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AIBU?

..To Think My DP Needs to Grow a F***ing Pair

46 replies

TheLazyGirl · 10/10/2012 07:58

DP used to be quite ballsy, it's what attracted me to him in the first place.

But as he's got older, he's seems to be quite happy to let this ballsiness slide.

Now, I'm not suggesting that he should be first to shout and get angry or put the world to rights day in day out over minor issues. But there are sometimes when, frankly, I wish he'd re-grow a pair of balls and say enough is enough.

Take our Landlord. He's private, no rental tenants association, nothing. His whole family know everyone within the council, so when, after 2 years of having enough I contacted environmental health about the appalling conditions in our house, we got a snarling call and abuse from him and his wife as the Environmental Health lot knew him and had grassed us up. (To be helpful, you understand. Or that's what we were told when we complained and got precisely nowhere).

Yet again, our heating system has packed up. We've lived here for nearly 3 years now, and it dies every couple of months. We have two different boilers, both look near on as old as me. The British Gas told him they need replacing, he ignored them and got a parts person to tinker and fix it. It is absolutely freezing in our house. We rang him at 12pm yesterday, he came out, agreed it was buggered again, and off he went, saying he would get someone to fix it that evening.

By 7.30pm, no sign of gas person. So, DP rings the Landlord, who says he wont be out until after 9.30am this morning. So, basically what has happened is, Landlord has rang, doesn't want to pay emergency fee so has just booked it as a non-peak call out time job. Leaving us to freeze.

At this point, I was ready to go ape at him, but DP told me to shut up and let him handle it. By which I e#mean roll over like a fucking puppy and do as the Landlord says.

We are stuck in a hole of a house with holes in the floors, antiquated heating systems that cost us £120 a month, windows that we've had to superglue shut, and god knows how many other issues. We can't afford to move and our local council (the one his family helps run) isn't seeing us a priority as he wont give us an eviction notice as it would cost him to get us out through the courts (that's the way the housing works here, or you are intentionally homeless). We are screwed.

OP posts:

Report

whois · 10/10/2012 08:01

Move?

TheLazyGirl · 10/10/2012 08:02

As I said, can't afford to. We can barely afford what we're in now, and prices have gone mental since we moved in here. Even renting a flat here with no garden is around £1,000 plus.

OP posts:

ZiggyPlayedGuitar · 10/10/2012 08:03

Err, why not move house?

TheLazyGirl · 10/10/2012 08:05

Again, we just cannot afford to. DP is self employed, I'm trying to get a full time job and failing, we are skint. We can't even afford the fees to move to a reputable agency landlord, and there just aren't any properties we could live in with enough room under £1,000

OP posts:

ZiggyPlayedGuitar · 10/10/2012 08:05

X post, sorry.
I'd be saving all I could to move if I was you though. Your LL sounds like a nightmare. Can you not move to a cheaper area?

You're DP could 'grow a pair' yes, but then you should be just as able to stand up to your LL?

Moominsarescary · 10/10/2012 08:06

Oh yes it's so easy to just magic the money to move!

Have you looked into tenant deposit schemes, we did this once. You don't pay a deposit you just sign up to them and pay a monthly fee. Ours was £12 a month so we only had to find a months rent.

TheLazyGirl · 10/10/2012 08:07

They did used to offer that here, but they stopped it. Even then, most agents here wouldn't accept it.

OP posts:

Trills · 10/10/2012 08:08

You called yesterday, someone is coming round today? That's not "being left to freeze". It's October.

I don't know if your DP needs a pair of balls (if you have children then I would assume that his balls are in working order) but I think you need to stop being a drama queen.

KittyFane1 · 10/10/2012 08:09

Believe me, if you were a homeowner and didn't have a landlord you would have to wait far longer for someone to come out to fix it. Getting plumbers, electricians to come is a pain.
Your DP sounds reasonable and you sound las if you need to be a bit more patient.

KittyFane1 · 10/10/2012 08:09

Xpost Trills

Trills · 10/10/2012 08:10

You are in a bad situation, but that's no need to take it out on your DP or on his balls. It's not his fault that you have ended up renting from rubbish landlords.

