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to slightly judge nursery worker?

(151 Posts)
pleasethanks Fri 12-Oct-12 10:45:49

Okay I am probably ABU to judge her, but I think many of you might have....

There is a lady who works at DD's nursery who is rather pregnant. When I went to pick up DD I saw her walking away (the pregnant lady) at the end of her shift, smoking. She is about 7 months pregnant.

I don't have a problem at all with nursery staff smoking, up to them. But I did feel slightly odd about seeing a pregnant lady, who cares for children, smoking.

AIBU?

In a word Yes! It was at the end of her shift and so as long as she wasnt smoking whilst caring for the kids then it is nothing to do with you.

We all know smoking is not good.....some pregnant women still do it! For all you know she has cut down from 20 a day to 5!!

bubalou Fri 12-Oct-12 11:02:34

No - sorry - judge away.

What would be unreasonable is to say something to her as it's her body an unfortunately her baby.

It's fucking selfish to smoke when pregnant - I don't care if she has cut down from 50 a day to 5 a day - if you can't be bothered to put your babies needs above your own selfish ones when it comes to something as important as this then maybe she shouldn't have got pregnant.

I hate how people try to justify smoking and drinking alcohol (I mean proper drinking, not a glass of wine) when pregnant.

It makes me sick!

cheekydevil Fri 12-Oct-12 11:02:51

No, I would have judged her too. Wouldn't have said anything but inside I can't help cringing.

cheekydevil Fri 12-Oct-12 11:04:20

Yey bubalou the one that says what I am not brave enough to!

OhDeerHauntingFENTON Fri 12-Oct-12 11:06:11

Sometimes it's okay to judge.

WereTricksPotter Fri 12-Oct-12 11:15:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsKeithRichards Fri 12-Oct-12 11:18:11

I'm a smoker for whom it was a no brainer and stopping was easy.

I cringe when I see a pregnant woman smoking, it looks awful. Just like I don't like seeing people pushing prams smoking or puffing away at school gates.

But I still smoke!

Wheresmycaffeinedrip Fri 12-Oct-12 11:23:16

Id judge away too!! As posted above if u can't make the one sacrifice of quitting for the same of ur baby then you r too selfish to have a baby. What u do before u find out be it at 1/2/4/5 mOnths u can't help but the second u find out that should be it!!!

Also amazes me how people can talk to u or post on face book about how poorly their child is with a chest infection or asthma and be stood there puffing away. Like doing that one thing wouldn't make a difference.

I think it's horrible people can't give it up for their unborn baby sad I used to smoke but quit the second I got that positive test .

I have come across pregnant women smoking and my judgey pants were pulled high.

FWIW I dont judge pregnant women who have the very occasional drink, but smoking IMO is a total no no. I know a girl who gave up smoking while pregnant. I know how hard it was for her. But she put her child first.

RubyFakeNails Fri 12-Oct-12 11:26:22

You can judge buts thats as far as it goes. Its really nothing to do with you.

I might have turned my nose up a bit to myself, in the way I do when I see someone spitting in the street, but I can't get worked up about it.

I think you know its ok to judge but not ok to act, so I'm not really sure what resolution you're looking for from this thread.

ProbablyDoingTheWrongThing Fri 12-Oct-12 11:28:28

yanbu

< unpicks wedgie >>

VeremyJyle Fri 12-Oct-12 11:29:08

Yabu, we all have autonomy to make our own decisions, its none of your business.

SamSmalaidh Fri 12-Oct-12 11:32:26

On one hand, I totally accept that pregnant women can do whatever they want with their bodies and I would never stop someone smoking just because they are pregnant.

On the other hand, I do judge - especially women smoking outside maternity hospitals! - but I keep my judginess to myself grin

ByTheWay1 Fri 12-Oct-12 11:32:33

Sorry - I would judge - was she still in uniform/work clothes, does she smoke outside in these clothes during the day? does she then hug babies close to her whilst in smoky clothes, not recommended....

WorraLiberty Fri 12-Oct-12 11:36:29

It's horrible to see people putting their unborn babies at risk.

But YABU to judge her as you know nothing about her.

I don't like seeing obese women putting their unborn babies at risk either...and there seems to be far more of them than smokers nowadays.

But the truth is, unless you know them personally and know why they're putting them at risk you can't really judge can you?

purplehouse Fri 12-Oct-12 11:37:10

Makes me sick and reminds me of when I was in hospital suffering horrible pregnancy complications and hoping my baby woul be ok. The woman in the bed next to me wasn't ill, just overdue. The baby's father would bring in cigs for her and the pair of them would go out smoking. The doc came round to see her and she was out smoking.

Would you judge someone eating soft cheese or tucking into Liver and Bacon....none of which is recommended for pregnant women?? No, I bet no-one would.

I agree with Ruby - what outcome are you expecting from this thread.......as long as she is informed about the hazards of smoking whilst pregnant then it is totally up to her.

Look at all the shit Stacey Solomon got for having the odd ciggie whilst pregnant. I am sure all the stress and judginess was far worse for her and the baby's health than the actual cigarette was.

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Fri 12-Oct-12 11:40:11

YANBU, I judge pregnant women who smoke. It's not as though every MW isn't falling over themselves to offer help for them to quit so they are actively making a very selfish choice. I wouldn't be best pleased with a nursery worker breathing smoke over my DC or picking them up with smokey clothes on either, but if it was at the end of the day I suppose that isn't a problem.

Redknickerswillstoptrains Fri 12-Oct-12 11:41:12

I would cringe ,I see a mum smoking while pregent when i'm doing the school run,can't help the way you feel,would never say anything so maybe that makes me a hyprocrite.

WorraLiberty Fri 12-Oct-12 11:44:29

Red not marching up to a stranger and telling them what they should/shouldn't do is not being a hypoctrite...it's keeping your nose out of other people's business.

WitchesTitWhistles Fri 12-Oct-12 11:45:46

Someone told me when I was pregnant for he first time (it was a wonderful psychologist friend of my mum),

"Ask not whether you want a baby, but whether a baby would want you".

It always comes back to me when I see things like that. As bubalou and others have said, it's fine to judge when its such an obvious example of unhealthiness.

But she's probably aware of all the judgy-ness that's directed towards her and I doubt it makes her feel any better about herself. Which in turn would make her seek solace in cigarettes. Vicious circle.

This is the second time I have seen someone on here say bacon is not recommended for pregnant women.

Why? Seriously? Its bacon fgs.

I know its off topic but there are enough "not allowds" for pregnant women. Leave bacon alone.

cheekydevil Fri 12-Oct-12 11:48:32

Minding your own business when you see someone harming their unborn baby.
Minding your own business when you see someone harming their baby.
What's the difference?

atacareercrossroads Fri 12-Oct-12 11:50:06

YABU it might be her first cig in ages after a particularly stressful day. The odd cig when pg isnt great but not the end of the world.

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