to find phrases like 'she who must be obeyed' and 'the missus' disrespectful and annoying

[TheBirdsTheBirds]

even when used by men I personally know to be nice, helpful people, it still grates. Am I being oversensitive? When I first got married, DH learned VERY quickly not to refer to me as 'the missus'. But I can't quite work out why I find it so annoying.

Obviously 'the old ball and chain' is just insulting, but the other two are used regularly and unthinkingly by lots of men on here and in RL.

[SoupDragon]

Yes. You are being over sensitive.

[BoysBoysBoysAndMe]

I don't find it offensive though I am quite passive in general.

Is it not just banter?

[nokidshere]

Yes - you are being oversensitive!

[InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream]

Doesn't bother me! I call the man I'm currently.seeing "the fella" on here. No one pulls me on itbut agod forbid a man says "the wife"

The missus and such doesn't bother me tbh.

[TheBirdsTheBirds]

I don't find it offensive, it just always grates on me - I think it is almost always just banter, so I'm being oversensitive really, but I just don't like it!

[Woozley]

"She who must be obeyed" is rather , but "the missus" and "the wife" are ok, IMO.

[ScaryBeardyDeadyman]

Yeah you're far too sensitive sweetheart. The little woman doesn't mind when I call her those things. Now be a good girl and stick the kettle on.

[TheBirdsTheBirds]

No, I hate 'the' wife! Ok, it is pretty fussy of me I know, but it just sounds horrible!

[MagicHouse]

My ex used to refer to me like that. It used to annoy the hell out of me!

[UndeadPixie]

yabu. She who must be obeyed is a common term used in this house to refer to my housemate or me! The missus annoys me but I'm not that bothered by it.

[TheBirdsTheBirds]

'Little woman'! Argh . Ok, now the missus doesn't seem so bad.

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

I'd find it irritating and direspectful too, and I'm usually quite relaxed. Especially she who must be obeyed. Grr! Is there a male equivalent to that kind of casual misogyny? I'm racking my brain but can't think of one.

[TheBirdsTheBirds]

The missus, the wife, him/her indoors...it seems dismissive somehow.

[Bluestocking]

I don't mind either of them, although I can see why you might find them annoying. I really can't stand "hubby", but for different reasons; it's just sickeningly twee and cutesy.

[CaptainKirksNipples]

I call my dp 'the wife'. I'm female and he is male. He hates it but is a much better housewife than me :-)

[TheBirdsTheBirds]

Bluestocking hubby is probably my least favourite word in the world, but more for the sound and tweeness than the associations.

[AgentZigzag]

They're just pet names I would say, if you started looking at who was saying them and why though, the fact it's always going to be a bloke is bound to stir up something in the feminist area.

[Annunziata]

It depends how they're said, I think.

[Flisspaps]

In this house, She Who Must Be Obeyed is my correct title.

[fluffacloud]

When we had DD2, my DP's office did a collection for us - we received some beautiful gifts.

The fly in the ointment was his boss saying 'so sorry that the card is addressed to DP and family, we weren't sure what your name was. He only ever calls you her indoors'

I smiled an indulgent 'he's a one, isn't he?' smile and gave him the bollocking of his life when his boss had left.

As a rule I don't mind it, but that was taking the piss!

[AndFanjoWasHisNameO]

I used to live with someone who referred to me as 'me bird'

[TheBirdsTheBirds]

James I'm glad I'm not alone! I can only think of 'him indoors', but I'm sure there are others...I'll bet not as many as there are for wives though. I'm really not easily offended normally.

[FootLikeATractionEngine]

I judge.

Those phrases are usually not the only indications of the MCPness of a tosser who uses them, though. It is usually writ large.

[Bluestocking]

TheBirds, I had a horrible shock reading a blog by a friend-of-a-friend who I thought was really cool and funky - she referred to her husband as "hubby". I had to seriously rethink the cool and funky diagnosis.

[AgentZigzag]

'She who must be obeyed' is just a statement of fact isn't it?