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to think that 40 years old is NOT too old to become a Mother, whether it is tbe first time or not?

(287 Posts)
SoleSource Thu 11-Oct-12 16:47:19

I am 39 soon and would like to have another baby.

SoleSource Tue 16-Oct-12 16:03:27

Fab thread people smile

MrsDeVere Tue 16-Oct-12 15:22:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBovary Tue 16-Oct-12 15:15:51

No, of course not.

theDudesmummy Tue 16-Oct-12 15:14:32

At 40 I thought 50 was old. Now planning my 50th party next year and telling myself that 50 is the new 30 ...your perspective does change!

eurowitch Tue 16-Oct-12 08:49:11

I can read MsOnatopp.... hmm

I recommend that you print off your post and put it in an envelope to be opened on your 40th birthday. If you don't cringe I will eat my hat.

At 22 I thought 40 seemed old too. But looking at it from a much shorter distance (am currently 36) it doesn't seem that way at all. A lot of people don't look after themselves, so are not in good shape at 40. But many do. I am at least as fit now as I was at 22. I eat better, drink less and get more sleep. And I know an awful lot more about the world and myself, which I think will make me a better parent than I would have been at that age.

IKilledIgglePiggle Mon 15-Oct-12 14:39:38

I don't think 40 is too old at all.

But saying that I don't think it would be the right thing for me, but we all walk different paths.

I had DS1 when I was 21, I gave up uni and then had DS2 at 23. I loved having them so young, I threw myself right into it, I was married ( and still am) to a man 5 years older and already established in his career, we owned our own home and I had tons and tons of energy in as much as the sleepless nights didn't floor me and I could function the next day with a baby and forward 10 years and I had DC3....... the nights were harder and energy levels are much lower, but it's still fun, I love it.

I dont buy the older mothers have more patience thing either, I have always had patience with mine, I may be more frazzled now I'm a bit older because I have three DCs if anything.

Another thing to take into consideration is declining fertility, I have many friends trying to conceive and finding it harder from their mid 30s and up, my heart breaks for them and if it was up to me I would give free IVF, as many times as it takes.

MsOnatopp Mon 15-Oct-12 14:23:57

euro... I said run around like the mad loon that I do, not just run around hmm. Please read carefully. I am by far the youngest mother around my DS's year. By at least 6 years. (and so I should be, I was/am far too young!) Of course they run around with their kids too, but I can run around like a teen - I have only just left my teens! I barely have to bend over to pick up DS and LITERALLY fling him over my shoulders, catch him and spin him round my back before placing him back on the floor, and he is the size of a five to six year old. Non of the others mothers can do that. I assume it is because I am younger. I have had other mothers say to me that they can no longer do quite as much (though still plenty) as I can still do.

I have watched the 40 year olds run with their kids, I have been part of the parent races and fact is I am faster, fitter and stronger than almost all the other mothers because I am younger (much younger in some cases, and of course you will get some exceptions though I haven't come across any yet). I am not saying it is an issue. I like that I can do all this with DS but how high I can fling him is not something I think dictates how old I should have a child. I just like that I can.

The real question is.. will DS have knackered me by the time I am 40 and free hmm grin

eurowitch Mon 15-Oct-12 14:10:56

I am giggling to myself at the 22 yr old who thinks a 40 year old would not be able to run around with kids.

<Takes decrepit self off for a hardcore hill run>

MsOnatopp Mon 15-Oct-12 14:05:39

To put my post in context - I will be 36 when DS is 18 and so expect that he will have semi left home permanently by the time I am 40. (hopefully)

I think it's too old for some aspects like running around with them. I'm 22 and can run around with my DS like a mad loon that not even the 30 year old mums can do.

Having said that. I can see how young I am as a mum compared to the older mothers who seem to.. I don't know... get something else out of being a mother that I can't explain. Maybe it's the matured devotion? More time being able to be selfish (in the normal, natural way, not a bad trait way) and live life how you want and now are in a better place to give emotionally?

