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To feel like a failure??

(9 Posts)
JustForMe Fri 12-Oct-12 02:15:37

I'll try and keep it short...

Ds2 is 4 months old and up until last month I ebf him but then I decided to return to college to do am access diploma. Anyway I put him into nursery 3 days a week where he was formula fed.

Now I carried on bf when he was home but my milk started to dry up AMD he went from 3 hours between feeds at night to every hour.

I couldn't cope so the other day switched to just bottles which has worked out better but I just feel like I've failed him by not bf longer.

With ds1 I could only bf for 2 weeks due to pain and I'm still finding it hard to come to terms with that failure and now I feel like I've failed my son again.

My partner says I'm being silly and I probably am but I can't help but feel guilty for going back to college.

Sorry its long.

Wheresmypopcorn Fri 12-Oct-12 02:45:48

I think these are natural emotions, though it sounds to me like you have done everything you can. I have discussed with a few friends and a few of us had crying spells when we gave up bf. (Your hormone levels adjust so you have every right to feel sensitive). sounds like you are doing great things with your studying which is truly amazing considering how much you have on at the mo. try and let it go and be confident that you have made the right decision, sounds like you are doing a fab job.

Softlysoftly Fri 12-Oct-12 02:54:34

Bf is such a small part of their lives, you are working towards a better lo g term future for your children something that IMO is far more important and long lasting you should be proud.

Yes there are benefits but these aren't absolute, my ebf niece has asthma, it's not magic juice! So be pleased with yourself you gave them both colostrum which is a really good thing and work on their future!

I say this as I bf DD2 (4 months) sat next to DD1 who only got 8 weeks mixed bf/ff and I feel not one jot of guilt as she's beautiful, clever and god willing healthy, ff wasn't poison!

SadPunk Fri 12-Oct-12 03:12:21

I know you feel guilty now, but really it will pass. You did better than me! 3 months is a good while to breastfeed, it's really not the be all and end all. You did what you thought was best.

ripsishere Fri 12-Oct-12 05:22:17

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE you are otoh, being VU.
I was told I was a failure when I failed to BF DD. She was on FF three days after birth. My DH had to get a note to buy bottles in a pharmacy.
My DD is healthy, happy and, while she is on the bony side, that's down to her disinterest in food.
Repeat after me, I AM NOT A FAILURE.
Hope that helps.

JustForMe Fri 12-Oct-12 05:53:09

Thanks for all your support. I never thought giving up bf would be so hard.

FolkGhoul Fri 12-Oct-12 06:00:42

You are not a failure.

But giving up is hard sad.

I think it's hard for everyone though, however long they did it for.

MyLastDuchess Fri 12-Oct-12 09:13:30

I agree that giving up is hard, and I think your partner just doesn't understand how much breastfeeding and emotions are tied up together.

Not to mention the amount of guilt mothers are given about just about every aspect of giving birth and feeding the baby, whether we BF or FF.

I BF my son for 18 months and still felt terribly sad when I stopped and thought I should have kept it up just a bit longer.

You are not a failure and running yourself into the ground/giving up all your own goals and other aspects of your life are not signs of being a 'successful' mother. To be honest I think one of the best things we can model for our children is good self care, and you are doing that.

Just as an aside, standard maternity leave here in NL is three months after the birth and many mothers don't breastfeed past that point (despite legal provisions allowing pumping at work, it isn't always practical or even physically possible for some women). As a nation we still seem to be doing ok in general!

You may not know that it's quite common to suffer a bit of an emotional dip after stopping BFing. In my case I was quite down for about a week. Hormones and all that.

Faylalu Fri 12-Oct-12 09:53:03

You're not a failure by any means! I lost my job (been made redundant both times Ive been pregnant - utter bummer) and my husband had a breakdown. I only bf for 3 months (I was gutted) and had to put my son in nursery at 5 months old. I felt like an utter bitch to do that to him. But, you can't control what happens in your life. You cant control when courses start and bf, although great and I loved it, only matters for as long as you do it. There will be no lasting effects because you haven't done it for long enough (however long that is?) You've provided the best you can for your child and that's all that matters - just might not be what you expected.

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