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to be both pleased but a bit unsettled by this news?

(23 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Fri 12-Oct-12 16:43:04

Just had a lovely email from DH saying that today (the very day he was planning to tell his colleagues I am pg) his best friend (one of his colleagues) told him his own wife is pg with their second.

This is lovely obviously, they want a big family and I am so pleased for them smile Also selfishly pleased that DH can now really talk to his friend about all this stuff as he is usually reticent with his friends and stores up his worries. Nice experience for them to share together.

SMALL issue is that - and I have tried and tried - I have never got on with DH's friend's wife!! I have made a lot of effort with her but at the end of the day we are just 2 very different people. Never likely to choose each other as friends. DH's friend is already (very sweetly) saying that I must call her and we must hang out and do/talk baby stuff... (also not my thing, no matter who with!) I of course want to be nice and polite and the idea is nice in principle but oh dear. She is like my opposite, I already know from listening to her about her first pregnancy that she is (no criticism of people who are!) a real hippy-dippy, no pain relief, squeeze a baby out with two-pushes-and-a-camomile-tea kind of person. Um - NOT my plan.

Obviously I can and will do a lot of smile and nod but she really did have a way of getting my goat and making me feel inferior even BEFORE we were co-experiencing a pregnancy!!!

Any advice, apart from avoid her like the plague?! Honestly, she is not at all a bad person, just a million miles from my personality PLUS very bossy and opinionated about children/childbirth...

edam Fri 12-Oct-12 16:46:29

Oh Lord that is horrid timing! Dunno what you can do except nod and smile and avoid as much as possible. But I do feel for you...

KenLeeeeeee Fri 12-Oct-12 16:46:37

You might find that the two of you get along better now you have common ground. I developed some unexpectedly much closer friendships with a few ladies I knew all because we were pregnant at the same time.

Give it a whirl. At the very worst, you'll just have to carry on avoiding her!

emeraldgirl1 Fri 12-Oct-12 16:47:32

Ken that is a good point actually as a lot of the time my trouble with her is that I don't know what ot say to her...

MerylStrop Fri 12-Oct-12 16:47:35

Wouldn't worry

You'll both meet lots of other pregnant people and folks with small children and will gravitate towards the ones who are of a similar ethos.

I wouldn't write her off, you never know - I never particularly got on with one of DH's friends, then she had a child around the same time as me and we found lots of common ground and now count her amongst my closest friends

bushymcbush Fri 12-Oct-12 16:48:08

I would imagine she probably feels exactly the same as you about this - you are opposites, she will have noticed. There is no reason why you should strike up any more of a friendship with her than is polite under the circumstances of your DPs being close friends.

Congratulations on your pg!

lolaflores Fri 12-Oct-12 16:49:05

I had the same thing with a friend of my DH's. Opinionated, entirely opposite to me, radically different views on everything. Tried so hard, but never had that click moment.
IN honesty, I avoided, lame excuses galore and in the end told my DH if he wanted to hang out with hubby, so be it. She was competative, unpleasant and sarky. It took no effort on my part to leave her hanging and really made my life a lot more pleasant when I stopped having to be part of it all. Enjoy your pregnancy, at your own pace not on someone elses terms. You will meet all kinds of folk as you go along, you don't have to be friends with someone if you dont; want to.

WorraLiberty Fri 12-Oct-12 16:50:15

Smile and nod

Oh and tell her to give your goat back

ChaoticismyLife Fri 12-Oct-12 16:50:25

Firstly congratulations smile

I'd advise being very busy over the next few months. Do you work? If so that'll take up some time and you could arrange to see some friends. Don't phone her leave it to her to phone you, you may just find that she feels the same way that you do. If anyone says anything then be vague, say you must arrange something sometime but you'll have to check your diary. It might just buy you a few weeks if she does turn out to be interested in contacting you.

emeraldgirl1 Fri 12-Oct-12 16:51:06

Well, maybe it could go either way... I have (already) gathered that DH's friend is happily envisaging cosy Saturdays walking in the park, bbqs with the kids etc... I guess I will either make a new friend for life (unlikely) or slowly go round the bend...

emeraldgirl1 Fri 12-Oct-12 16:52:02

WorraLiberty just spat out my tea, that made me laugh so much

Chaotic I work, she doesn't... clever thinking!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 12-Oct-12 16:52:20

Do you socialise a lot with them now?

If not, then unless your DH really pushes it (and IME DHs don't tend to control the social diary) then it should be possible to be vague about your lack of desire to become best mates with her.

Don't write off the possibility that a shared experience will bring you closer, but I don't feel you should feel under any obligation to have any more contact than you do now.

BunnyLeBOOwski Fri 12-Oct-12 16:54:16

YANBU

I hate the common assumption that having a baby at the same time is basis for a friendship.

I made an effort with a colleague of DP's wife when I was having DD. The girl was thick as mince. Why would I want to spend time with her?

And don't get me started on baby groups etc hmm

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 12-Oct-12 16:54:33

Me and someone I know are like you are her. Yes, we've had a better quality of small talk, but basically, there's no pretending we would ever be friends if if it were our choice. It's fine.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 12-Oct-12 16:55:00

... I mean better quality of small talk since having children

emeraldgirl1 Fri 12-Oct-12 16:55:02

Jamie DH and friend tend to hang out more just them with other friends, mostly football-related and pub stuff. I think I just panicked a bit at DH's emails forwarding (lovely) emails from his friend with All Kinds Of Plans... He's a lovely guy (friend, though DH too!) so he's just being nice and it's sweet that he's so pleased for us. I think a lot of people thought (mistakenly) that we were having problems conceieving as we took so bloody long to get around to it after being together for donkey's years (not goat's years)

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 12-Oct-12 16:56:35

I think you are just jumping ahead of yourself a bit and worrying about what might never happen. Enjoy your pregnancy

BlueSkySinking Fri 12-Oct-12 16:57:36

Don't write her off just yet. Sometimes having babies together can act as quite a middle ground for people. You will probably really change the way you expect to do things with a baby anyway, and so just be very open/interested in all advice but selective about what you do. I'm sure you will find something you agree upon.

emeraldgirl1 Fri 12-Oct-12 16:57:40

Jamie - I do specialise in exactly that wink

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 12-Oct-12 16:58:04

ditto grin

emeraldgirl1 Fri 12-Oct-12 17:00:22

Oh, Lord, though it has just occurred to me that in her last pregnancy she was svelte and serene and looked groomed and glossy while I (on a good, non-preg) day, am a bit of a mess and could lose half a stone... there may be trouble ahead... smile

NatashaBee Fri 12-Oct-12 17:04:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oh, and you never know, she may end up shouting for the epidural at the first twinge! not like my friend no no

So if you find you are biting your tongue, just imagine how, when the reality of pregnancy/childbirth, her views may change. Sometimes that's all you need to tolerate someone you'd normally never spend a lot of time with, just that little voice in the back of your head...

(sounds a bit mean but it has successfully kept me from telling certain individuals to fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off some more)

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