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AIBU?

Schools rewarding badly behaved children

236 replies

blondiemommy · 15/10/2012 14:07

I am sick of DS's school rewarding the children who are frequently naughty, unruly in class and cause misery to the other children. Ds has been having bother with such a child at school, I have had to visit his teacher twice this term to explain how upset he has been. He was withdrawn from playtime for a week for hitting and punching my DS. First week back in the playgound and he is rewarded star of the week. It stinks! What about the children who are well behaved and try on a daily basis? I understand the school are trying to encourage good behaviour but I think it is demoralising for the others.

OP posts:

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MaureenCognito · 15/10/2012 14:08

its a tricky one isnt it. hard to motivate bad kids without rewarding them, how would you do it ?

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights · 15/10/2012 14:09

Yabu. The child had had his punishment...playtime removed...then he was rewarded for his good behaviour the following week. How is that bad?

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights · 15/10/2012 14:10

Also...it isn't demoralising for the others...how is someone being rewarded for trying, demorallising?

socharlotte · 15/10/2012 14:11

YANBU and it plays right into their hands because they know they have to be naughty for a while so they are noticed and rewarded when they decide to be good.

blondiemommy · 15/10/2012 14:12

I just think it is sending out the wrong signals. Do something naughty, repent and you'll be rewarded. Giving the child responsibilty maybe in class to give him some self worth?

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Tailtwister · 15/10/2012 14:13

If this child was punished for his bad behaviour then it's just as important he's rewarded for good behaviour. It's his behaviour he's measured against, not everyone else's. Surely it's better he's behaving himself than not?

JuliaScurr · 15/10/2012 14:14

why don't they reward all the kids who are behaving well?

blondiemommy · 15/10/2012 14:14

Also, I believe the trouble is still going on in the playground, DS has come to the point when he says he is the one who would rather stay in to avoid him!

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ClippedPhoenix · 15/10/2012 14:14

This used to get my hackles up to be honest too OP. My DS was a lovely well behaved child in junior school but time and time again the naughty ones won prizes for being good or a couple of weeks

lljkk · 15/10/2012 14:15

I take the view that it's harder for that child to be well-behaved, and that's what the Star Award is about, it's about effort not absolute achievement. I wouldn't want DC to get lots of awards for things that came very easily to them, anyway.

I've had this talk with DC & they seem to accept my POV (eventually). I tell them "You do the right thing because it's the right thing, regardless of what others do or whether you get congratulated for it." A lot of life is like that, really.

PumpkInDublic · 15/10/2012 14:16

Old school did this, behavior was awful. DS's new school rewards effort evenly across the board, amazing behavior. I know this is a small sample and just my experience but I know which I think is fairer.

Old school the bully had to not bully for a day and they practically threw a fucking parade.

New school would reward the bully for good behavior as there was an improvement but also rewards the efforts of children who are regularly well behaved.

The key should be rewarding improvement and good behavior for everyone rather than just those who are usually badly behaved.

Ephiny · 15/10/2012 14:16

YANBU. I can understand the reasoning behind this sort of thing, but it seems counter-productive to me. Surely the message it's sending to the child is one of low expectations, that they deserve a reward just for not behaving badly, as though that's the most they can expect themselves to be capable of. It would be better for their self-esteem IMO if they were held to the same expectations as the 'good' children.

And I can imagine how it's annoying for the other children too.

pongysticks · 15/10/2012 14:17

YANBU -I agree with you all the naughty ones as DS school get awards and merits well before the good kids -it really annoys me when my DS age 8 says maybe I should be naughtier to get more merits!!

Prarieflower · 15/10/2012 14:18

YANBu and our school are finally changing their reward system after complaints from parents.

It's so very wrong when badly behaved children get rewarded for doing what many others do day in and day out ie behaving themselves.It sends dreadful messages out to both.In my dd's class you could tell at a glance who the naughty kids were as on the star chart they had so many stickers they couldn't fit on.

My dd gave up trying to get Sof the W as it was just the same kids getting it.Sorry but dd may be good at school but there is plenty she could work towards and get rewarded for ditto with plenty of other children I'm sure.

I think this kind of reward system is a very lazy way of managing bad behaviour to be frank.

Witchety · 15/10/2012 14:19

Agree with tailtwister

But why did you have to go into school? Had they not picked up on the behaviour?

ddubsgirl · 15/10/2012 14:19

my ds1 had his tooth knocked out of place and chipped and now has a brace due to another kid hitting him the boy got sent home for the afternoon and the following week he got to play football everyday in the afternoons while all the well behaved kids were stuck in the classroom.

BonVoyageCharlieBrown · 15/10/2012 14:21

I am having similar issues with the reward scheme at my childs school. They all get given stickers to put on a chart.

My dd has been getting upset as she only has two stickers when some of the other children have nearly filled the whole chart.

I've noticed that the children who are getting all the stickers are the loud naughty ones and my dd is very shy and quiet and always does as she is told (at school ). So basically she is not being noticed and is being overlooked. I don't think its sending out a very good message to the kids.

I'm not sure what the answer is though

blondiemommy · 15/10/2012 14:21

Yes this is the same at Ds school! They have a zone chart and nearly all the naughty children are moved up first, simply because they are not causing a disturbance for a change! Schools definately need to look at ways of rewarding the children who are well behaved day in day out.

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Witchety · 15/10/2012 14:21

My ds got 83 house points in the week, but had to have 8 removed from him as they can only issue a max of 75.... He was really miffed by that!

blondiemommy · 15/10/2012 14:25

Witchety - Ds had spoken to his teacher but I think he had been in a long list of children having trouble with this child. DS says no one is his friend because he only wants to hurt people. I almost feel sorry for him.

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CelineMcBean · 15/10/2012 14:28

The trouble with these schemes is single rewards. Eg Star of the week. They lead to varying levels of behaviour and the problems already covered on the thread.

Reward chart where everyone gets a reward for reaching acceptable behaviour are much better - the badly behaved have something to aim for but the consistently good are rewarded too. Win-win.

Woozley · 15/10/2012 14:29

It would be far far worse, IMO if a child were labelled as naughty forever and never allowed to be star of the week.

Floggingmolly · 15/10/2012 14:33

Why do you take the assumption that it's harder for some children to be well behaved, lljjkk?
You really think that some kids should be rewarded for not behaving badly, because it takes such effort, but all the others are presumed to be simply doing what comes naturally
when behaving well, and are therefore unworthy of mention?
What a pile of shite

Whistlingwaves · 15/10/2012 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BonVoyageCharlieBrown · 15/10/2012 14:33

I do agree that they should be rewarded for good behaviour but what about the children who are good all the time but don't get rewarded. It sends a very skewed message to the kids. It needs to be fair

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