Are you feeling resentful because if he was an employee (rather than being self-employed) you would be able to afford to move?

Petsinmyputridpudenda · 10/10/2012 08:13

Being ballsey clearly isn't working so why not let dh try his way.

mustbetimetochange · 10/10/2012 08:14

You a)need to move and b) be more reasonable

chipsandmushypeas · 10/10/2012 08:23

As i tell my dp when he says its 'freezing': put a jumper on.

BitOutOfPractice · 10/10/2012 08:28

Do you know how long you have to wait for a decent gas installer op?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 10/10/2012 08:30

What exactly are you expecting your dp to do? He could grow three extra balls, he still won't be able to force the LL to come round any quicker.

I don't think making you wait for less than 24 hours is at all unreasonable.

dreamingbohemian · 10/10/2012 08:36

I'm sorry, sounds miserable. It's your LL you should be mad at though, not your DH, by the sound of it.

Have you gotten any advice from anyone on your options for dealing with the LL? Not the council obviously but Shelter or CAB for example. Can you move to a different area, if your DH is self-employed? Basically maybe you can try to channel all your anger into making a long-term plan, at least that way you won't feel so helpless and frustrated.

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 10/10/2012 08:41

To be fair, I think a lot of people are missing the point that the heating doesn't need fixing, it needs replacing. No one should be left without heating "every couple of months". No one should receive snarling abuse for reporting problems to the appropriate bodies.

CuriosityKilledTheCrap · 10/10/2012 08:45

Really sorry for such a shitty situation. I have spoken to Shelter about a housing issue before. They were really helpful. They helped me to know what my rights were/what was reasonable/what was the law etc.

I'd be utterly fed up if I were you too.

Naysa · 10/10/2012 08:45

You're being pretty cruel saying these things about your DH. Obviously he's not as much as a drama queen as you are and can stand one night of not having heating - like most adults can.
How about you grow a pair and stop bitching about you husband and you get something done?

Naysa · 10/10/2012 08:45

You're being pretty cruel saying these things about your DH. Obviously he's not as much as a drama queen as you are and can stand one night of not having heating - like most adults can.
How about you grow a pair and stop bitching about you husband and you get something done?

pinkdelight · 10/10/2012 08:51

It sucks that your landlord is so crap and maybe it wouldn't make any difference what your DP did, the landlord would still be crap and the house would still have holes in it. You shouldn't have to put up with that, but if you can't move then all you can do is keep up the pressure I guess.

Is it maybe the case that, if the house were in better condition, the landlord could charge more and you wouldn't be able to afford to live there? Not saying it shouldn't be in fit condition, but from what you say about other properties in the area, it sounds like the fact that this one sucks may be why it's more affordable.

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KittyFane1 · 10/10/2012 09:03

desperately yes, the boiler needs to be replaced. Ours did a few years back and we went without hot water, heating for two months in the winter. It was awful but it took that long a) to wait for someone to be available to replace it and b) to find the money to pay for it.
The OP's landlord has tried to fix it to avoid this huge job and is sending someone out working a reasonable time. He should give up now and replace it but the OP still shouldn't be having a go at her DP. It's not his fault.
If she wants to move things on, she should put the pressure on by requesting a new boiler over and over again. Her DP sounds more relaxed about it.

EnjoyVampirebloodResponsibly · 10/10/2012 09:11

British Gas will condemn a boiler if its beyond help I believe OP.

Suggest that you get them round.

YANBU if the boiler also provides hot water and you've got DC to want it fixed,
YABU to expect an emergency plumber-have you any idea what their call out costs?

YAalsoBU to blame DH for your LL being an arse-start using your contract and letting agent more effectively. You can count on a letting agent being reluctant to have DC in a house with a condemned boiler. Just mention DC ad carbon monoxide in the same breath.

DesperatelySeekingPomBears · 10/10/2012 09:14

Again, I don't think the OP is saying she wouldn't deal with it. She asked to deal with and her DH told her to "shut up" and "let him deal with it".

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