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Resenting friend's anecdotes about other friends

(15 Posts)
helio Thu 11-Oct-12 17:56:42

One of my oldest friend's main topic of conversation these days is her many other mates, most of whom I don't know. No matter where I have been, what I've done etc she interrupts with "oh X has been there/done that, and what they thought of it was ..." etc for several minutes. Happens more and more. She even sent me a birthday card inc a paragraph about how she was staying with friends who have a house in blah and they are going to etc. etc. I wondered if I had made her feel small or something and this was her revenge, so deliberately talked about myself less, neglecting to mention a recent Marvellous Sucess. She found out about this via the Internet and mentioned it, not at all put out, but as I tried to respond injected "yeah Tony's done that, and when he did it ..." for 15 mins. ZZZzzz. Shall I hit her? Normally I abhor violence but :-)

WereTricksPotter Thu 11-Oct-12 18:12:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoleSource Thu 11-Oct-12 18:12:50

Err sorry, but you both sou.d as if you are being petty. Undercurrents of resentment. Made her feel small about what? You neglected to tell about somethibg so she might find out via social media for reve.fe. No wonder she doesn't listen to you.

Life is too short.

QueenofLouisiana Thu 11-Oct-12 18:14:33

Love the Inbetweeners idea- definitely go with that!

helio Thu 11-Oct-12 18:23:53

Not social media, had a book published, in which she had not been interested, so didn't mention it incase she thought I was boasting. She somehow found it on amazon. Apparently her other friend has written a far better book than mine (completely different area). Not sure what we are competing about, but yes life is too short.

IKilledIgglePiggle Thu 11-Oct-12 18:25:53

WereTricksPotter smile

Football friend.

Nubbler Sat 13-Oct-12 22:12:23

She puts you down via her friends. Do these people even exist? Then again it's possible she bigs you up to her other friends instead of engaging with them - once overheard a similarish friend boasting about me, wildly exaggerated. None of us takes her seriously. Sad really.

frisson Sat 13-Oct-12 22:20:23

Some people are just stupid like that for a reason best known to themselves. Perhaps feeling "in the know" - in some kind of vicarious, self-congratulatory way - is more important to her than actually giving a shit about what's going on in your life. Get a new friend who's less of a knobber.

IKnowItsMyFaultBut Sat 13-Oct-12 22:24:31

I have a mate like this. I just smile and nodd as I gradually lose what little interest I had, in a twenty minute ancedote about what her bestfriends-brothers-SIL said about wedding favours last Thursday.


Said mate can be really funny when you get her onto other subjects (eventually!)

TheBirdsTheBirds Sat 13-Oct-12 22:25:10

Maybe she can't think of much to say about herself, or doesn't want to talk about it, so talks about people she knows instead. Maybe you make her feel boring by comparison and she's over compensating. Have you tried showing lots of genuine interest in her?

ClippedPhoenix Sat 13-Oct-12 22:27:18

Well she's obviously a bit jealous then OP. Does she have other good qualities enough to still want to be friends with her?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sat 13-Oct-12 22:29:08

Congrats on your book!

No helpful advice, just wanted to say that.

Ohsiena Sat 13-Oct-12 22:30:28

Did she say her other friends book is better?? Really?

Maybe she's making conversation, chipping in with relevant anecdotes and youre miffed cos you still want to talk about you more.

helio Sun 14-Oct-12 14:45:32

Thanks all, some things for me to think about, and thanks Doctrine for your good wishes. I think perhaps IKnowItsAllMyFault and I share a mate!

She certainly used to be interesting and very funny, but these endless anecdotes about others (not all of whom she approves of) are tedious. I deliberately interrupt these stories with questions about her own life and times, but her answers always refer back to others. Incidentally I've met some of her other friends and they are often ... not quite as she described (eg the coterie of 'Jewish anarchists' turned out to be CoE Tories. Ooer). Like nubbler I have heard her describe me positively but far from accurately. No she didn't say her friend's book was better exactly, but 'very academic' unlike mine which is 'popular' (I live in hope) delivered in a superior tone. I dare say her friend's is better but I congratulate friends on their successes not point out more illustrious friends' achievements. It's not simply that my nose is out of joint, I would like to know more about what she thinks in general. My DH was fed up when she came over for lunch out somewhere and we invited her to a new poncey cafe nearby which has nice grub, and she immediately yelled that she'd already been there with X from down the road, and what X thought of it was etc. etc. We went there in the end, and it was obvious she had never set foot in the place before.

As I type I realise that this sounds petty, but also that a friendship of nearly 30 years has shifted onto a tedious plane. Perhaps it's time for me to disengage, sadly. Thanks for listening to all this.

Nubbler Sun 14-Oct-12 18:34:32

Sorry but she sounds a waste of space and your energy. Walk away.

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