Advanced search

To not want this friend to keep making out my behaviour is as bad as her.

(61 Posts)
Raspberryella Thu 11-Oct-12 14:22:37

I have a friend who I've known for years. Our DCs are friends too. She is lovely and thoughtful in some ways, but in other ways she is quite catty at times and also can be very blunt with people. She also drinks a lot of alcohol.

Quite often when we're chatting she will start making catty comments about mutual friends or other people we both know, such as other parents from the school. 9 times out of 10 I will say to her that it isn't very nice, and other times I will just say nothing and change the subject. If I tell her it isn't very nice she'll say "I know, we're horrible aren't we?" or she'll say catty comments and then say "Ooooh aren't we mean?". I hate bitching ( have had it done about me in the past by a friend and it was horrible), and try not to get involved in that kind of thing. It really annoys me how she tries to justify her behaviour by making out I am the same as her.

Other times, if she's talking about herself/her bad points, she'll again try to lump me in with it and she'll say things like "We're both so rude/upfront/judgemental aren't we?". I usually say that no, I don't consider myself to be any of those things. And again it annoys me how she is justifying her behaviour by telling myself that I am the same.

The third thing is, she drinks a lot of alcohol, and always gets annoyed with me if I won't drink alcohol if I go round to hers. She will try and get me to have a glass of wine and I don't drink in the day, in fact I rarely drink, but she'll go on and on at me and won't take no for an answer and sometimes pour me one anyway. Then she'll say "Aren't we terrible drinking alcohol in the day?"

I feel like I am going to have to keep a distance from this friendship as it seems that she has thicker skin than a rhino. And I really don't want her making out to mutual friends that I've said any of the things that she herself has said about them.

Raspberryella Thu 11-Oct-12 14:23:57

The other thing, which I meant to say too, is that she is overweight and I am not, but she is continually saying that "We need to go on a diet together" and "We must shift our excess weight"

nilbyname Thu 11-Oct-12 14:24:46

Think you have answered your own question there....keep your distance and let it fizzle out?

BupcakesAndHaunting Thu 11-Oct-12 14:29:00

You don't bitch or drink? You sound a bit beige to me. She clearly needs more stimulating friends.

wilkos Thu 11-Oct-12 14:33:28

you really dont need mumsnet to tell you that this friendship has run its course grin

just politely drop her

Raspberryella Thu 11-Oct-12 14:34:00

No, I don't bitch. I think it's not a nice trait in a person. If that makes me beige then so be it

missymoomoomee Thu 11-Oct-12 14:35:22

Haha Bupcakes is that what you look for in a friend

Drink {check}

Bitch {check}

Fancy a night out grin

BupcakesAndHaunting Thu 11-Oct-12 14:35:38

Oops the wink I meant to put in at the end of my post got dropped off. blush

Internet fail. sad

BupcakesAndHaunting Thu 11-Oct-12 14:36:43

It is actually, missy grin

I do only bitch about people deserving of it (Bono, Peter Andre, Claire Sweeney, my boss) and I know when to stop drinking (when I hit the deck)

ClippedPhoenix Thu 11-Oct-12 14:37:07

I'm with Bupcakes on this one grin

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Thu 11-Oct-12 14:37:47

I too wouldn't want to be friends with someone that bitched about others all the time. My main reason would be that inevitably they would bitch about me at some point.

Not quite sure how someone not drinking and not bitching can make someone beige?!! I'd far rather be friends with someone who doesn't drink and doesn't bitch than someone who slags off others all the time and thinks that the answer to everything lies at the bottom of a wine bottle!

Anniegetyourgun Thu 11-Oct-12 14:39:26

Sounds like this woman would be happier going out with her own clone. She doesn't seem to even notice you're a separate human being.

Run away, run away.

BupcakesAndHaunting Thu 11-Oct-12 14:40:04

Oh that's not true MrsMangel (ace name btw) I have a friend and we talk about all the other mums at the school but I know we would never slag each other off. <pious>

missymoomoomee Thu 11-Oct-12 14:42:45

I agree, no answers lie at the bottom of a wine bottle, they all hide in the bottom of vodka bottles grin

<slyly adds Cat Deeley to Bupcakes list of people to slag off>

Op to answer your question, it doesn't sound like you really enjoy her company anymore, you should maybe start fizzling the friendship out rather than actually falling out.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Thu 11-Oct-12 14:44:08

Thanks Bupcakes, I'm showing my age with my username. ;-)

I know at times we're all guilty of saying things about others, but if all someone did was bitch about others it would make me a bit suspicious and think that surely at some point they would do the same to me.

Monty27 Thu 11-Oct-12 14:44:48

Has she deluded herself into thinking you have more in common than you actually do?

she sounds fun, can I have her number grin

BupcakesAndHaunting Thu 11-Oct-12 14:45:18

I hate "the answer lies in the bottom of a wine bottle" school of thinking. Some of us just appreciate a good Pinot Grigio.

The friend is also overweight so I am guessing she would enjoy a trip to Druckers.

She likes cake, wine and a gossip. I like her! OP, ask her to PM me, babe.xx

cheekydevil Thu 11-Oct-12 14:47:59

I've just colouredy hair and I think it looksa bit beige so I am going out tonight to Bitch and drink and see what colour it changes to grin

cheekydevil Thu 11-Oct-12 14:48:40

Coloured my

newmum001 Thu 11-Oct-12 14:51:28

I personally think she sounds ace but if you're finding her behaviour more and more difficult then stop seeing her. I think most people enjoy a good bitch and a drink every now and then it doesn't make you a bad person but if you're not like that and can't get over the differences in personalities then theres no point carrying on spending time with her really.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Thu 11-Oct-12 14:53:52

Can't believe so many of you think it's ok to be friends with people that bitch all the time. I think bitching is a big no-no for proper, true friendships. In my experience people that do nothing but bitch slowly turn everyone against them and end up isolated and lonely. Just saying...

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Thu 11-Oct-12 14:55:40

Newmum, you think the OP's friend sounds ace? Because she makes catty comments all the time? Seriously?

ilovetermtime Thu 11-Oct-12 14:59:07

It sounds like she thinks that you are better friends than you are, and that she has a very thick skin. Like others have said, if you don't like it and can't put up with it for the sake of the good points in your friendship then back away.

Have you ever said to her, directly, that you don't like her bitching about mutual friends? Maybe when you say to her that it's not very nice, she doesn't fully comprehend how strongly you feel?

marbleslost Thu 11-Oct-12 14:59:14

I don't mind bitching if it's justified - i.e. some old cow did something nasty and you're just venting. But don't like it if it's just - have you seen the state of her hair type of thing.

You seem to expect a lot of your friend. If she's really not your type, just keep your distance a bit.

I think it'd be quite easy to say in a jokey sort of way - no it's you who's bitching, not me. Or no, I've told you I'm not drinking, why are you pouring it out - you'll have to have both now.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson Thu 11-Oct-12 15:01:33

marbleslost, how is the OP expecting a lot of her friend? Because she expects her not to be a bitch about others? Nothing wrong in having high expectations in a friendship IMO.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now