Physically I would not want to at all. I would want to conceive naturally if possible and not leave it to chance. I would want to be able to fling DS round my back with ease which the older mums just can't do. I want to be free to live life how I want in my 40s and wouldn't want to be tied to babysitters etc when I am in my 50s. I want to be a grandmother while I am still nice and young (though not too young, if DS is as young as me when I had a kid <slapping motion>). I also wouldn't want to build up a good career and then take time out to have a baby.

Emotionally though I can see the benefit of being much older. ATM I am very aware that I am still exploring who I am/ what I want and am not particularly settled in that way whilst trying to show a child the way in the world.

I also am trying to study while with a young child. The age I am, I think, makes this easier but it would have been easier to be sorted on that front before having kids.

I don't know. I personally wouldn't want to be anywhere near 40, but I also am aware that I was WAY too young.

Lambzig Mon 15-Oct-12 13:49:10

Wow soorploom, fitting in four is amazing in that time. This thread is such a relief as I am sitting here 36 weeks pg with my second at 45.

I think its so interesting the those who had their families early think its not for them at 40, but those who had them later feel its fine. I would have liked them earlier, but it took 10 years for us to get pg with DD and lots of help, so I didnt have much choice really.

soorploom Mon 15-Oct-12 12:31:23

YANBU. i am 48yo and have had 4 dcs. oldest is 8. i feel v v v v v v lucky as i didn't even start thinking about kids until i was 40 and it happened quickly. i do not feel old but do appreciate when youngest starts school i will be 50.
just be aware of potential problems and enjoy
and all that running around keeps you fit!

theDudesmummy Mon 15-Oct-12 11:40:47

I was lucky to be able to get pregnant on a number of occasions well into my forties (not so lucky in hanging on to the baby but got there in the end!). I would certainly not advise other women to wait quite as long as I had to!

I didn't really think about babies until I was forty and always assumed I just would not have any (was in a relationship and lifestyle in which it would have been really unwise to have a baby, emotionally abusive etc). Then when I met my second husband he said to me after a couple of months let's have a baby, which took me by surprise. After the first m/c I just got more and more sure I really did want a baby (and I was right)!

LettyAshton Mon 15-Oct-12 11:31:33

It is a bit silly when posters say "personal choice". It is your body's choice (unless you are going to go down the route of IVF).

Some people are super-fertile late into their 40s. But you only need to visit an IVF clinic and see the masses of women 35+ sitting there to realise that this is far from being the case for everyone.

My mother was 44 when she had me so I felt time was on my side. However investigations showed that I had nearly run out of eggs at age 37.

Having a baby in your 40s is great... but you can't assume it will just happen because you feel 21.

theDudesmummy Mon 15-Oct-12 10:55:49

I only met the right man to have a child with when I was 40. Got cracking and fell pregnant almost immediately, but had three m/cs before having DS. I would not necessarily have chosen to have my baby aged nearly 46 but that's how it worked out.

Schrodingershamster Sat 13-Oct-12 17:15:39

God no ofcourse not. If anything i would rather wait. My mum had me at 42 and i was her first. If anyone said that to me I would just laugh. She was a lot more "modern" than some of my friends younger mums.

Im 24 and have no plans to have children for at least 10 years. At a minimum.

shebird Sat 13-Oct-12 16:57:47

My mum had my sister when she was 43 not planned but much loved. Its never been a huge issue but I know my mum has found it very tiring, especially in recent years dealing with a teenager when she should be heading for retirement. It has also had financial implications for my parents meaning that they have had to delay retirement to pay for her further education.39 is certainly not too old but I do think serious thought should be given to what your and your child future life will be like if having a baby at 40+

