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To ask you how you would deal with this?

(15 Posts)
toofattorun Sun 14-Oct-12 23:38:43

My child has been hit, kicked, punched, pushed over etc for over a year now by another child in his year. We have been to the head teacher to complain about him. Last week, he approaches my child again and hits him on the body. My child retaliated by punching him in the face. Now the parents have run to the head teacher to complain. (Tit for tat springs to mind).

I am seeing the head teacher tomorrow but should i be apologetic or just tell her that surely he had it coming to him. After all, it was the child who showed him how to be violent in the first place.

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights Sun 14-Oct-12 23:43:59

Did you complain about your son being bullied? If not, this may be the first the HT knew about any of this....her child didn't show him to be violent and you shouldn't go with this attitude.

I would be very calm and explain that it was self defense.....that your son has been hit by this boy many times and finally he defended himself.

If the HT was not there...then it's the boy/s word against your DS isn't it? They cn hardly punish anyone...so go with a calm exterior.

doinmummy Sun 14-Oct-12 23:44:26

I know that violence should never be met with violence but you can hardly blame your son for hitting back. I would see what the head has to say first. What has the Head said when you have complained about the bully?

WorraLiberty Sun 14-Oct-12 23:45:16

Tough one really.

My advice is that you remind the Head of all your past complaints and ask him/her what measures were put in place to stop this child from hitting your DS.

I wouldn't go with your last line 'After all it was the child who showed him how to be violent etc...' because that may come across as your child can do no wrong.

Violence is not acceptable from either child....though I can quite understand why your son eventually retaliated.

But I think you need to get to the bottom of what was/was not done to protect your child after your original complaints.

How old are they?

blueemerald Sun 14-Oct-12 23:45:38

I would go in with a 'well, didn't we all see this coming, what a shame it had to get to this point, if only x and y had been done maybe we could have avoided this' attitude and kick it up to pissed off if needed.

toofattorun Sun 14-Oct-12 23:57:05

Worra - he is 5 (almost 6).

Big Witch - I did complain about a month ago because we put up with a year of this child hitting my DS.
They said that they would be keeping an eye on bully but that they couldn't keep him away from playing. The boy just ran over to my child and hit him.

I am angry because I wasn't even told that this happened. I was asking how things were generally in the class room with my child and I was told this happened a couple of days previous.

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights Mon 15-Oct-12 23:38:17

Look...you need to show concern...not be apologetic. Your son has been repeatedly hit by another child....they said they would keep an eye on the situation and they've not amended it.

Your son being 5 has hit back and that's probably a good thing (but don't say that!)

You need to say that whilst you do not advocate violence in any circumstances, your son must have got tired of the hitting and decided to hit back...

Then ask them how they are going to ensure that this other kid does not attack your DS again....because you have already explained to your son, that hitting back is not advisable....ask them if they have any plan in place to support the child who hits regularly as you do not want your son being hit at all....not ever.

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights Mon 15-Oct-12 23:39:13

Go in and try to speak first whilst remaining calm. Explain your side of things and then listen to theirs. It's the only way...

Kalisi Mon 15-Oct-12 23:47:08

Its a tough one. On the inside you're probably glowing and thinking " well done son" ( I would be!) but you really can't be seen as having this attitude as it has unfortunately been handled poorly. Lay on the concern and try to avoid the 'he had it coming' route. Just state how hard it has been for your DS to put up with this continuous bullying for so long and that you know it was wrong but he felt he had no alternative. Then put it on the school to make sure he does not feel so helpless again.
Then take DS home give him a stern look and buy him some icecream.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Mon 15-Oct-12 23:53:13

I'm afraid I would be inclined to ask why the boy was allowed to continue his display of violence to such an extent that your son has now picked it up.

Seriously, what did the HT think was going to happen? I would be cranking it up to Pissed Off too. And the parents that complained, are they actually aware of the previous complaints against their son?

Kalisi Tue 16-Oct-12 00:09:36

The annoying thing is, because your son retaliated the other boy probably won't do it again but you can guarantee that the school will give themselves a pat on the back and think it was down to this meeting they are having where they will probably punish both boys and get them to shake hands hmm

snowmummy Tue 16-Oct-12 00:19:50

If my ds had been repeatedly kicked etc over the period of a year, I would be attending this meeting with the intent of finding out why it had been allowed to continue. After a year of such treatment, I'm not surprised your ds retaliated. He has taken matters into his own hands after being let down by the adults who should have helped him. I'm afraid I would not be apologetic at all.

BigWitchLegsInWailyTights Tue 16-Oct-12 09:20:52

Let us know how it went OP....it's blinking hard when this kind of thing happens.

shuffleballchange Tue 16-Oct-12 09:31:51

Yes, keep us posted, DS1 has to put up with a little shit child constantly poking, squeezing his face and punching him when they line up to go in, the teachers never notice, it if they do, they ignore it, I'm popping in to see his teacher after school today because I know he is just going to flip and punch this child hopefully

plutocrap Tue 16-Oct-12 10:42:09

* After all, it was the child who showed him how to be violent in the first place.*

Exactly that! Do they want it to spread, as well?! hmm

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