, supervision, friend base, allowing increasing independance but my answer would still be no.

As a paramedic I've lost count of the very young teenagers I've brought to hospital, their clothes around their waist, vomit in their hair, stupified by alcohol an god knows what else. Their friends proclaiming they didn't drink and someone must have spiked their 7up! Their parents arriving having gotten a call after midnight proclaiming they were sure there was no alcohol allowed, was adequate supervision, are we sure they weren't spiked, she's a really good kid, honest. I could write all day about them.

No matter how mature my dd appears, no matter the promises she makes I know she wants to fit in and be cool like the rest of them. That's what leads to alcohol poisoning and finding yourself in a watery ditch at 2am abandoned by your friends. I won't go into the far more serious stories but what I've just said is only the tip of the iceberg. I'm sure there are other paramedics and ED nurses who can relate.

Sorry, NO WAY!

Poppylovescheese Tue 16-Oct-12 10:50:46

My parents were very over-protective so I lied about where I was going, who with etc etc and put myself in untold danger through it. I would let her, have very clear rules and let her show you if she is responsible enough to stick to them.

MrsSchadenfreude Tue 16-Oct-12 10:51:30

Yes, and I do - she goes with all of her friends - a huge crowd of girls. The night club is open from 7 to 10.30, serves soft drinks only and they all get hoofed out at 10.30 because it opens for its regular clientele at 11.00. As far as I can tell they just dance a lot, play some silly games, drink lots of fizzy pop, and parents all pick them up at 10.30 on the dot. Have never seen anyone there who looks older than 15!

scattermummy Tue 16-Oct-12 10:51:38

Ratspeaker,with regards to the slippery slope thing,I just mean,if she wants to do this now,what will it be in a year or two.

She is very sensible actually and a little bit on the anxious/neurotic side so she likes to feel safe and will keep in touch when she is out and about.

The discos i used to go to were in a small town so somehow felt a bit different to Newcastle,however,it's not her fault that she doesn't live in the sticks!

I think the idea of finding out the age restriction is good.If it is 13 then I will deffo not let her go until then.

She has only just got Facebook as I said she had to wait till she was 13.
She did get it a few months before ,because everybody else really did have it. Lots of them got it in year 6 so she was made to wait.

Poppylovescheese Tue 16-Oct-12 10:52:03

Oh and those saying 14 before they would allow their kids to go: no-one wants to go at that age! Its only cool for about 18 months from 12 upwards.

valiumredhead Tue 16-Oct-12 10:52:24

No, not unless it's a school disco which ds seems to enjoy - thank God.

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