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please help me , dd (nearly 10 ) coming into my bed.

(17 Posts)
Whistlingwaves Thu 11-Oct-12 21:28:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quasimodo Thu 11-Oct-12 21:29:43

i would let her come in for the comfort. she wont be there forever. sorry for your loss x

RandomMess Thu 11-Oct-12 21:29:59

Will she compromise and sleep on a mattress on the floor of your room?

I'm all for giving her the support she needs at the moment but personally could not sleep if there was one of my dc in my bed!

shewhowines Thu 11-Oct-12 21:31:02

Bribe her with something nice for a certain number of nights. Perhaps something small leading up to something bigger for more nights. The trick is to break the habit and build confidence.

Quasimodo Thu 11-Oct-12 21:33:26

but you have DH/DP....its nice to have someone to cuddle in the night, especially if you are grieving someone you love sad

Softlysoftly Thu 11-Oct-12 21:33:33

I'd let her in but I'm a bit of a softie on bed sharing.

Then when the trauma does down as pp says bribe her back in eg something new for her room?

Whistlingwaves Thu 11-Oct-12 21:33:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheerMum Thu 11-Oct-12 21:34:01

Not sure about the autism side of things but I'd be tempted to let her come in, though I wouldn't make her too comfortable. Play up the fact that in her own bed she can stretch out whereas in your bed it's a bit cramped...oops...did I just elbow you? Iykwim. But I'd let her do it for a while first, she needs the comfort, and if she's been spooked by something she'll need a little more cuddles than normal.

Whistlingwaves Thu 11-Oct-12 21:34:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Portofino Thu 11-Oct-12 21:36:48

I would let her come in for a few days. She obviously needs the comfort. Then gently encourage to go back to her own room.

Portofino Thu 11-Oct-12 21:37:16

I would let her come in for a few days. She obviously needs the comfort. Then gently encourage to go back to her own room.

Quasimodo Thu 11-Oct-12 21:37:32

oh ok whistling& sorry (me too) .....dont you want to have dd to cuddle then at this time?

i love letting dds in my bed, when 1/2/3 of us are feeling blue smile

kateecass Thu 11-Oct-12 21:40:17

I know different but my aged 4 DD was coming into my bed a lot at night and we were both ending up tired. Said she was scared of bat!! Decided we'd try having a massive cuddle just before bed and so far it's working. Wouldn't do any harm to try anyway? We're really enjoying our "long cuddle" before bed.

VerySmallSqueak Thu 11-Oct-12 21:40:47

Mine did this for a while when we moved house.Admittedly they were younger,but it certainly wasn't something they would ordinarily do,or that I'd ordinarily allow.
I took it that it was a big deal for them and that it had unsettled them so they needed the extra comfort.
They stopped doing it by themselves as they got more settled - it just gradually got less and less till it stopped.
With the being scared thing,when mine have been through similar,I explain that they only have to call and I will come (I remember being scared to even get out of bed to get someone when I was little).And I stuck to my word,and however tired I was,if they called I went.I stayed with them till they were happy for me to go or until they fell asleep. Again,they stopped doing this by themselves.

I believe that if they are confident in the knowledge that you're there if they need you,it'll finally sort itself out.So I think you do right by letting her in your bed in the circumstances.

Good luck.

marriedinwhite Thu 11-Oct-12 21:46:03

She's grieving, you're grieving, she's scared and insecure. What's wrong with letting her in for a while until she feels brave and strong again? My DD's 14. When DH is away she always jumps in for a cuddle and a giggle and nowadays wanders back to her own bed when I'm snoring, fidgeting or nicking the covers with a humph and a "fgs, I need some peace and quiet".

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 11-Oct-12 22:09:10

why dont you try 2 nights from tonight of her in with you,then a few nights of you in with her when shes in her bed wait till shes zonko then go back to your bed.

if shes very sensory as you get out of her bed put a fairly heavey blanket over the top of her duvet so it kinda weighs her down a tad. acording to one of mine it feels like a cuddle.

in all fairness i wouldnt normally take advice from ds4 because he likes to come out with gems like 'if you insist on getting married only marry the fruit bowl because there lovely they are" and hes very political but he swears this will work

aufaniae Thu 11-Oct-12 22:13:23

Aw, let her come sleep with you. Tell her it's not forever, but what's the harm for now?

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