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to feel like I'm a crap mum

(13 Posts)
lazycoconutree Mon 15-Oct-12 19:21:28

I have an absolutely beautiful, funny, affectionate, darling 3 yr old dd. But she also challenges me in ways I never thought I could be challenged!

She writes on walls to see if the color is different to when she writes on paper, stuffs pebbles down the sink, makes chalk 'paint'!
I love her creativity, but I'm fed up.

It doesn't matter what it is, nothing is safe from her little fingers.
I work from home and today she took my pens took then apart (god knows when)
This is a conversation we have had several times, not to touch anything in my work space, and tonight I just had enough, so I told her to find the bloody pieces of all my pens, and she could not play anything or watch any tv. Her older sister was watching a movie as a special treat.

She was heartbroken, cried heaps, finally went to bed saying she "never wanted a mummy like this"
I feel utterly shitty.

Dh thinks I'm being too hard on her, and she's only little.
But I'm fed up with nothing being 'mine'. It's not about the pens but about respecting that some things are out of bounds.
I never had this particular challenge with my older dd, so what am I doing wrong??

QueenofLouisiana Mon 15-Oct-12 19:24:05

I don't have any words of wisdom, but have felt the same before now. Have some wine to chill out with.

lazycoconutree Mon 15-Oct-12 19:25:29

I cried heaps too.
I feel utterly crappy, but I still want my blood pens!!

lazycoconutree Mon 15-Oct-12 19:25:54

I cried heaps too.
I feel utterly crappy, but I still want my bloody pens!!

CailinDana Mon 15-Oct-12 19:27:52

You're not doing anything wrong, she is just a different child to your DD1 and she needs much more supervision. Please don't fall into the trap of comparing her, even privately, because as she gets older she will improve but it will be very hard for her to get out of the pigeonhole of being "naughty." She honestly doesn't mean to upset you, she just doesn't have the skills yet to know how to behave properly.

Does she go to nursery at all?

monkeysbignuts Mon 15-Oct-12 19:28:07

oh yes I know exactly how you feel!
I have all my make up in my wardrobe which has been fine until now when my kids 5 & 3 took a step to open the wardrobe, take out said make up & destroy!
Nothing is sacred with kids op. you are not a bad mum x

QueenofLouisiana Mon 15-Oct-12 19:31:45

Sorry, I had to post and run to finish a bedtime story. It sounded a bit abrupt. What I meant was that I don't think you are a crap mum, I think you have had a tough day and I hope you have a better evening. Try and have a bit of "me time" tonight, even if it is just a bath with a good book.

it doesn't get any better my 19yr old ds still thinks that anything in my cupboard in the bathroom is his to use no matter how many times he is told to stay off my things... drives me demented

Hyperballad Mon 15-Oct-12 19:34:31

You are a fantastic mum! You must be to have brought up such a bright creative little girl. She is obviously really inquisitive, thinks a lot and is really creative. I think she is going places!

I bet it is so much more intense with you working from home. But this isn't her fault. Just keep explaining to her what she can and can't do and just remember it is unlikely to last long, it never does!

I second you having a glass of wine smile

GhostofMammaTJ Mon 15-Oct-12 19:41:28

I could tell you many tales about my DD2 and her messing with my things. Actually, I think I will, it may make you feel better.

I left my food colouring gels in an old ice cream box in the kitchen. She was 6 at the time and she decided to spread the navy blue one all over my house!!

She has cut her hair too many times to mention.

She has written the entire words to 'A knight won his spurs' on my hall wall. Very well spelt and remembered though, if I wasn't so depressed I would have been impressed.

She has signed her brothers name on the wall too, but forgot he could not yet write it.

She is 7 and has yet to stop this. Hopefully your DD will stop sooner though.

Each time I do yell and scream but she still knows I love her!! She is secure enough in that love to keep doing it after all. grin

crackcrackcrak Mon 15-Oct-12 19:46:47

What about those little child locks on some drawers?
Dies sound like she needs more supervision. I dread this as I also have a dd1 who is no problem and dd2 onbthecway who I think could be somewhat different!

KenandDeirdre Mon 15-Oct-12 20:02:44

Be assured that you are a fabulous Mum - simply posting your concern here shows that you are NOT crap. Children are challenging!! And remember that they are all different - do not compare your own children with each other and do not compare with other people's children. Big mistake!! You will always find something lacking.

Keep going - persevere. Things will improve.

lazycoconutree Mon 15-Oct-12 20:10:51

Thank you everyone!

Ghost- you made me laugh! Thank you.
I look forward to her antics, and I hope she knows how important she is to me!

I love her to bits, and I think her creativity and imagination are fantastic.
I try to give her enough space and stuff to explore things, but it seems that she zones into the things she's really not meant to do. I know it's not to make my life more difficult, but the pens for some reasonwere my tipping point.

She does go to nursery, reluctantly and is an absolute angel.
But prefers being at home with me.

I do try to supervise her, and I honestly thought that today she was with me, around where I could keep an eye on her all day. Obviously not!

Calin I try very very hard not to compare the 2 sisters. My younger dd is very very different and I love her spirit but what i find hard is her lack of understanding/ respect of boundaries.
I guess that's why I say she challenges me in ways I haven't been challenged.
I adore her. I just don't want to feel like I have to 'hid' my things.

Its much harder working from home (love the flexibility though!) because I can't just switch off and work. There's always something else in the background.

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