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To stonewall someone even though I think it is wrong and feel iffy about it.

(22 Posts)
AngelaMerkel Thu 11-Oct-12 13:19:57

Trying not to drip feed.
I know someone (I've met this person once through work) in their twenties that was lied to through most of their childhood about something important.

I am now a SAHM and through an old work colleague they have asked me about the issue. Well not the issue specifically, but about a specific piece of information that demonstrates the core lie (and all the other lies that have presumably been built on it). They have included "Please don't reply saying 'Ask [PersonWhoHasBeenFibbing]' ". The only reason they could ask me about this is because they have worked out/been told some of the things that don't add-up.

At the moment I'm planning to send a "Not Getting Involved" because telling the truth will have a big impact. But I hate perpetuating a lie that is spiteful and pretty evil.

Have to go out now and won't be back until this evening.

GoSakuramachi Thu 11-Oct-12 13:20:42

Is it a question of parentage?

Tell them.

sparkle12mar08 Thu 11-Oct-12 13:23:59

Don't get involved. You've met this person once?! It's not your problem, it really isn't, unless you know a lot more than you're telling us here. Your OP isn't all that clear tbh.

Fakebook Thu 11-Oct-12 13:24:39

How do you know so much about a person you've only met once? I'd stay out of it. It sounds like a family matter. You dont know if someone is protecting them from an abusive parent or something.

AngelaMerkel Thu 11-Oct-12 13:24:48

It relates to their parents separation

PeggyCarter Thu 11-Oct-12 13:25:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sneezecakesmum Thu 11-Oct-12 13:27:12

Unless you have FACTUAL confirmation about the issue which is relevant, then I would state you are not going to confirm or deny hearsay or rumour.

Having said that the current jimmy saville scandal is about rumour being ignored! Bit ironic really!

JustFabulous Thu 11-Oct-12 13:27:25

What are you asking as no one can give sensible advice with just minimal information. You say you are not drip feeding but nothing in your OP pointed to the information in your second post.

PeggyCarter Thu 11-Oct-12 13:27:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ObiWan Thu 11-Oct-12 13:27:58

If you know what you do in a professional capacity, would you be on shaky ground legally by revealing anything to them?

If not, go with your gut feeling. <helpful>

Kalisi Thu 11-Oct-12 13:38:54

I was in a similar situation recently (not nearly as serious though) I would say it depends on your relationship with both the person in question and the liar as well. It my scenario I texted the [liar] and said [lyee](?) is asking me to answer this question [insert question here] I'm not going to lie to them and will not ignore as somebody else has obviously decided against my wishes to get me involved. A few hours later, I received a text to tell me the liar had confessed. I'm not sure if this is relevant just wanted to share as it made me feel ever so grown up grin

AndFanjoWasHisNameO Thu 11-Oct-12 13:53:31

sad oh dear. Unless you were directly involved/colluded with anyone in the separation of her parents, I would stay well away. Tell her that you don't know facts rather just what you've heard and you're reluctant to shit stir. What have her parents ' relationship got to do with her anyway? I'd flip on the person that involved you in it too.

Scaredbutdoingit Thu 11-Oct-12 14:12:39

If the person were asking me directly for truth, I would give it to them.

It is a horrible feeling when you realise a ring of people around you are lying to you, that no one is willing to break the silence and keeps fobbing you off to someone else (who you know is lying).

Giving them the truth will almost certainly mean some kind of fallout, which you would need to accept as a consequence. That takes courage.

Its not easy, and only you can make the decision.

numbum Thu 11-Oct-12 14:17:50

It depends what it is I think. Say, for example, you're a relative that she doesn't know about but now she's wondering, I think you should tell her. But even that depends on the impact it could have on other things.

It's too hard to answer without knowing the facts TBH

marbleslost Thu 11-Oct-12 14:21:17

I like Kaliso's approach. Inform the liar that you're being asked and explain that you're not going to lie about it, thus giving them every opportunity to come clean and leave you out of it.

TiAAAAARGHo Thu 11-Oct-12 16:31:08

I'm with scared - if someone asks me outright for a piece of factual information which I know, I will tell them the truth. What they then do with it is up to them. What I will not do is repeat rumours.

Brycie Thu 11-Oct-12 16:32:34

I go with telling. Good luck. Imagine being them - you might be their last hope.

Brycie Thu 11-Oct-12 16:32:52

You will empower someone utterly powerless at the moment.

YouMayLogOut Thu 11-Oct-12 17:29:07

Tell them.

If I were in that situation I'd certainly want to know the truth and would massively appreciate someone who was considerate enough to tell me.

AngelaMerkel Thu 11-Oct-12 19:29:13

Apologies for getting back so late. I know so much because I worked with both his parents at separate times. The question was to confirm whether one parent met a future step-parent on a specific day. Answer is yes - it was at a party at my house. This is incompatible with a narrative they've been told: also by a parent.
I have no way to contact either parent except through the dreaded facebook- which I'm not doing.

I'm still thinking about it.

EnjoyVampirebloodResponsibly Thu 11-Oct-12 19:37:44

It sounds as though this party may have been several years ago.

TBH I'd be taking the "can't remember for the life of me" route.

You can tip the parents off by sending a message via FB, no one else would be able to read that.

HeathRobinson Thu 11-Oct-12 19:46:01

You could say that they were both at a party at your house (true), but that you don't know if they were actually introduced.

Why should you lie?

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