12ylnon Sat 13-Oct-12 16:19:21

I think everyone should be able to do what they like really!
Although personally, there is no way i would have a child over the age of 35, but thats just me.
My parents were in their forties when they had me. I was their 'little surprise' 10 years after they had my brother. Unfortunately my mother died from cancer when i was 14 and my dad, who's now nearing his 70s has had many heart attacks, despite being very fit and healthy. He is an excellent dad, but him and my step mum are nothing like my partners and friends younger parents. They're off on holiday all the time enjoying their retirement, which i now fully respect, but it was difficult during my late teens not having my dad around all the time.
I'm also coming to terms with the fact that i will probably have to care for either my dad or my step mum within the next 10-15 years.
I don't think it's an ideal situation, but i wouldn't judge anyone who made the same decision.

x2boys Sat 13-Oct-12 12:25:32

itannoys me that the general consensus [nationally] is that women who have children later in life put off having them due to career ,s etc when sometimes its just due to not meeting the right man untill later imet my dh at 31 we married six months later and pregnant six months after that so my oldest son was borm at 33 my youngest took a year to conceive so he was born when i was 36 ideally i would have been ready for children mid to late twenties but life did nt turn out that way i,m 39 next month and probably wont have anymore but thats due to lack of space money tight etc and i,m happy enough with my two incidentally my sil is 5 months pregnant with her third she is two months older than me has a sixteen yr old and seven yr old so no way do i think forty is too old .

echt Sat 13-Oct-12 07:33:42

Had DD at 40 (she's 17 now).

Teasing about age has never been an issue. On the other hand I've looked younger than my years for ages, so I don't know how I would react if I WAS taken for DD's grandma. DH, my age, has been taken for DD's granddad and he ticks the offender off on the spot.grin

<tries to ignore recent emergence of Deirdre Raschid neck>

Never sure about the energy bit. How could anyone know their energy was attributable to their age? I've never been a playful person, so didn't engage in that way with DD. DH did that.

Everlong Sat 13-Oct-12 07:30:11

My mum had me at 44 actually but died when I was 4 and I always feel like I missed out on having her. I've got much older siblings who remember her but I have no memories.

I wasn't planned and obviously glad my mum had me but I think I've missed out on so much.

Everlong Sat 13-Oct-12 07:26:23

Haven't read the thread, only the OP.

I had my youngest ds at nearly 38. 40 was my cut off. I am knackered actually.

He's 6 and I'm nearly 45 -- shit-- and I feel worn out with it.

He's lovely though smile


bragmatic Sat 13-Oct-12 07:21:15

It's too old for me. Anyone else can knock themselves out.

ibizagirl Sat 13-Oct-12 06:44:52

I worked with two women who said that they could not have children. Both got pregnant at 46 and had healthy girls who are no 18. My great aunty had her daughter when she was 48. She thought it was the menopause but was actually pregnant. She is now 92 and looks about 75 so it didn't do her any harm!! I had my daughter at 28 and was told i was an older mum. Thanks for that. Friend had her daughter 3 weeks ago and she said that she was called an older mum - she is 30.

purplepenguin86 Sat 13-Oct-12 01:40:48

Oh, and nobody has ever thought she is my grandmother!

purplepenguin86 Sat 13-Oct-12 01:35:06

YANBU. My mum had me at 41 (she had 3 children in marriage number 1, then a 12 year gap, then had me in marriage number 2) and it has never caused any problems whatsoever. My mum is amazing - she is now 67, but still works full time, runs around like a bloody lunatic, until recently played netball and still umpires, looks 15 years younger, giggles like a child, has far more energy than I do at 26, and is generally brilliant! To be honest she has always looked so good for her age that she didn't really look older than other parents anyway, and she certainly doesn't act older! We borrow each others clothes (she's still a size 8), laugh a ridiculous amount, and are very close. I've never, ever been teased about having an older mum. If she seemed old now maybe I would feel differently, but I find it impossible to connect her age and her appearance/attitude - it's like the dates got mixed up! And nobody ever guesses she is anywhere near her age - if she tells people she has children in her 40s they think she had them as a teenager. She's great!

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