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Do you still do it all on weekends? What's unreasonable?

(8 Posts)
mummahubba Mon 15-Oct-12 12:53:57

Every weekend DP and I argue about what he isn't doing and that what he's doing isn't how it needs to be, I am always having to ask him to do things, remind him to and then double check once it's done. He plays beautifully with DC and has a lovely relationship with them and I often look at them all together and think how lucky they are to have the relationship they do with their dad. BUT he is undeniably crap at some things. Some friends in rl have said that on the weekend they carry on as if DP isn't there and carry on doing it all, that way there are no arguments and no expectations. I'm edging towards this but think it's a pretty crap deal. He gives me sleep in's in the weekend if I need it and everything he does is with us in mind. Shit the more I write the more I think he's a darling. Anyway, what do you do? Are men just simply crap at things like putting clothes on the right way around, remembering our 'routine' ie to prepare lunch!

valiumredhead Mon 15-Oct-12 12:59:20

I think the fact you have to double check he's done it right speaks volumes wink

GrimAndHumourless Mon 15-Oct-12 13:01:26

ok

a few different points

children have basic needs that must be met, including being fed, so that's non-negotiable

clothes on backtofront, well you know, no one died from having their breeches on backwards, let it go

analyse your actions and responses - why are you controlling the weekend/how he does stuff/reminding/double checking? Don't de-skill him by undermining (this a VERY easy trap to fall into) or denting his confidence

what other stuff does he do/not do that gets on your pip? it might well be that he's a lazy bastard who needs a kick up the bum

ladyintheradiator Mon 15-Oct-12 13:07:09

What is he crap at?

I do much less on the weekends - DP does most of the food or we go out, we split the stuff we hate like cleaning. DP generally takes control of the DCs needs as he barely sees them in the week - so he will change DD, get her dressed, sit and read with DS.

Are you being a bit particular about how stuff is done? Because it's often not a case of right or wrong but just preference. If someone else is making your lunch for example then if they want to leave the kitchen a tip and tidy it later, then let them. If you want the kitchen tidied right away then do it yourself (this is true in my house - I am a tidy-as-I-go sort but now if DP is doing something then I just ignore the mess as he will deal with it at some point).

I think having no expectations as in your friends case IS shit - I do expect a lie in actually. I'd be pissed off if it was never an option. I'd be pissed off if DP expected me to do everything for the DC. There's a middle ground but it can be hard to find.

MrsKeithRichards Mon 15-Oct-12 13:09:00

We both do the bare minimum at weekends!

MummyPig24 Mon 15-Oct-12 13:10:38

Dp and I split things at weekends. He lies in one day and me the next. We do things like I'll iron and he'll Hoover. I'll cook the dinner and he will mow the lawn. We share watching the kids, playing with them etc and we also have time together out and about or just chilling. I don't think you should have to do it all. Just suggest something like "could you make the children a sandwich while I put the washing away?" that way it feels more equal.

Mintyy Mon 15-Oct-12 13:12:48

If he plays wonderfully with the children then why not get out of the house regularly, just on your own, and have a lovely bit of quiet time to yourself?

Gumby Mon 15-Oct-12 13:16:06

We ususally do the bare minimum too
I work Sunday's so dh has to clothe & feed & entertain the dcs which is fine cos since dc1 was 9 months I have gone away for weekends with the girls so he's used to it

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