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To not want my neighbour to ring me about this at work? (sorry long and boring)

(18 Posts)
Bananaketchup Fri 12-Oct-12 15:38:50

I'm very friendly with my neighbour - chat out in the garden, offer to get stuff for each if one of us is going to the shops etc. Her parents live in the same street, they're in their 80s. Yesterday when I got home from work there was a long message on my answerphone from my dad, saying my neighbour had rung him to ask him to tell me that her mum was having to go to hospital, and saying she'd left her dog with her dad but he's unsteady on his feet so would I walk the dog when I get in from work, as she was going to stay with her mum at the hospital overnight.

I am of course more than happy to walk the dog - it's not a big ask. I had friends round for dinner one of whom had come from work with me, so I felt a bit rude talking on the phone while she was there but I rang my dad back to tell him I'd got the message. While I was doing this my neighbour rang again and left a message with the same info she'd told my dad. Then an hour later her dad rang to say he'd already walked the dog, and we agreed I'd come and do it again before bed. An hour later he rang again to tell me not to bother.

This morning I rang my neighbour's dad to say I'd come and walk the dog at 7am, to be told my neighbour and her mum had come back from hospital at 2am and she'd taken the dog back home, so no need. Half an hour later my neighbour rang to thank me - I hadn't really done anything except take some phone calls! - and when I said I didn't see her answerphone message until this morning cos she must have rang while I was talking to my dad, she said she'd rang him cos she'd rang me at work first but it went to answerphone.

Now I don't have the kind of job where I'm sitting by the phone - I'm a therapist for seriously ill teenagers and bereaved parents. If I'd got her call at 2pm - to tell me her mum was going non-urgently to hospital and would I walk her dog later - I wouldn't have come home early, I wouldn't have done anything different, I didn't need to know about it until I got home at 5.30. My dad didn't need ringing cos she couldn't get me on the phone - she knows what I do for a job.

Now obviously she was worried about her mum but I'm not happy she rang me at work and then dragged my dad into it cos she didn't reach me, for something which could have waited til I got home. I'm willing to admit I may be overreacting a bit cos I felt inhospitable to my guests to keep taking phonecalls, and I know she was stressed at the time but AIBU to be a bit miffed?

WhenShallWeThreeMeetAgain Fri 12-Oct-12 15:42:14

Yes, YAdefinitelyBU.

MerylStrop Fri 12-Oct-12 15:45:21

I'd say it was forgivable, once. She lost all sense of perspective in her worry.

I'd just casually drop into conversation sometime that you can't take calls during work hours or respond unless its life-or-death.

I guess she might have been trying to get it sorted right then and there as she might have thought she'd be unable to contact you later, stuck in hospital

PeazlyPops Fri 12-Oct-12 15:45:30

YANBU at all, I'd make it clear that she should only ring you at work in an emergency.

sooperdooper Fri 12-Oct-12 15:45:40

YABU, and a bit silly if you think friends at your house are going to be mortally offended by you answering the phone, it's really no big deal and they were just worried about making proper arrangements

sooperdooper Fri 12-Oct-12 15:46:37

If you don't want her to ring you at work she shouldn't really have the number, nobody has my work extension number, they can call my mobile, if I can answer it I will

Nancy66 Fri 12-Oct-12 15:48:12

if you'd just responded though, presumably she wouldn't have kept ringing.

Presumably when you're busy at work people get the machine, so you didn't have to speak to her at all.

I think you're being a bit precious. Could all have been sorted in 30 seconds.

Bananaketchup Fri 12-Oct-12 15:55:10

I didn't get a message at work - we do have a wonky answerphone though. And I didn't give her my work number, I can only think she went through switchboard.

Maybe I am BU. I understand she was worried. Maybe spending the afternoon with a mum who's son is imminently dying and a girl who wants to stop treatment cos she's had enough skewed my perspective, and made me think arrangements for walking a dog are not so urgent. But my job is my choice, so if MN thinks I am BU I'll accept I overreacted.

Nancy66 Fri 12-Oct-12 15:57:36

If this is a one off, you get on and help each other out then I would let it go.

Good neighbours are a godsend - take it from someone who has the worst neighbours in the UK

ParsleyTheLioness Fri 12-Oct-12 15:59:55

Don't think you are BU...maybe she panicked a bit, but there is a lack of understanding of boundaries here I think.

Mintyy Fri 12-Oct-12 16:02:28

Sorry ... that is all way too complicated for me! Could you condense it into a couple of sentences grin.

OhDeerHauntingFENTON Fri 12-Oct-12 16:11:34

Banana - she may know what you do for a job but not really understand it, IYSWIM.

It sounds like what you do would (understandably) alter your perspective on day to day things like your neighbour was dealing with. But to your neighbour it was a small crisis and she was trying to make arrangements for the dog - that was the most important thing in her day at that time.

Don't let it spoil what sounds like a lovely neighbourly relationship you have.

Bananaketchup Fri 12-Oct-12 16:19:43

Ok, opinion seems to be that we were both a bit U but it was understandable in the circs, which is fair enough. She is a lovely neighbour and I am lucky to have that, so I'll just let it go. Thanks for opinions.

BlueSkySinking Fri 12-Oct-12 16:48:31

Ask her to text in the future?

fuckwittery Sat 13-Oct-12 08:02:45

i couldn't follow all the phone calls etc - she rung last night while you were at home - you had a guest (but she couldn't know this). and she rung you at work to let you know not to worry about tonight (maybe didn't want you to thinking all day that your evening was going to be busy with walking the dog, in case you wanted to make other plans). she is worried about her mum and wanted to speak to you to confirm all arrangements.
I would never find someone's work number and call them there and would find it a bit weird so I can understand that, but not everyone is like that. My MIL would have no hesitation doing that, nor would my mum - is she from an older generation of pre-text? I'm guessing you two don't normally communicate by text.

socharlotte Sat 13-Oct-12 08:25:50

For minty - neighbour rang me at work to thank me.AIBU?

avivabeaver Sat 13-Oct-12 08:57:14

Just tell her very nicely that due to the nature of your work, you do not give out your work number, because it is inappropriate to answer calls etc during sessions. Give her your mobile and ask her to leave a message on that.

SoleSource Sat 13-Oct-12 09:14:21

Very OTT on her behalf,.about a dog. Yanbu

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