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Or is oh.... working versus staying home with baby??

(12 Posts)
Wheresmygalaxy Fri 12-Oct-12 10:49:20

Ive been self employed for the past 2 years, luckily i work from home too so when i fell pregnant with ds we both decided as his is the regular income (my wages depend on whether i sell anything) i would be the parent to stay at home taking care of our baby. i had in my mind as my maternity pay runs out in january thats when i would start back making items to sell again.

Oh was made redundant last wek though and is currently working on a temp contract for another firm, he has many friends who hes been in touch with all week to see if there are any other jobs and its looking promising. i mentioned last night that i could get a part time job at evening or weekends (was thinking supermarket or bar work) to help out also but would have to look into my tac credit situation as i may be worse off.

this morning ive had a call from him saying his friend who works for a large organisation has a job for me if i want it, 2 days a week for the next 2 months possibly being kept on further, hes practically pushing me into taking it and when i asked him who would look after the baby he says he would stay home to do it now as ill be working.

i think 1 he hasnt thought about the fact that my 2 day part time job wont cover our bills versus his full time job, and 2, we are better off in our situation now both able to work from our own workplaces so why change things and make life harder just so i can say i work 2 days a week. - from january i can work whenever i want really. i can understand he wants to stay home with the baby and bond better but he seems to think itll be days full of doing exciting things with him and inbetween playing on his x box. i feel like such an ungrateful lazy cow if i say no to this job though, but i know we would struggle more financially if i took it. aibu to say no to it when so many people are crying out for work??

BedHog Fri 12-Oct-12 10:53:31

If you work more than 10 days during your maternity leave then you'll lose your Maternity Allowance. No point working if you're going to be worse off, unless it's an amazing job that will help your career long term, of course.

geegee888 Fri 12-Oct-12 11:02:54

I'm torn on this one. Is the two days a week job one with better prospects, salary and status than the working from home one? Is the working from home one a realistic way of earning money at all? I would say 2 days a week jobs are like hen's teeth, and if its any good, to grasp it as an opportunity. Even if it means slight loss of income in the short term. Your both parents now and have a family to support. If its just a rubbish job for pin money, I'd forget it.

I'm also a bit hmmn at the speed the "friend" has found a job for you, but not your DH, and at the alacrity at which he wants to change the goalposts and swap roles.

Wheresmygalaxy Fri 12-Oct-12 11:08:35

bedhog i had no idea i could work for up to 10 days, thanks for that info

This 2 day job is in an area i have no experience of whatsoever, he's arranged for me to speak with this woman and if i didnt have a baby id jump at the chance to work there and see what happens as im fully aware this could lead on to more opportunities, but as a mother i have to think about the here and now also and right now if i take this job and loose some of my tax credits which ive enquired about, we couldnt pay the mortgage next month, so i dont have the opportunity or the time to sit around and waiting to see if a better job opens up for me there.

its on the lowest pay band in the organisation aso as he says hardly anyone will go for it as its not worth bothering with for most people hmm ok for me though!!

If im honest im being partially selfish also as my ds is just over 3 months and im really not ready to start leaving him yet.

CassandraApprentice Fri 12-Oct-12 11:14:05

I'd sit down with some sums and your DH and talk it through.

I'd also point out that while at home with DC x amount of things will have to be done at the same time and that DC are hard work to look after properly.

It's worth finding there out if the new job has any long term benefit that you aren't immediately aware of. Having said that - if you’re worse off then of course turn the job down there will be someone of there you would find this job ideal.

Might also be worth probing why he gone looking for work for you – does he think you don’t like being at home or is there an issue at his work place and he’s looking for a way out?

CassandraApprentice Fri 12-Oct-12 11:16:56

Well a converation with the employer a good chance to see what is on offer - and judge whether it is likley to lead to better oportunties or if its a carrot that will never be given just to get the job filled.

Might also be worth asking how soon you would have to start - they might wait few more months - would that make it easier to consider it?

Wheresmygalaxy Fri 12-Oct-12 11:20:53

Cass as i said in my post he was made redundant so is only tempint at the moment, i said id look for a parttime job at weekends or evenings when he is able to mind ds, i said this because i can still run my own business whilst bringing up my child but also have a REGULAR income from this part time job. hes just heard part time job and run off with the idea i could do 2 days a week and hasnt really thought (and isnt really listening) to what im actually aiming for by looking for part time work.

ther eprobably would be job opportunities come from this part time job but they wouldnt be in the next few months which is when we actually need that full time pay. his work on the other hand is very easy to come by so it makes more sense for him to work and be the regular breadwinner. i feel somehoe im being pressuried into this by him and now his friend who has sent 3 emails already since 9am asking if ive recieved the job spec, when im likely to reply to him, and when can i come into have a chat with a lady he knows who works in the same dept. just feel completely railroaded into leaving ds which i think is what im more upset with.

Wheresmygalaxy Fri 12-Oct-12 11:27:15

It starts end of this month and finishes just before christmas as its to clear a backlog of invoices that need to be dealt with, it seems nothing would be immediate with regards to other job opportunities but if i applied for something in the future it would help that iv previously worked for them. so basically i could do this little job, get finished up and nothing come from it for a year or 2.

CassandraApprentice Fri 12-Oct-12 11:35:09

I'm was wondering if he really hating the tempory work or is worried about the future - that was all.

If there is no guarteen of work opening up there in the future not really sure it get you much alot all working there for a few months and you’re not ready to leave what is still a young baby. I'd turn it down - and try very hard to get him to listen to why - and what you are looking for.

Skaramoosh Fri 12-Oct-12 12:15:50

I think your idea of trying to find evening or weekend work sounds more sensible than your DHs proposal and also, if you might end up financially worse off overall, it's probably not really worth it! I can understand you not wanting to leave your baby just yet too although I know in some circumstances this is unavoidable. But if you can manage without this part time job, then I would be inclined to forget it. It's obviously more awkward because it's a friend of DHs but you'll probably resent the whole situation if you take the job after being coerced into it.

Wheresmygalaxy Fri 12-Oct-12 14:27:25

Ive told oh well sit down to talk about it tonight, once i show him how much worse we would be off each month i think he'll agree its stupid to consider it at the moment.

think i just needed it validated to make me realise im not lazy or selfish for wanting to stay at home. thanks!

jellybeans Fri 12-Oct-12 14:35:50

YANBU I wouldn't take it if you want to SAH. I totally agree both parents can be excellent SAHP but I also think the mother usually wants to stay home with a young baby more, purely from my own observations of friend/family. Whether it is biological or socially constructed that way is another debate. But for me personally I gave birth, breastfed etc and wanted to be with my babies at least most the time after the horrors of previous losses and stillbirths. DH wanted to go to work, he loves his job. We're both happy. But it doesn't sound like you would be if DH is at home. You have to find something you are both happy with. I have done other things; f/t with DD1 (DH also f/t) didn't work out, hated leaving DD all day in nursery and felt missing out. Worked weekends while DH worked in the week, this was OK but we had few chance to go out as a family. After that DH got his dream job but has extreme restriction of when I could work, luckily I wanted to stay home so was happy.

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