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To expect to be believed?

(16 Posts)
Hollyhol Sun 14-Oct-12 18:02:18

I'm 9 weeks pregnant but dp doesn't believe me. We suspected I might be weeks ago. I am on the pill but I had two lots of antibiotics a while ago and we kept forgetting to back up. I had a very light bleed last month but I just didn't feel right. This month I had one day of spotting so I took a test and I am pregnant. Here's where the problem starts me and dp had a blazing row the day I found out over something else and he's refusing to believe me. I'm not sure what he thinks my motives are for pretending. He refused to come round to speak and told me if I go round to him he won't answer the door. So I sent him a picture of the positive test. He said he couldn't understand what it meant so I went and got a clearblue digital and sent him a photo of that.

He started to listen then but said he needed time to get used to the idea because it was unplanned, and just kept questioning me over how it happened. He had been working away all week and refused to come to my doctors appointment, and so we'd agreed to meet this weekend to speak. Now he's denying I'm pregnant again. I'm about 9 weeks but he's saying because the digital test only said 3+ I'm lying.

Really don't know what to do, I've begged him to come round with a test but he refuses.

WelshMaenad Sun 14-Oct-12 18:04:32

Do you want to keep the baby, in the eventuality that you end up doing this all on your own?

GrimAndHumourless Sun 14-Oct-12 18:05:25

hmm tricky one

he's had a shock, a bit of denial going on etc

how long have you been together?

mellowcat Sun 14-Oct-12 18:05:50

YANBU to expect to be believed. I can only imagine that he is in shock and that is why he is behaving in such an appalling way. I would be tempted to let him get on with it for now and concentrate on looking after yourself.

DontmindifIdo Sun 14-Oct-12 18:07:20

Well, do you want to keep the baby? Then it really doesn't matter if he doesn't believe it now, you soon will have scan photos, a bump, a baby and if he really is in denial, he'll have a CSA letter...

I would stop trying to talk to him. Don't beg him to do anything. Tell him when your scan is (you'll get the letter soon, it's done at 12-14 weeks), ask him if he'd like to come too?

Do'nt pander to his tantrum about it. Ignore. Start making some decisions for yourself (accepting you'll probably be a single mother). If he wants to get involved, he will.

PurplePidjin Sun 14-Oct-12 18:08:05

Stop begging, and tell him straight up "You're going to be a father, get in touch when you can act like a grown up human being about it"

Then make a contingency plan for if he continues to act like a fuckwit.

Fwiw, dp is delighted about our accident (I'm 33 weeks now) but has only been to the 12 and 20 week scans because of work.

Hollyhol Sun 14-Oct-12 18:13:03

Been going out almost three years. I hadn't really considered not keeping it but I'd like to discuss it with him at least. I've told him time is not on our side in terms of not (although I really don't think it's an option for me).

Tiredmumno1 Sun 14-Oct-12 18:20:33

I think that the clearblue digital only goes up to 3+ and that's it, that's why the plus is there, maybe that needs to be explained to him, that's a daft reason to say you're lying.

How are you feeling about the positive test without taking his reaction into the equation?

I hope you are ok, sorry you are having to deal with this, considering you have been together for a while now, it was hardly the best reaction.

However you both need to sit and discuss this.

DontmindifIdo Sun 14-Oct-12 18:20:50

I think that you need to plan for being a single mother, look at what you would be entitled too, are you able to support yourself? Then make the decision you want, accepting his panic might be the end of your relationship.

Keep yourself healthy, do you have anyone else you can talk with? Are you close with your parents or any close friends you can discuss it with? Anyone who might come with you to the scan etc?

Bumblebee333 Sun 14-Oct-12 18:57:12

He is not ready to be a father, clearly which is why he is trying to bury his head in the sand and pretend it's not real. I agree with other posters that you may have to go this alone and also to take care of yourself.

OHforDUCKScake Sun 14-Oct-12 19:20:05

He's in shock. He'll probably try the 'you tricked me!' Card somewhere along the line too.

Rowanhart Sun 14-Oct-12 20:58:00

Ridiculous. Agree with Purple. Tell him he is going to be a father so he better grow up quick and to get in touch when he is,an enough to step up to his responsibilities.

Then leave him to stew. Berk.

lovebunny Sun 14-Oct-12 21:39:55

he's your ex-partner. evidence ' He refused to come round to speak and told me if I go round to him he won't answer the door.' you're wasting your time with him. forget him.

if you want this baby on your own, or if you are willing to give your baby up for adoption, go ahead with the pregnancy.

good luck.

HappyHalloweenMotherFucker Sun 14-Oct-12 21:43:20

Is he always such an utter twat?

Stop begging him and assume you are dealing within by yourself

He sounds like a fucking liability, tbh

Shock, my arse

McHappyPants2012 Sun 14-Oct-12 21:48:59

is it shock.

my DH didn't belive it until the scan and then it hit him lol

SoftKittyWarmKitty Sun 14-Oct-12 21:59:09

Stop begging him for anything and send him a message similar to what other posters have said, along the lines of: I'm pregnant, get in touch when you've had your childish tantrum.

You only have around three weeks until your scan and he won't be able to argue with a scan pic with your name on. If he proves to be a total knob jockey and you end up a single parent, I can tell you from personal experience that it's not as bad as you might think.

Congrats on your pregnancy btw smile.

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