To reject all these lovely offers of help?

[BasicallySFB]

I'm really struggling at mo. Having major surgery shortly and in immense pain at moment but coping with tramadol. Fab DH, gorgeous DS. I work FT and am also doing a PhD. So pretty busy!

DS is 22 months. Have had loads of babysitting offers to help out but I keep rejecting them all - I can't bear to be away from him when I'm shortly going to be stuck in hosp for 12 days :(

Work have been great about be having 12 weeks off, then another 4-8 weeks somewhen after to have stoma reversed. Have just received an email from a manager who's taken (not offered, taken) a bunch of work off me and emailed everyone saying 'We need to cover Basically's work ASAP - volunteers?'. I feel SO guilty and don't even know how soon I'll be off for yet.

WTAF is wrong with me? People are trying to help and I'm getting cross and frustrated with them all :(

AIBU to just want to carry on as normal?

[FamiliesShareGerms]

No, it's not unusual to want to carry on as usual (it's a coping mechanism, it allows you to feel in control etc). But you know you should accept at least some of the offers of help, don't you?

[BasicallySFB]

I feel like I'm dumping on everyone at work when we're already pushed - guilt is immense. I'm having a rubbish evening and tormenting myself. It's not like the surgery is a choice and logically I know that but emotionally I don't.

Maybe also cross with work as it feels like they're taking choice away from me (but think this is me BU...as they're just trying to help. I think)

[highlandcoo]

You are not alone - most of us would much rather be giving help than receiving it,, but what goes around comes around, so try to accept graciously knowing that you will help others in your turn (which will surely come)
Best of luck with your op :)

[BasicallySFB]

I have offered to cover everyone's audits (which are universally hated!) when back!

I worry what people will think though, which I think is silly - I never mind colleagues going off sick, it happens - but I think there are others who are a bit more about sick leave.

[YouMayLogOut]

If you accept some of the offers of help now, you can try to preserve some of your energy for your recovery. Or could you say you're OK for now but please could they help out after you've had the surgery? Maybe someone could even "babysit" but while you're at home, so you could have a rest one afternoon but you're not away from your DS?

[BasicallySFB]

Oooo now that's a good idea - I have a few mates who may do that, meaning I could get a few hours sofa rest in...

I just feel rubbish at moment. I'm trying to do everything (motherhood, career, PhD, wife, housework) and doing none of it well because I'm in so much pain. DS and I had a day out at park - nothing massive - and I was in bed by 7 on double dose of tramadol, and whacked the next day. Rubbish.

I should feel fortunate - 6-8 months I'll be mended for a few years.