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AIBU?

To think DH should'nt tell PIL my private business?

116 replies

charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:02

So, I'm in the final trimester of my pregnancy and have gestational diabetes. Dh feels he should tell PIL, he seems to think it is somehow their right to know and they will wonder why they weren't told if they find out, he also is worried about me talking to them will not help.

I feel it nobodies business except mine and Dh, Mil will make snidely comments and it will become about her and how worried SHE is.

What do you think?

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ecclesvet · 14/10/2012 13:07

He is allowed to talk to his parents about things that upset and worry him, YABU.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 14/10/2012 13:07

Hmm. Tricky one. My DP talks to his mum about private things and I dont mind. But thats because shes lovely and would never turn it into spiteful comments.

Plus, they are his parents so why wouldnt he tell them about his life.

However, if your DH knows you would rather they didnt know, and the reasons why, and he still said something I think thats not on. Does he know how you feel about his mum?

Alligatorpie · 14/10/2012 13:08

Are you telling other people? Is there a chance they could find out? I would probably tell them, but that depends on how close you are to them.

At least he is not telling them you have piles!

starfishmummy · 14/10/2012 13:09

I think it is for you to decide.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 14/10/2012 13:10

I think it's an issue that affects your DH enough for in not to be unreasonable for him to want to talk to his parents about it.

However, if you have a difficult relationship with your MIL and you have a valid reason for not wanting to tell her, then your DH will need to put you first, and find someone else to tell and get support from. He is wrong that they have a right to know. They don't. But they probably will wonder why they weren't told, and then he will have to have a difficult conversation with them, which is probably why the easiest solution in his mind is to just tell them now.

KirstyJC · 14/10/2012 13:11

If you don't want them to know, then he shouldn't tell you. It isn't about his body it's about yours.

Would he tell them when you have a period? Or a spot on your arse? How is your health/body anyone's business but your own - to share with people you want to (ie DH) but absolutely no-one else.

All very well saying why wouldn't he tell them about his life - but this isn't about his life, is it, it is about yours.

KirstyJC · 14/10/2012 13:11

Tell them I mean, not tell you.

Hemlet · 14/10/2012 13:12

I don't think he should be telling anyone. It's not usually a big deal and no-one else beds to know. Especially not snidey MILs. I'd be very annoyed if my OH went behind my back and told them anyway. Not unreasonable.

diddl · 14/10/2012 13:12

Tricky as it´s about the baby as well & he´s worried.

But I have to say-& it won´t be popular, I haven´t told my parents stuff that I´m worried about for years & neither has my husband.

Were adults-we deal with ot.

RemindMeWhatSleepIs · 14/10/2012 13:12

YANBU- your health problems are nobodies business. Just because you are pregnant does not make you public property for everyone to have a right to know everything.

When I was pregnant with my 2nd child I got a large varicose vein on my women's bits and I had to have an extra consultant appointment for it to be assessed as they thought it might get in the way during delivery. I was horrified when DH thought it ok to tell his parents .

diddl · 14/10/2012 13:12

or even it!

charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:12

Yes, he knows how I feel about his parents and about the things they have done in the past Wannabe .

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Hemlet · 14/10/2012 13:14

Kirsty - spot on.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 14/10/2012 13:14

Then YANBU.

AgentZigzag · 14/10/2012 13:15

It's private and you're not comfortable with him talking to his parents about it, so he shouldn't - if he respects your opinion.

Just because they're his parents doesn't mean he has to tell them everything!

charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:16

They might find out from my Dcs but I just don't see how it is their business and drip drip they have history of being quite nasty.

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HecateLarpo · 14/10/2012 13:16

Tell him that if he tells them, they will be awful to you, you will feel more stressed and upset and it won't be good for the baby. If he needs to talk to someone, he can pick someone who isn't going to make you feel bad.

As an aside - you're going to want to do something to change this 'right to know' attitude or it's going to place a great stress on your marriage. A bit of apron string snipping required, I suspect.

You can still be close to your relatives without thinking like they've a right to know your business.

diddl · 14/10/2012 13:16

Sympathies with a MIL who makes it all about her!

When my PFB was prem-you´d think that I´d done it on purpose to spite MIL!

She´s such a flapper/worrier that there really is no point in telling her stuff-you end up having to help her deal with it

Fairylea · 14/10/2012 13:17

My dh does this. It drives me mad but I don't think gestational diabetes is THAT much of an embassment so I would probably let that slide.... and yep I have had it myself.

We went to the hospital with suspected fluid loss when I was 27 weeks pregnant and after examining me the consultant said basically the fluid was left over semen from the morning's activities. Cringe. Dh then phoned his mum when he got home and told her !!!! I couldn't believe it !!!

Dh said he didn't think there was anything wrong in saying it... it's all natural, it's funny etc.

Errr thanks !!!!

longjane · 14/10/2012 13:18

as long as you dont tell anyone about your DH health issues

and that means on here as well

but you have just told all us your health issues so you not keeping a private are you?

CailinDana · 14/10/2012 13:18

I have no time whatsoever for people who allow their parents to abuse their partner. For me, it's almost the same thing as the partner doing the abusing themselves. If your DH knows what his parents are like, and he knows telling them will cause you stress and hassle, but wants to go ahead anyway then that says a lot about how much he cares about your feelings.

DH's parents are fine with this sort of thing, but DH still asks me before he tells them anything about us/me. It's a matter of courtesy if nothing else.

charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:19

Agree Hecate. That's another point, what else will he decide they have a right to know? I lay awake last night worrying that he was going to tell them when I go into labour! They turned up and came into the delivery room when I was having Dd1.

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charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:20

Longjane - I have no issues with other people who don't know them knowing.

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AgentZigzag · 14/10/2012 13:21

Bloody hell Fairy, you did well not to throttle him! /

charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:21

Fairey, OMG!

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