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Mothers of teenagers - HELP!!

(63 Posts)
marriedinwhite Fri 12-Oct-12 23:08:57

DS is nearly 18. Broke his nose this afternoon - rugby pitch job. He's in bits - terribly, terribly upset. It's the end of the world for him. It really isn't that bad and I can't see much difference tbh - apart from the encroaching two black eyes. (checked in a&e and nothing desperate but for a "once the swelling goes down if it looks wonky it can be sorted")

I am having difficulty empathising (wicked mother) and have already said things like "it could have been your back", "it could have been your teeth", "when the swelling goes down it will be dealt with and might be better than before". All of which have hastened sobs and tears and how long will it take to put it right and I am finding it very irritating - of the FGS belt up and act like a man variety.

He is quite a handsome boy but is over-reacting (imo) but it's not like his long term modelling career is over. I'm not really helping am I?

Can you lot help with the right thing to say because I am struggling here and everything I say results in less than manful sobs. His father is rolling his eyes in despair.

GhostofMammaTJ Fri 12-Oct-12 23:11:51

just tell him the same as he would be told at the rugby club, to man up!!

threesocksmorgan Fri 12-Oct-12 23:12:13

do you know why he is upset?
has he got a big date coming up?

usualsuspect3 Fri 12-Oct-12 23:14:34

I would be a bit more sympathetic I think.

usualsuspect3 Fri 12-Oct-12 23:15:20

All this act like a man is a bit off IMO.

threesocksmorgan Fri 12-Oct-12 23:16:44

usualsuspect3 phew my thoughts too\
he is only 18 and there must be a reason he is so upset.
my ds is 20 but I would not tell him to man up, but would find out why he was upset

noddyholder Fri 12-Oct-12 23:16:59

They do over react at this age My ds is the same if he doesn't like a haircut! You have to feign sympathy and zone in and out of conversations/rants You have my sympathy grin

threesocksmorgan Fri 12-Oct-12 23:17:33

or Noddy
he might actually be in pain, or really upset

noddyholder Fri 12-Oct-12 23:17:47

In my ds case vanity is the main motivation for most of his outbursts

noddyholder Fri 12-Oct-12 23:18:40

Yes sympathy for the pain but rugby players expect this.He will calm down in a day or 2.

usualsuspect3 Fri 12-Oct-12 23:18:59

My Ds is 20, I would never tell him to man up. If he was upset I would try to find out why. Not dismiss his feelings.

Bogeyface Fri 12-Oct-12 23:19:18

Give him a hug, tell him that he is still gorgeous and that James Bond always pulled and he had his head kicked in many times! Then Google "celebrity broken noses" and tell him about the most handsome ones!

Do you remember when he fell over when he was little and looked at your reaction before he decided whether to cry or not? This is one of those times smile

At heart he is still a little boy who wants his mum to give him a cuddle and tell him it will be alright.

WorraLiberty Fri 12-Oct-12 23:19:36

To be honest OP

With your attitude I think the best thing you can do for him is stop talking.

doinmummy Fri 12-Oct-12 23:19:37

Give him a cuddle. You'll never be able to say the right thing.

marriedinwhite Fri 12-Oct-12 23:20:05

usual I have said he can sleep with me but he has just said he will need to be propped up on more pillows. I have said he can take the spare room ones. Is that more sympathetic? How sympathetic do I need to be? I have said he looks as handsome as ever; I have said it might have been much worse; I have said that if he's not happy when the swelling goes does we will arrange plastic surgery.

threesocksmorgan Fri 12-Oct-12 23:20:21

yes he might calm down
but doesn't hurt to find out why he is upset now.

threesocksmorgan Fri 12-Oct-12 23:20:46

he sounds scared.

usualsuspect3 Fri 12-Oct-12 23:20:54

'Less than manful sobs' good grief.

Bogeyface Fri 12-Oct-12 23:21:28

Married you are focussing on the negatives....

It could be far as he is concerned, NO it couldnt!

We can arrange plastic surgery......OMG!!!!!! Am I so ugly that I need plastic surgery now?!

You see?

noddyholder Fri 12-Oct-12 23:21:46

I wouldn't say man up either but I think if he is a rugby player he will have encountered this before and will know that the black eyes etc make it look terrible initially and when it dies down the difference can be minimal. Looks are important at this age.Ds mate chipped a tooth skateboarding and was hysterical and is now mortified but at the time it was the end of the world. he will be fine

mrsmplus3 Fri 12-Oct-12 23:23:41

Ooh I think you need to be a bit nicer to him op- that's your boy! And he's sad!
Just be supportive. Say things like "i know son" and "I'm sorry this has happened". Stop trying to fix it and just indulge him for a day or two- it's just happened today, it's not like he's been crying for a week. Make him a hot chocolate, sit on the couch with him and watch something funny.
Just stop the man up stuff. Maybe he's a more effeminate guy.
Hope this has helped. I've got a teen son too, that's what I'd do.

threesocksmorgan Fri 12-Oct-12 23:24:08

noddy yep he will be fine, but he isn't at the moment, at the moment he needs TLC.
doesn't matter if he is a rugby player or a boxer.
he needs a cuddle and tl

SirBoobAlot Fri 12-Oct-12 23:25:50

Tell him chicks dig scars? wink

Though seriously. I used to play rugby, and have seen a fair share of broken noses. I remember one (male) friend confiding in me after it happened to him, saying he'd never been so scared in his entire life, not just because it "fucking hurt", but because to him it happened in slow motion, and he thought something so much more serious was going to happen.

Be a bit more sympathetic, he's obviously shaken up, whether you think its justified or not.

akaemmafrost Fri 12-Oct-12 23:25:50

Well I know how bad I would have felt with facial injuries at that age. Poor lad. I would feel horrible for my ds if he was that upset and injured. I think you sound a bit hard hearted tbh.

Tuttutitlookslikerain Fri 12-Oct-12 23:25:53

Poor lad. Both of my DSes would be upset by that. Why wouldn't they be? If a girl broke her nose and was worried about how she looked afterwards, people would be far more sympathetic.

Give him a cuddle, some painkillers and make him some hot chocolate or something. Don't tell him to man up, and tell your DH to stop rolling his eyes!

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