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To wonder if offering petrol money has gone out of fashion?

(23 Posts)
slatternlymother Sat 13-Oct-12 18:35:25

We've recently gone out of our way for several people, saving them petrol money or taxi fares themselves. None have offered petrol money at all.

I always offer if a favour is being done for me.

Is this old fashioned behaviour? Am I insulting people unknowingly by offering petrol money? What do you do?

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 13-Oct-12 18:37:15

I give lifts and don't expect petrol money. Normally it is a reciprocal thing. They may have given me lifts in the past. If it was out of someone's way or a favour that would never be returned, I might offer. More likely a thank you or a small gift though.

Joiningthegang Sat 13-Oct-12 18:38:56

I never offer and would never accept - esp if you are going that eay anyway.
I may give lifts to family or friends, i do this for love or kindness, not to expect money.

If a friend drives us both somewhere i would buy coffee as a thank you.

But it does depend on the situation so you might bu, but you might not.

hermioneweasley Sat 13-Oct-12 18:40:01

I wouldn't offer or expect for a one off (unless we were sharing a tri of hundreds of miles). For example a colleague gave me a lift to work recently. I didn't offer petrol money as I'm sure I'll return the favour at some point. If it was regular then yes I would expect to be offered petrol money

slatternlymother Sat 13-Oct-12 18:42:25

I think because I moved recently and grew away from student friends that I'm hanging about with different people. Maybe I'm just remembering when we were all students and broke, we all did it.

Gosh, I hope I haven't offended anyone by offering blush

slatternlymother Sat 13-Oct-12 18:43:02

All were long distances of between 60 and 120 miles, if this helps.

Chundle Sat 13-Oct-12 18:45:43

We get lifts to sporting activities some times with dds friends parents sometimes about 5 miles away sometimes 30 miles away. I always offer even though they are going anyway. If they refuse I will buy them coffee or lunch when we are there

ImaginateMum Sat 13-Oct-12 18:46:13

I offer to buy a drink, coffee, etc. Have not been driven further than 5 miles recently though but it is always the same friend driving as she doesn't drink and likes to drive, so it is really unfair otherwise.

mutny Sat 13-Oct-12 18:51:26

depends on the situation.
For example I am meeting a friend next week. She has offered to pick me up. I would not offer petrol as I often give her lifts and we are meeting dh later who will drive us home.
Also if you have offered the lift then yabu to expect it.

But I would say if someone asks you to drive 100 mile for them with no advantage to you, then offering would be nice. But again if its something you all do for eachother then again yabu

Its all very complicated. grin

catgirl1976 Sat 13-Oct-12 18:53:54

I always offer if it is a regular thing, a long way or if someone has gone out of thier way, or if I know they are skint and could ill afford the extra petrol and if refused say "oh at least let me buy you a bottle of wine / drink etc"

If it's a one off, short trip and they were going anyway sort of thing, I wouldn't pffer

PurplePidjin Sat 13-Oct-12 18:55:52

Yanbu, although i wouldn't expect actual cash.

I recently drove 30 mins out of my way to pick someone up to go to an event (not accessible by public transport) and was privately very put out when she didn't even offer to buy me a coffee when we arrived! Didn't quite know how to handle that one...

slatternlymother Sat 13-Oct-12 18:59:16

catgirl those were my thoughts exactly. And if they refuse, I always insist on dropping off a bottle of wine later on/getting the drinks in at the bar next time etc.

Lovecat Sat 13-Oct-12 18:59:22

I was taken aback when a friend did this recently - I had to go past her house anyway so it seemed mad to let her wait for the bus when I would be driving past to the place we were both going to - didn't occur to me that she would feel the need to offer. It was nice, though (didn't accept it, said she could buy me a drink when we got there) and you're right, OP, it had been so long since someone had done that, it must have gone out of fashion!

Startailoforangeandgold Sat 13-Oct-12 19:00:46

My sister and I do, either in hard cash or by the non driver getting lunch.

Otherwise we all take turns and it evens out.

I think it's a difficult one because in Mummy friend circles, rather than amongst students, no one would feel comfortable accepting.

Now fuel has gone up so much it may be time not to be do charitable.

ATourchOfInsanity Sat 13-Oct-12 19:04:48

I recently lost a friend because she never asked for petrol money. I offered a couple of times and she declined so didn't ask again. She went a bit OTT about some other things and the lack of petrol money came up too.
It would be easier if people driving asked for however much they think fair if this is a sticking point (I don't drive so have no idea where her magical mystery tours would take us - was usually just a drive for her to chat about things on her mind - so doesn't help if you can't estimate what is owed) smile

amillionyears Sat 13-Oct-12 19:13:04

It has become much more in fashion where I live.Now that petrol is more expensive.
And driving them 60 to 120 miles is not a short journey.

catgirl1976 Sat 13-Oct-12 19:27:11

Great minds slatternly grin

ENormaSnob Sat 13-Oct-12 19:44:00

Yanbu

I would always offer.

I would rarely accept if someone offered me, unless it was a regular thing or a long distance.

Wheresmypopcorn Sat 13-Oct-12 20:04:28

I've offered a few times lately but it never gets accepted - think possibly it looks a bit silly to accept. I have had success in paying for other things instead like parking, coffee, snacks etc (not talking big distances)

PickledFanjoCat Sat 13-Oct-12 20:10:41

I would only offer if it's a long trip, say a holiday where we share cars.

If someone drives me somewhere a bit shorter I often offer a drink or coffee in services bottle if wine or such like.

Everyone is different, I certainly would not be offended if I was offered money unless I'd driven a really long way I'd say no.

halloweeneyqueeney Sat 13-Oct-12 20:12:27

I wouldn't expect it for small local trips, sharing a JOURNEY its a must! but anywhere local is a small favour and small favours balance themselves out overall, IMO its silly to be splitting the pennies over each one

halloweeneyqueeney Sat 13-Oct-12 20:13:26

but if its local and theres a parking ticket needed afterwards the passenger should pay that! I'm hmm if they don't

ZiggyPlayedGuitar Sat 13-Oct-12 20:17:35

If its quite a long journey (40+ mins maybe) then I would offer petrol money. Anything less than that I'd either just hope to return the favour somehow or bring a gift next time I see them. I'm a people pleaser though

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