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AIBU?

to want to surprise my partner ?!

15 replies

Bridget30 · 10/10/2012 13:19

I have a big big surprise for my partner and I am really really excited about it. The thing I have planned was confirmed this morning in the post and I wanted to tell him in a special way. I text him to say we should go out tonight for dinner and he knew there was a 'reason' as it's very unusual for me to say this - esp on a weekday. He called demanding to know what the surprise was and listing all the things it could be, then started getting really moody when I wouldnt tell him. He argued that he hated surprises, said he was too tired for dinner etc. I don't know what he is so scared of - it's not like I am going to tell him I am pregnant as I already am. He reacted so badly I really am quite upset - especially as this surprise is really really heart felt and special. AIBU? If a man called me and said he had a surprise and we were going for dinner I would be ecstatic. He usually is a lovely, kind, generous, doting partner so I don't understand this reaction. I have cancelled dinner.

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TantrumsAndBalloons · 10/10/2012 13:22

Well, I suppose he doesn't know it was a heart felt, special thing you wanted to tell him?

Bridget30 · 10/10/2012 13:32

no but he reacted so moodily about it. he knows i wouldnt surprise him with anything 'bad'. i wanted to avoid the topic of the surprise all together as i didnt want him to guess what it was. so i just asked if we could go for dinner. it was such a strange reaction. but yes, i take your point that he didn't know. it's really special and i wanted the moment i tell him to be really special and now i just feel its all been ruined.

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Hemlet · 10/10/2012 13:39

Oh what a shame :( can you say what the surprise was? I'd be upset if my husband reacted like that in a similar situation. YANBU.

Goldenjubilee10 · 10/10/2012 13:52

I hate surprises. I like to know exactly what is going to happen well in advance. My dh knows this and would spring anything on me.

My friend, a real party animal, organised a surprise birthday party for her dh inviting everyone they knew. Friends were supposed to bring him home once all the guests had arrived. When they neared the house he realised something was up and refused to go in. She said he embarrassed her and ruined the party. He didn't speak to her for a week!

How well do you know your dp. Have you really done this for him or for you?

Bridget30 · 10/10/2012 14:02

It's for him. We got pregnant 5 months ago and he has expressed his wish again and again and again for me to change my surname to his in time for the arrival so that we all have the same surname and are a little family. I have always been quite hesitant and then last week did it - The papers came today. I wanted to surprise him with them because I know how much it means to him and how special the moment will be - which I now feel is just ruined. I have known him for 8 years.

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TantrumsAndBalloons · 10/10/2012 14:06

But he doesn't know that's what it is.

I like surprises, but I don't like them in a public place IYSWIM.

If DH said oh I've got a surprise waiting for you when you get home if be happy.
If he said we are going out after work because I have some surprise news for you I would not be looking forward to it.

Paiviaso · 10/10/2012 14:07

Some people really don't like surprises, if you didn't know (after 8 years!) your partner was one of these people, you do now.

Paiviaso · 10/10/2012 14:12

And just honestly curious - why would you have a child with a man, take his name, etc but not get married?

Bridget30 · 10/10/2012 14:25

because I am not divorced and a divorce takes longer than we have before baby appears/ costs a large amount. He very much wants to get married - and my marriage put me off getting married ever again. The baby was unexpected. He has never struck me as someone who hates surprises - he wanted the sex of the baby to be a surprise for example.

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Paiviaso · 10/10/2012 14:42

Ah ok - sounds complicated.

imnotmymum · 10/10/2012 14:47

He has wanted the names all the same for what reason?

doblet · 10/10/2012 15:06

Maybe he is just tired and doesn't want to go out? Could you get a bottle if champagne and a takeaway instead? Not so much effort required on his part then

Ephiny · 10/10/2012 15:17

I don't like surprises and have no time for game-playing. If you want to tell him something, just tell him (then maybe you could have decided together to go out for dinner and celebrate?)

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/10/2012 15:20

He's going to be gutted he acted like such a prat when he finds out what it is.

I second fish and chips and champagne my favourite moving house treat.

InTheNightGarden · 10/10/2012 16:11

why not make his favorite meal for when he gets back? set the table all lovely then after dinner/ or during or whenever you fancy show him the papers :) :)

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