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to think that 40 years old is NOT too old to become a Mother, whether it is tbe first time or not?

(287 Posts)
SoleSource Thu 11-Oct-12 16:47:19

I am 39 soon and would like to have another baby.

wordfactory Thu 11-Oct-12 17:43:36

sole I'm sooooo not secretly broody grin.

I have twins so have experienced each 'stage' in extremis. I feel very much that, for me, it's not somehting I need or want to experience again.

But I freely accept that I have the attention span of a peanut and crave constant new things. I also accept that if I hadn't been lucky enough to have my twins exactlty when I wanted them, I would want a child now, despite my age.

It is an experience I would never have waned to miss...just not one I want to replicate at this age.

UltraBOF Thu 11-Oct-12 17:44:05

Really? I'm basing it more on my experience of being a KNACKERED old crone at 39.

honeytea Thu 11-Oct-12 17:44:08

I think having a baby when your older would be great, my sister is 18 years younger than me and I think it's great to have big age gaps.

My plan was to have 2 babies in my mid 20's and 2 babies in my late 30's early 40's, it took me 2 years to get pregnant this time so I'm not holding out hope that my plan workssad

Asmywhimsytakesme Thu 11-Oct-12 17:44:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch Thu 11-Oct-12 17:45:32

It is immensely personal isn't it.

I never would have planned a baby at 40. But we had our first two - always wanted three - and then life got complicated/chaotic and we put plans on hold. Then life got better again and it just never felt too late for us. It felt totally right and still does.
We were incredibly lucky. I am really grateful

RobynRidingHood Thu 11-Oct-12 17:45:44

No 3 at 35. That was 5 years too old. I'll still be doing parents evening when I'm 53. Absolutely ancient

SoleSource Thu 11-Oct-12 17:45:51

Lol don't blame you word. Twins? <faint>

thebody Thu 11-Oct-12 17:46:28

Bollocks!!! I had ds1 at 22 and dd 2 at 36.. So fukin what if meomen have babies at 20 or 46!! It's your body and your baby.

No one asks the blokes like Des O Conner if they too old or David janson.

Go for it.

SheppySheepdog Thu 11-Oct-12 17:47:13

I wouldn't want to do it but don't think it's too old, no. Completely up to the individual which way around you do it!

bluewonderful Thu 11-Oct-12 17:47:24

YANBU and nor am I. Yesterday was my 40th birthday and DC2 is due on Monday. I do remember being quite shock at doc when I went to see her pregnant for first time at 34 and getting a lecture on being a high risk old (not "older") mother and that I should not have left it so long! Putting aside the biology I suggested I felt in a better position to be having a baby than a teenager with an unwanted pregnancy and no income, house or DH support to which she had no response. I just was not in a place with a relationship, or emotionally, or financially, or in my career etc to have babies earlier.

wordfactory Thu 11-Oct-12 17:48:19

It is entirely personal pag and as I say, I don't think I'm too old now at 43 if that was what I wanted.

It's not about age at all, just a desire to move forward on my part.

And while I accept that 55 is not old, I do think it owuld be too old to do the sorts of things DH and I have planned. Well not too old, but not optimum IYSWIM.

SoleSource Thu 11-Oct-12 17:48:26

Shit I haven't considered the possibility of twwin <faint>

thebody Thu 11-Oct-12 17:49:13

Also my older boys are 10 years older than the girls so they have 3 fantastic male role models who nurture and care for them. It's great to see them snuggling up on the sofa, the lads talk to them about school and boys etc and I know the girls listen to them far more than they would to me and dh iucwim.

UltraBOF Thu 11-Oct-12 17:49:29

There's non one right answer though, is there? Just because you can have a baby, doesn't mean you should. That applies to teenagers as much as forty year olds and everyone in between. That's why I'm curious what else is going on for the OP right now- what has prompted the urge? Is a baby necessarily the answer?

wordfactory Thu 11-Oct-12 17:49:58

sole don't forget the risk of multile births increases with age wink.

wordfactory Thu 11-Oct-12 17:51:17

I have friends who decided to squeeze in a thrid in their forties and got twins grin...

apprenticeboy Thu 11-Oct-12 17:51:44

Do what you want - just glad it won't be me!!

SoleSource Thu 11-Oct-12 17:52:01

<comes too, reads words post



cece Thu 11-Oct-12 17:53:53

I had my last one at the age of 42. Not too old at 40. My GP told me 15% of her pg ladies were over 40 at any one time.

wordfactory Thu 11-Oct-12 17:54:29

Don't worry, it's still unusual under forty (providing there's no fertility treatment of course).

And twins are wonderful. The baby stage is hard but after that it's just grand....though I rather dread double GCSEs and A levels.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Thu 11-Oct-12 17:54:32

Of course 40 isn't not too old.

Some people (generally the ones who say it is too old)are old before their time; they tend to have very conventional ideas as to when things should happen and a rather strict timetable.

A few years ago I was desperately broody, but now ds has started at secondary and is so much more independent (he needs me as much as ever, but in different ways) I must admit that the broodiness has waned somewhat. If I were to have another baby though I think I'd find it easier than I did with ds in my mid/late 20s.

I'm less selfish, more patient, better able to let small things go and to focus on what is important.

TheCatInTheHairnet Thu 11-Oct-12 17:55:03

Agree that it's entirely personal. My sister had her children in her 40's, my children will all leave home when I'm in my 40's. I don't think it has had any bearing on our abilities as parents whatsoever.

VodkaJelly Thu 11-Oct-12 17:58:34

When i found out i was pregnant i went to see my doctor and told him i worried as I was 39 and maybe too old to have another baby. He told me that his mum was 42 when he was born and to stop being so silly grin

wordfactory Thu 11-Oct-12 17:58:35

A friend of mine who had a baby last year at 40 spends far more time with her age peer group than younger Mums with babies.

We treat him like an emperor and tell her how wonderfully forward he is grin. No Monkee Music class for her!!!

rathlin Thu 11-Oct-12 17:59:04

Go for it. It took my friend's mum 20 yrs to have her (aged 42). I assume that there must have been some problems that were't easily remedied and this was the 60s/70s.

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