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to find phrases like 'she who must be obeyed' and 'the missus' disrespectful and annoying

(83 Posts)
TheBirdsTheBirds Fri 12-Oct-12 21:29:56

even when used by men I personally know to be nice, helpful people, it still grates. Am I being oversensitive? When I first got married, DH learned VERY quickly not to refer to me as 'the missus'. But I can't quite work out why I find it so annoying.

Obviously 'the old ball and chain' is just insulting, but the other two are used regularly and unthinkingly by lots of men on here and in RL.

SoupDragon Fri 12-Oct-12 21:30:32

Yes. You are being over sensitive.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Fri 12-Oct-12 21:31:57

I don't find it offensive though I am quite passive in general.

Is it not just banter?

nokidshere Fri 12-Oct-12 21:32:47

Yes - you are being oversensitive!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream Fri 12-Oct-12 21:32:52

Doesn't bother me! I call the man I'm currently.seeing "the fella" on here. No one pulls me on itbut agod forbid a man says "the wife"

The missus and such doesn't bother me tbh.

TheBirdsTheBirds Fri 12-Oct-12 21:33:06

I don't find it offensive, it just always grates on me - I think it is almost always just banter, so I'm being oversensitive really, but I just don't like it!

Woozley Fri 12-Oct-12 21:33:52

"She who must be obeyed" is rather hmm, but "the missus" and "the wife" are ok, IMO.

ScaryBeardyDeadyman Fri 12-Oct-12 21:33:56

Yeah you're far too sensitive sweetheart. The little woman doesn't mind when I call her those things. Now be a good girl and stick the kettle on.

TheBirdsTheBirds Fri 12-Oct-12 21:34:09

No, I hate 'the' wife! Ok, it is pretty fussy of me I know, but it just sounds horrible!

MagicHouse Fri 12-Oct-12 21:34:25

My ex used to refer to me like that. It used to annoy the hell out of me!

UndeadPixie Fri 12-Oct-12 21:34:32

yabu. She who must be obeyed is a common term used in this house to refer to my housemate or me! The missus annoys me but I'm not that bothered by it.

TheBirdsTheBirds Fri 12-Oct-12 21:34:53

'Little woman'! Argh grin. Ok, now the missus doesn't seem so bad.

I'd find it irritating and direspectful too, and I'm usually quite relaxed. Especially she who must be obeyed. Grr! Is there a male equivalent to that kind of casual misogyny? I'm racking my brain but can't think of one.

TheBirdsTheBirds Fri 12-Oct-12 21:35:42

The missus, the wife, him/her indoors...it seems dismissive somehow.

Bluestocking Fri 12-Oct-12 21:35:46

I don't mind either of them, although I can see why you might find them annoying. I really can't stand "hubby", but for different reasons; it's just sickeningly twee and cutesy.

CaptainKirksNipples Fri 12-Oct-12 21:36:48

I call my dp 'the wife'. I'm female and he is male. He hates it but is a much better housewife than me :-)

TheBirdsTheBirds Fri 12-Oct-12 21:37:17

Bluestocking hubby is probably my least favourite word in the world, but more for the sound and tweeness than the associations.

AgentZigzag Fri 12-Oct-12 21:40:30

They're just pet names I would say, if you started looking at who was saying them and why though, the fact it's always going to be a bloke is bound to stir up something in the feminist area.

Annunziata Fri 12-Oct-12 21:41:10

It depends how they're said, I think.

Flisspaps Fri 12-Oct-12 21:41:38

In this house, She Who Must Be Obeyed is my correct title.

fluffacloud Fri 12-Oct-12 21:41:48

When we had DD2, my DP's office did a collection for us - we received some beautiful gifts.

The fly in the ointment was his boss saying 'so sorry that the card is addressed to DP and family, we weren't sure what your name was. He only ever calls you her indoors'

I smiled an indulgent 'he's a one, isn't he?' smile and gave him the bollocking of his life when his boss had left.

As a rule I don't mind it, but that was taking the piss! grin

AndFanjoWasHisNameO Fri 12-Oct-12 21:42:03

I used to live with someone who referred to me as 'me bird' hmm

TheBirdsTheBirds Fri 12-Oct-12 21:42:12

James I'm glad I'm not alone! I can only think of 'him indoors', but I'm sure there are others...I'll bet not as many as there are for wives though. I'm really not easily offended normally.

FootLikeATractionEngine Fri 12-Oct-12 21:43:27

I judge.

Those phrases are usually not the only indications of the MCPness of a tosser who uses them, though. It is usually writ large.

Bluestocking Fri 12-Oct-12 21:43:33

TheBirds, I had a horrible shock reading a blog by a friend-of-a-friend who I thought was really cool and funky - she referred to her husband as "hubby". I had to seriously rethink the cool and funky diagnosis.

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