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To get separate beds or even separate rooms!

(75 Posts)
needsomesunshine Sat 13-Oct-12 03:20:49

I have wanted to post about this for ages as it is causing me sleep problems. I have just finished feeding but can't sleep. Dh usually falls asleep on the sofa & I leave him there just so I can get a decent sleep. He moves around in his sleep a lot, sleeps with his legs up, rolls over, snores, farts & has night tremors where he whines in his sleep! I'm a light sleep and usually only get about 4 hrs solid sleep a night. I can't use earplugs due to the baby. I have a much better sleep when he sleeps on the sofa but I realise this is no long term solution. We have talked about separate rooms. Has anyone had any experience of this? Its not generally something people talk about in RL but We get on so much better when we haven't shared a bed as we both get a decent nights sleep.

needsomesunshine Sat 13-Oct-12 03:22:49

Now that I've posted I want to hit delete but I need some other opinions. Please don't be too harsh.sad

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Sat 13-Oct-12 03:25:53

YANBU

whatever works for you, your DH and your relationship.

needsomesunshine Sat 13-Oct-12 03:28:08

Thanks Holy. I don't know anyone in RL that would admit to having separate rooms.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Sat 13-Oct-12 03:30:15

There does seem to be some sort of social stigma to admitting to it, but I'm sure lots of people do.

needsomesunshine Sat 13-Oct-12 03:39:59

Can't sleep again. His snoring sounds like a phone ringing on vibrate & I've woken him up 3 times already!

missingmumxox Sat 13-Oct-12 03:41:47

Me and DH have had separate rooms for over 12 years only married for 2, he snores, people used to think I exaggerated but one holiday with his family where I insisted we had the furthest room from all confirmed it, none of them could sleep either, I threatened to divorce him because I was so sick and tired, and that realy is who I felt physically, unless he went to the doctor, he eventually did and had polips these where removed and for 18 months we could sleep together then he got more, second op we only had 6 months, it works for us he isn't keeping me awake and I am not pushing and shoving him to stop him thus breaking his sleep.
on the plus side we have managed to have our twins, some activities dispite the name don't require you to sleep together grin

needsomesunshine Sat 13-Oct-12 03:44:04

Thanks missing grin

mistlethrush Sat 13-Oct-12 03:44:42

to be honest, it sounds as though, if you don't have separate rooms for at least some of the time, it will ruin your relationship. You don't have to be separate rooms all the time after all. But having a bed that you can swap to might just work.

needsomesunshine Sat 13-Oct-12 03:45:22

Are your kids old enough to know? What do they think about it?

needsomesunshine Sat 13-Oct-12 03:47:20

I agree mistle. We have been together for 14 years. It's amazing how many of our issues/arguments have been caused by lack of sleepsad

PoppyScarer Sat 13-Oct-12 03:47:48

I sleep in our baby's room most nights because the baby wakes wanting feeds and this way DH can still get uninterrupted sleep.

I will return to the marital bed once DS settles at night, but secretly I do like being away fom DH's very "active" and noisy sleeping, complete with night terrors and sleep apnoea.

BobbysBeardOfWonder Sat 13-Oct-12 03:48:39

DH has been in the spare room ever since the birth of DS 5 months ago. It's not ideal but we both accept we sleep better when we're not waking each other up. DS comes into my bed at night too so there's no room for DH anyway grin

Don't be harsh on yourself, do what's necessary to function in life.

darksideofthemooncup Sat 13-Oct-12 03:52:10

Me and my dh have had separate rooms for the last 5 years, I think we would have divorced if we hadn't as he is a terrible snorer and I am a very light sleeper. It works for us.

needsomesunshine Sat 13-Oct-12 04:04:39

Wow! I was expecting a bit of a flaming! Thankyou. I will talk to him about it again in the morning.smile

trumpton Sat 13-Oct-12 04:08:46

We have separate rooms as I sleep very badly and if I take a sleeping pill I s Orr . I don't care what people think and our DC don't seem to think it strange. Mind you after 40 years I am owed my own space .

Visiting rights are equal but I ways end up trotting across the landing inthe dead of night.
Slidi g into sleep now ....... Thank you zopiclone my friend .

trumpton Sat 13-Oct-12 04:09:52

If I take a sleeping pill * I snore*

Glittertwins Sat 13-Oct-12 04:27:27

I'm awake now due to a 4yr old telling the importance of a toilet in the night. I can't drop back to sleep due to the snuffling to my left so I will be putting earphones on and put iPlayer on the iPad! I've never not heard the children though, even with earphones in.

Riddo Sat 13-Oct-12 04:39:45

DH snores and I'm an insomniac. we've been in separate rooms for a year and get on a lot better. I don't have a problem telling people, I don't miss out on cuddles etc. The worst thing is holidays when we have to share a bed and I get no sleep and get very grumpy.

Softlysoftly Sat 13-Oct-12 05:38:07

I am currently in bed with DD1 and DD2 is in her cot for about ten minutes.

DH is in the spare, even before the DDs he/I frequently went in the spare as his snoring is awful. My mum and Dad also have separate rooms, they even book deprecate hotel rooms after the "massive fight over snoring, mattress in the bath" incident grin.

Doesn't mean the end of a marriage, you can still get hot and heavy with the joy of knowing you can then wander off back to the clean bed grin

Softlysoftly Sat 13-Oct-12 05:38:57

*seperate not deprecate

Lamazeroo Sat 13-Oct-12 05:56:44

I haven't shared a bedroom with DH since I was heavily pregnant. Our son is now one! Maybe we'll go back to the norm once I've finished night feeds etc. but really this works fine for us.
Don't give it another thought; sounds like you'll get more sleep in your own space so go for it.

Ughfootballseason Sat 13-Oct-12 07:41:16

Dh and I share some of the time but a lot of the time not. I have the fab bio ears earplugs from boots and now he has a mouth guard which makes sharing a bed tolerable when we do.

Having separate beds does make for a better marriage because 1) you both get some sleep and 2) you don't spend six hours a night fantasising about killing your husband.

echt Sat 13-Oct-12 07:42:44

I think the main thing about separate rooms is that each should be as attractive a place to sleep in as the other. We have a "snoring room" which becomes the most sought-after room in the house when the summer kicks in as it's the one on the cool side of the house.

It's about how you best sleep, though the social pressure, real or anticipated, is very potent.

hairytale Sat 13-Oct-12 07:52:06

We have resorted to this the last few nights. It has really worked so far as we have all slept better. DD (8 months) is in with me and DH is in the spare room.

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