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To feel like utter crap because I cant seem to keep on top of everything?

(142 Posts)
MrsDeVere Sun 14-Oct-12 14:17:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FayeKinitt Sun 14-Oct-12 14:20:25

You are not crap! It would be difficult for anyone to keep a three bed house with five people in it tidy!

Would it be financially possible to get a cleaner?

Nosleeptillgodknowswhen Sun 14-Oct-12 14:21:33

YADNBU - but because I think lots of people feel like that (including me and I don't have half the stuff to deal with that you do), not because you should be on top of it IYSWIM.

Have no answers though, hopefully someone else will be along with better advice.

GrimAndHumourless Sun 14-Oct-12 14:21:42

well you know, I think that clutter can really mess with yer mind IYSWIM

I highly recc ten ten loaf for tackling jobs - ten mins on this, ten mins on that, ten mins loafing with coffee/MN

and un-MN hugs m'dear

FayeKinitt Sun 14-Oct-12 14:21:59

Although I should say, that would be a temporary solution. Did you get any greif counselling when your DD died? Perhaps some form of therapy would help you explore why the tidyness is important now?

thanks for you

Nosleeptillgodknowswhen Sun 14-Oct-12 14:22:53

I'm not sure that was very clear... But just to be completely clear Fayeknitt is right you are NOT crap!

MrsDeVere Sun 14-Oct-12 14:27:56

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AreAllMenTheSame2 Sun 14-Oct-12 14:28:52

Aw op you're definatly not crap! By the sounds of it your doing a fab job!!! How old are your children? Could you make tidying up a fun game for them perhaps? Sorry I don't have any helpful advice, but someone else will smile Chin up, I think your doing great! Xx

HorraceTheOtter Sun 14-Oct-12 14:29:32

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GrimAndHumourless Sun 14-Oct-12 14:31:22

honestly ten ten has TRANSFORMED my life

So,a whole room , overwhelming and not even try-able (is that a word?); using ten ten - well, black bag two shelves and one drawer, then a bit of spray and polishing, ooh look time for coffee. And then BINGO, there's two jobs done when you wouldn't have even gone in that room IYSWIM


MrsDeVere Sun 14-Oct-12 14:37:19

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Adversecamber Sun 14-Oct-12 14:37:27

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Moomoomie Sun 14-Oct-12 14:40:38

Oh MrsDeVere. I have always admired you and agree with your threads, to be honest I have wanted to be like you.... And now I am!
I so easily could have written your post ( not so eloquently though )
I was in tears this morning because the cake I baked for friends coming over for tea, stuck in the tin.
I don't work outside the house and have three children at home, two with SEN, so know how you feel.
My DH is fantastic and does an awful lot with our girls.
I think we are trying to be super woman.
Shall we all give ourselves a break.
brew and thanks

MrsDeVere Sun 14-Oct-12 14:41:58

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Doodlez Sun 14-Oct-12 14:42:57

The ten/ten thing does sound good. I have to try that myself.

MrsDV, I won't even try to explore the ins and outs of your pretty daunting life, however, I will tell you this - I get overwhelmed sometimes and my standards are not even high! I sometimes get to the point where I don't know what to worry about first, so I end up doing nothing. Like I lose my mojo and it all seems like too bloody much.

I know this for sure too - those that look like they're able to to do it all and have spotless houses and pefect kids and all that - well, they don't. They really don't. There will be extra help coming from some where or they'll have troubles you can't see or they let other things slip in order to get the 'public' stuff so perfect. Nobody and I mean NOBODY gets this 100%. I know this as fact because I've straw-polled just about everybody over the years!

I know something else as well - you cannot achieve everything and think "right, that's it. I can relax now!. You won't. You'll keep finding more and more stuff. So calm your fevered mind with the knowledge that nearly good enough is good enough!

MrsDeVere Sun 14-Oct-12 14:44:28

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naturalbaby Sun 14-Oct-12 14:44:53

I do not have nearly as much to deal with as you but I feel exactly the same about the dirt and mess.

Cleaning is my therapy the more stressed I am the more I have to clean. When I should be doing ds's homework with him/cooking dinner/getting the dc's ready to go out I am cleaning and tidying - then I am late for stuff, then I get more stressed!

