AIBU to thank that my nephews university womens society were wrong in..(84 Posts)
My nephew is a fresher at a University in Kent. In an introduction speech to a large hall of freshers the Womens Society officer proclaimed that "All men were potential rapists" AIBU in thinking this is not a point of view to express to 18 year olds. I realise we all have to be careful, but....
I must add this was not an employee of the uni, just a society officer.
They must have got very lax contracts/procedures.
He's an adult. Porn is not illegal. Presumably he was not supposed to be teaching at the time?
The problem then is inappropriate behaviour - hard to nail.
Just plain wrong.
All men are potential rapists is like saying "all dogs are capable of turning nasty" or "a mothers love is the strongest love of all".
Lots of men,dogs and mothers are not that way inclined at all.
Watching porn at work would be considered gross misconduct by my employer, and probably also misuse of electronic equipment. Depending on where he was watching and in front of whom, it would very likely also constitute sexual harassment - i.e. if he was doing it where anyone would be made to feel uncomfortable. It does sound like the lecturer was disciplined, but they stopped short of firing him. He may have a big black mark on his record because of this - but because disciplinary action is confidential, no-one would know.
Women's officers are very out of date now apart from at rabid left wing places. Any sensible uni now has an equality officer but yabu. The point of uni is to hear controversial and varying opinions and if people are do stupid they take it as literal fact they probably shouldnt be in HE at all.
Obviously I didn't hear the presentation, but have heard and read many similar ones. Unfortunately, many folks seem to "mishear" or at least misunderstand what the speaker is saying.
Basically, the point is that any man could be a rapist. Rapists don't have horns and tails, nor do they carry placards that say, "I'm a rapist." They look and often behave pretty much like any other guy, until they start to assault you.
Many young women (and men) going to university, probably living away from home for the first time, will be getting to grips with a lot of new experiences, probably very excited about being at uni and all the "freedoms" that come with it. Many will feel invincible.
Many may have been fairly sheltered. Many will believe that rape is something that involves a violent, deranged, monstrous man attacking a woman by surprise using a weapon and superior force, most likely in a dark, secluded place. They won't necessarily be thinking it's something that can happen when you've had a couple of drinks, or someone's slipped you drugs. They might not think that pushing someone's boundaries when making out, ignoring when they say they don't want to go further, thinking they can be "convinced" is rape.
The blokes may not believe they are capable of rape (even if they have sex with a someone too drunk to consent, or push someone to do what they don't want in the belief they'll like it.) Women (and men) may not believe all those nice guys sitting around them could be rapists.
So, the speaker just gave everyone the heads up - to the men to think about what they do and whether they have the enthusiastic consent of the other person before proceeding and to the women, not to be lulled into a false sense of security because they're with a "naice" guy.
Surely, informing young women (and men) of the risks of sexual assault is more important than avoiding some men getting huffy at the suggestion that they or someone like them just might be capable of sexual assault. People recover easily from getting noses out of joint. They don't recover easily from rape.
And for those who think this isn't a big issue, have a peek at this article about the culture of sexism at universities and how many social activities are set up so that women are particularly vulnerable to sexual assault.
I think others have covered this, but as the law currently stands in the UK - one must have a penis to carry out a rape, so only men can rape. Either men or women can be convicted of sexual assault, however.
Agree with Kritiq - it's wrong to make a 'blanket' statement; there could have been some better way of putting the message across... but the truth is that most rapes & sexual assaults are committed upon women by men we know in some capacity; often when alcohol is involved.
University is definitely a high risk environment for sexual assault.
& Rape, attempted rape or sexual assault by a man known to you is the ultimate betrayal; it does make it hard to trust any man.
You can view all men as potential rapists, if you want to spend your whole life paranoid and want to unlearn trust. In the same way you could go around believing 'every <perjorative word for black person> is a potential thief'.
I think she was wrong to state this frankly out of date piece of fear-mongering crap from her speech - but then perhaps she was trying only to appeal to that type of feminist?
One problem is the word "rapist" - to some men, I should think it conjures up the image of a stranger in an alley, not that nice guy who you go to bed with but you have not consented to have sex with. Yet that is what a rapist is. Anyone who has sex with you without your consent. I don't think even that definition is well known amongst teenage girls.
As others have said, the operative word is 'potential'. I think 18 year olds can handle a bit of debate. It's how attitudes change.
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