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to think parents videoing school assemblies and posting the video on facebook is wrong

(193 Posts)
mamabanana Fri 12-Oct-12 10:36:55

Just noticed a post from a friend on facebook with a video link to a class assembly. I honestly don't think the person posting has thought through their actions, but surely it is against most school policies? If the school record something, they have to get every parent to sign to say they agree to their child being videoed. I have no problem with parents videoing their children to watch back, but posting it on social media????

What do you think and what would you do? Am I overreacting? I need a second opinion before I speak to friend or even the school about it.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Fri 12-Oct-12 11:54:11

Yes it is up to you to choose what you do with images of hour dc it is not up to you to decide what to do with images of other people's children

You may set things to friends and family only but There is nothing you can do to prevent them redistributing the images

CouthyMowWearingOrange Fri 12-Oct-12 11:54:15

Seriously, it's not MY DC that are at risk, my videos focus on MY DC, others are just in the background.

If the FC doesn't want to take the risk of photos online, then they need to decide whether their FC DC can participate, because I'm NOT going without a record of the assembly that I can share with my family.

filetheflightoffancy Fri 12-Oct-12 11:54:53

So if you tag all of those people in the photos, then all of their friends will also be able to see these images. Not so private then...

oopsydaisymaisy Fri 12-Oct-12 11:55:13

My DD is adopted, and this year they had a little autumn play which some parents filmed, and we had to ask the school to ask the parents to be careful about where they put it. DD has been followed by someone who turned out to be a friend of her birth parents, and he was giving information about where she lived, in which room etc; to the birth parents.Her birth parents have seen a photo posted by my friend of the first time she met DD after she was adopted, because they commented on there. That meant she found out where she was living, and with who. My friend had private settings but one of her friends who shared it hadn't, which was how they saw it. We asked her to take it down.

A random stranger coming up and making a fuss about them is fine. The possibility that her birth parents, who have made it very clear they want her back- even though she was neglected- could try and take her if they get too much information, well I'm not risking that.

Our school asks parents not to film the play, instead there is a photo time afterwards. People get their photos, kids like DD aren't identified by birth parents.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Fri 12-Oct-12 11:55:30

Because I can't go that on my phone. Fb is how we share these things. I don't need to change the way I do things.

I have BEEN the DC in FC, and I think these rules are OTT.

oopsydaisymaisy Fri 12-Oct-12 11:56:52

By the way, if everyone just took videos of their own DC, that's fine. It's people who take a longshot video of everything, so having kids like my DD not just in the background, that's the danger.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Fri 12-Oct-12 11:58:27

Well, that's a shame that your DD has been followed by someone who knows her birth family, but it isn't going to stop me from videoing my DC's. NOTHING WILL.

Surely it is YOUR responsibility to keep her safe, not mine. It's my responsibility to do what I see best for my DC's, and that is to connect them to their absent family members by sharing things like assemblies and class photos from their childhood.

FamiliesShareGerms Fri 12-Oct-12 12:03:15

McHappy - because even if the birth parents consented to the adoption, they might still want to know more about the adoptive child than the system would normally allow. They, or other family members, might want to see them face to face, which would not normally permitted. In some circumstances, there may be a real danger that the birth family will seek to find and remove the adoptive child. Knowing which school they are at makes that pretty easy.

To those who say, well, you let them walk down the street without covering their faces, yes, because it's about balancing risk with giving them a normal life. Eg we would never take DD to where we know most of her birth family live. DH doesn't have a picture of her up in his office because a large number of his colleagues live where they do. But of course she goes to the park, talks to people we meet and other normal stuff. it's just that we make sure we manage the risk as best we can.

And those of you who don't care about the risk to other children, so long as you can show off your children on social media (which, however you set your privacy settings is essentially publishing it) I feel both angry that my child's safety is not apparently worthy of your consideration and sad that you have that attitude.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Fri 12-Oct-12 12:03:25

I only take video where my DC's are talking/singing. I don't video the whole thing. So it's a 2 minute max video each time, where my DC's are the focus.

If other people don't want me to post pics or videos with their DC's in the background, then they need to ensure that they are moved when I'm videoing.

I don't see why I should ask ANYONE whether I can post a 2 minute video of MY child, just because shock horror there might be other DC in the background.

And as for that fall - if it wasn't MY DC, I'd edit it out. Easy to do on an iPhone.

Narked Fri 12-Oct-12 12:03:27

You're never going to make selfish people care about anything but what they want to do.