I try to focus on a bit at a time and tell myself to ignore the other stuff e.g the kitchen will get a proper clean tomorrow, the bedding will get washed on Tuesday so I just have to focus on _ today.

I'm trying to allocate time to stress about things e.g there's no point stressing about work at 2am because I can't do anything about it then! So I put on a relaxation script and mentally file the worry for 1pm the next day when I know I'll have time to deal with it.

cbeebiesatemybrain Sun 14-Oct-12 14:47:07

You are not crap! You have way more to deal with than me and I feel like I'm going crazy from the mess sometimes. I do the flylady method which is very similar to the ten ten loaf already mentioned (essentially its 3 lots of 15 minute bursts and then 15 minutes rest) and it really works for me.

I think you need to break your problems down and look at each issue separately but it looks from your post like the housework is your most pressing matter atm so its probably best to start there then focus on the other things one at a time.

Big unmumsnetty hug for you x

MrsDeVere Sun 14-Oct-12 14:47:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

baskingseals Sun 14-Oct-12 14:53:41

totally agree with tidiness being a control thing. especially when other things are so totally out of your control. however it is a double-edged sword when you have dc, as it is so hard to keep on top of their stuff and your own stuff, which then causes even more stress.

i always have a mental check list of what is lost and what needs doing, which sometimes literally keeps me awake at night.

i agree with the little and often approach, and also trying every day to do one extra job - so today i went to the bottle bank - <lives life in the fast lane>.
my tidiness and losing things issue definitely stem from when my mum died. last night i dreamt about a bottle green vase she used to have and woke up worried because i didn't know where it was.

it is ONLY stuff. please don't feel crap about yourself over this, and mention how you feel to your counsellor.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 14-Oct-12 14:53:53

Hi my dear

I do think there's a link between inner and outer calm and control. I can't fully relax when my house is untidy, but then I can't gain that control if I'm flustered.

I think if you can possibly afford a cleaner then that is a start - apart from anything else, it's a motivation to leave the house in a reasonably tidy state in preparation for him/her coming. My cleaner likes ironing, so what I do is leave her a big pile every fortnight and that helps me a lot.

I have also thought, that if I really was finding the clutter too much I might get in one of those de-clutterer lifestyle people to kick start the clearing out process.

I think time to yourself is crucial as well.

Another weird thing I've noticed about me - the busier I am, the more get done. When I was a SAHM the house was possibly messier than it is now I work school hours. I am more efficient with less time . So could you work more?

I also think that this stuff isn't that important, and the fact that you are getting upset about it is about your emotional state in general. Do you think you might be depressed? When I was starting to be depressed I couldn't even do the washing up every day ....

Hope some of this rambling is helpful

Take care

MigGril Sun 14-Oct-12 14:55:28

if nobody else has mentioned it then flylady is you're answer. it's helping me get a handle on years of clutter. although I still have some way to go.

Without any of the stuff you're dealing with I feel the same - overwhelmed and don't know where to start. Don't have high standards though.

Completely agree about house yo yourself stuff. Much easier.

Can I suggest you stay up late maybe just one night a week? Even till 11. Are there any days where you can loaf a bit the next day..

And I completely agree that you never get to the stage where you think "i am finished and will relax.". So you just have to have guilt free relax tome fairly regularly anyway.

Itchywoolyjumper Sun 14-Oct-12 14:55:59

Oh MrsDeVere, you poor thing. Please be nice to yourself, you sound like you're doing amazing things.
I've got one little DS and I work similar hours to you and I feel very much like you do. Our house is very often like Anaker's midden and I get quite anxious about it. I always feel a bit better if I write a daily to-do list. It helps me to prioritise and, if I'm sensible about how much I put on it also makes sure I'm not burning myself out trying to do everything at once. It also stops me having those moments when I just give up because I don't feel like I can ever do enough so in the long run it means I get more done.
I really like the ten mins of this ten mins of that idea, I think I'll be putting that on my list for tomorrow smile

Inneedofbrandy Sun 14-Oct-12 14:57:27

Aw sad my house only is tidy because both dc are in school now and wine gives me energy on an evening.

What days do you work? Could you let the house go apart from basics on a weekend and then do a deep clean every Monday? If you knew it was only one day where you really cleaned it might make you feel more together knowing it will be fine in Monday.

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