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To think that in this case, qualifications are no match for experience?

(23 Posts)
DinosaursOnASpaceship Mon 15-Oct-12 15:31:46

Had a joyful couple if hours listening to exp moaning on yesterday (it was thrilling, topics covered how I am a lazy neglectful mother to ds3 - because I prefered to spen my time with him as a baby actually looking after him rather than on my knees scrubbing the kitchen floor, how having 2 under 2 will be a piece of cake if I actually get off my lazy arse and how i am also lazy for consleeping to how unfair I was to have ever expected him to do anything with his child as he had to go to work and evenings and weekends were his time off) I should know by now never to listen to a word that comes out his ignorant mouth hmm but this particular bit of the conversation was said in front of ex inlaws who all agreed with him.

ExSil has childcare qualifications - I think she has some sort of early years certificates although doesn't work in a school/nursery or directly with children. She has no children.

I have 3 soon to be 4 children. I have no qualifications in childcare but have been a parent for over 10 years.

Ex was saying that I ought to be letting (16 month old) ds3 go for sleepovers with his aunt and uncle, god parents etc and I said that he was to young. Then he started saying how exSil would be so much better with ds3 than I was, could look after him better, would be a better parent etc because she had qualifications and I didn't.

I said that in this case, my experience as a parent was far more valuable - its all very well reading about how to take care of being a toddler but being a parent 24 hours a day is something you can't learn how to do by reading a book.

Not that anyone listened hmm

AlmostAHipster Mon 15-Oct-12 15:36:05

Why are you even listening to this silly little man?

If he's your ex, you don't have to interact with him at all, apart from perhaps arranging when he's going to pick up the children. Hang up or close the door!

Paiviaso Mon 15-Oct-12 15:39:01

In most cases in life I have found experience to be much more valuable than qualifications.

Why would you waste two hours listening to someone spout nonsense? You don't have to endure it!

SugariceAndScary Mon 15-Oct-12 15:42:51

He's a twat, I can see why he's your ex if that's how he speaks to you.

Ignore him.

LFCisTarkaDahl Mon 15-Oct-12 15:50:04

Your ex and his family are arses.

But I'm a carer, not a parent - I did indeed learn to care for children (fostering) by reading, training, having common sense - I'm pretty good at it even though I haven't given birth wink

DinosaursOnASpaceship Mon 15-Oct-12 16:01:37

It was a family meal for one of his elderly relatives who still thinks we are together (because I am pregnant, and she is old and poorly. Wouldn't have wanted to upset her) so I decided I could put up with it for a couple of hours. I am trying to stay on speaking terms with him as when ds4 is around I will need his help for a couple of weeks and he will have to see the new baby at mine as I will be breastfeeding so hoping to keep things amicable.

He's a real charmer hmm thinks he knows everything and everything and I can do no right but it was his family agreeing with him that made me wonder.

VinegarTits Mon 15-Oct-12 16:03:15

does he think that parents need qualifications to have kids? if so ask him were his are? arsehole

DinosaursOnASpaceship Mon 15-Oct-12 16:03:57

LFC - the difference is your are parenting, doing the day to day stuff, the sleepless nights and the worrying etc you don't have to have given birth to be a parent smile but exSil has never so much as spent an entire day with a child and her experience is solely text based. I think people like you - carers and foster parents are amazing.

Mrsjay Mon 15-Oct-12 16:05:03

He is your EX you don't need to listen to his abusive shit , and FWIW i have ancient childcare qualifications and it is so different than being a parent, again he is your EX you don't need to listen or take it

cantspel Mon 15-Oct-12 16:05:05

How come it took you to child number 4 to figure out the fact that he is an arse?

Iheardthatpardon Mon 15-Oct-12 16:05:57

Yup just what VinegarTits said! grin

RubyCreakingGates Mon 15-Oct-12 16:08:15

Does he have a childcare qualification? If not, what makes him think he's such an expert? hmm

elliejjtiny Mon 15-Oct-12 16:08:33

For what it's worth I had childcare qualifications before I had children. Now I have 6 years experience of being a mother and I learnt a lot more being a mother than when I did my GNVQ or my degree.

LordGiveMeStrength Mon 15-Oct-12 16:08:35

Sounds like a complete nob.

But all that being said, I think at 16 months, a night at aunties house might be nice for both of you? I think I've kept my sanity by being able to access my SIL's who love having my kids overnight. We haven't done it loads, but I don't blink an eye and the kids love it. My SIL's are both mums and clued in and they stick to my (completely overly obsessive blush ) routines.

DinosaursOnASpaceship Mon 15-Oct-12 16:11:23

It didn't - it took me having one child with him (my others aren't his and have a brilliant dad even though we aren't together) and then an accidental pregnancy (didn't find out until after I'd left him) for me to realise what a prick he is. It just took me a while to get up the courage to leave him after the realisation as I was so used to being useless and wrong that you start to second guess yourself.

I usually let what he says go in one ear and out the other but occassionally something slips through. I usually answer everything by saying "oh well people have different priorities" when accused of anything.

VinegarTits Mon 15-Oct-12 16:14:10

i would be tempted let all 3 of them stay at xsil's for a week, let her put her money where her mouth is, and give your a little break before no 4 comes along

and does x-arsewipe have them overnight at all?

VinegarTits Mon 15-Oct-12 16:16:56

oh just seen that only 1 is his, forget my last post grin just send your little one for a week and make sure its when a new tooth is coming through, i bet xsil will be grey by the end of it

FolkGhoul Mon 15-Oct-12 16:18:09

Tell them all to fock off.

I got a PGCE. I learned more about being a teacher from actual teaching than I ever did sitting in lectures learning about teaching and writing essays about teaching.

I passed my driving test. I learned more about driving a car from actual driving than I did during my driving lessons.

I think I've made my point!

DinosaursOnASpaceship Mon 15-Oct-12 16:18:11

LordGiveMe - Im sure ds3 would have a lovely time staying over but they don't really know him, have never looked after him and I don't think he would settle. He still co sleeps and hasn't slept a full night through yet so it wouldn't be fair on anyone. I would let him stay over with exmil and exfil, as much as they aren't keen on me, they adore ds3. I have never known anyone to have as much patience or get as much pleasure out of every little thing ds does as them. They spend a lot of time with him and mil can pre empt him and his moods as well as I can.

Iheardthatpardon Mon 15-Oct-12 16:18:48

haha yes - send them all over to XSIL for the night! Have a lovely pamper evening and restful night! wicked grin

DinosaursOnASpaceship Mon 15-Oct-12 16:24:00

Nope he doesn't have him over night as he says he can't do bedtimes because ds won't sleep for him. He couldn't do more than 2 hours on his own, if he does have him it has to be out of the house (he says ds cries when he has him in the house - which is because he puts him in his playpen and leaves the room to do something much more important like stroppily throw things into the sink to prove a point that it is possible to do loads of house work with a baby around and then he wonders why ds screams all the time) and when he has him he takes him to his mums or his nans and sits back and relaxes whilst ds3 gets his own personal audience.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Mon 15-Oct-12 16:31:27

He and his family sound like cunts. I know you were trying to be nice to the elderly lady but i wouldn't spend any more time in their company. Nasty people!

My sil has called me lazy more times then i can remember because i am a stay at home mum. I also run my own business but apparently that doesn't count! confused

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 15-Oct-12 17:08:58

I was beginning to think we shared an ex, but my sil does have children (although she didn't when I was told that I should let her look after baby ds1, as she was qualified and would do a better job than me)

Ex's latest is that his new gf is s better mother than me because she cooks her kids a roast every Sunday and I don't!

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