They could record footage and burn it onto a disc for family, or show it to them on their phone/laptop but why go to that bother for the sake of someone else's child.

filetheflightoffancy Fri 12-Oct-12 12:03:41

If you can facebook from your phone then you can email pics from your phone. You are just being deliberately controversial.

oopsydaisymaisy Fri 12-Oct-12 12:04:51

I don't want you to stop videoing your DCs. As long as you're doing it focusing on your children, which you are, that's fine because they are your DCs and you have a right to video them. In the post before that, you said other children were in the background- that's what I want. If everyone did that, there wouldn't be a problem. People doing longshots of the whole play, and not focusing on their DCs, instead often having detail on my DD or other people's, that's a problem if they are posting it on facebook.

I take video of my DD. I send it to my family. I, like you, want to connect her to my family, especially as many of them have never properly met her. However, I won't put it on facebook because I don't know what will happen, unless all my family have promised never to share it and understand why.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Fri 12-Oct-12 12:08:06

I decide what I do with MY pictures if MY DC's, YOU decide what you do with YOUR pictures of your DC's.

The person who takes the picture holds the rights over it, I'm afraid.

And if it's MY picture, I get to choose where I put it.

Yes, your DD might have problems for this - maybe you are living too close to her birth family, and that might be something for YOU to consider.

I focus the shots on my DC's, tbh I don't even notice other people in the background.

Plus our school doesn't even say we can't video or put it online.

I wouldn't send my DC's to a school with a rule like that because the ability to share things like this on fb with my family is so important to me.

McHappyPants2012 Fri 12-Oct-12 12:08:19

couthy, show some empathy.

If you want to show the video send the Video via email, make a dvd and post it or have a movie night buy popcorn and invite family to come and see the play.

why put other children at risk jsut because you are being selfish.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Fri 12-Oct-12 12:11:11

Well maybe I'm too technologically shite then. I can't figure out a way to email pics from my phone. Fb I just click a button. Probably would be more private to email them, but I do what I know how to do!

CouthyMowWearingOrange Fri 12-Oct-12 12:12:23

I think America, Germany, Hawaii, Scotland and Italy might be a bit too far to come for a film night and can't afford postage needs to be something free. Hence using fb.

Narked Fri 12-Oct-12 12:13:02

You see! It's actually your fault for not moving! Not that moving would help when selfish people post stuff on Facebook that easily identifies your child and their location.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Fri 12-Oct-12 12:13:12

Would consider other options if they were easy and free.

Narked Fri 12-Oct-12 12:13:55

Or ... email

CouthyMowWearingOrange Fri 12-Oct-12 12:15:43

If I choose a school based on their policies, and making sure that they don't stop me from sharing my videos and pics of my DC's in a way that I deem fit is one of the things I particularly look for, if they changed the policy I would ignore it tbh, of it was one of the reasons I chose the school. My reasons are no less valid than anyone else's. my choices are no less valid than anyone else's.

CouthyMowWearingOrange Fri 12-Oct-12 12:16:28

Just said, don't know how to email pics and videos. Have sent a total of 4 emails in my life.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Fri 12-Oct-12 12:17:05

Email is easy and free, you can just add emails and videos as attachments.

FamiliesShareGerms Fri 12-Oct-12 12:20:29

Couthy, even if we lived the other side of the world from DD's birth parents, they could still track her down using the information you have decided to broadcast to the world (because anything on social media is in the public domain). Thanks for that.

There are other ways to share pictures and film with friends and family (which we use). And as oopsy says, there are ways of capturing your Dc without including everyone else.

I'm going to assume that you are being deliberately provocative, because surely no one would be that selfish that genuine child protection issues were of lesser importance than being able to post pictures of your children's school play on Facebook.

oopsydaisymaisy Fri 12-Oct-12 12:23:09

Maybe you could have a blog? Give it a name like '(whatever your DC's name is) Blog' and give it an odd url, and no one will find it apart from your family. I started a blog ages ago, and no one outside my family found it. Then you can do whatever you want on there. The reason that's better, albeit only slightly, is that someone has to specifically search the name of the blog, and as DD's birth parents won't know your DC's name, then it should hopefully be safer. Wordpress or google Blogger are good ways to make a free blog.

I don't know how to email videos from phones though. And by the way, we live on the opposite side of the UK to them. We moved specifically after the incident, when we were already divided by two cities, and they were really that desperate to find her.

FamiliesShareGerms Fri 12-Oct-12 12:24:51

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