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Pulling my hair out!

(11 Posts)
summitdifferent Tue 09-Oct-12 21:40:55

Quick background, I'm a Dad with two daughters who I have full time apart from every other weekend and three or four days a week over half term or term time holidays when they go to their Mum's.

Now Mum lives 150 miles away so every other weekend on a friday after work I will drive 100 miles to drop them off where the ex and her partner meet me. I am seeing somebody local to the drop off point and have been for 2 years now.

The problem is this..... There is always a drama with the pick up, or dates get changed often with very little notice. I find this so frustrating because it seems that I cannot make plans (nothing too exciting, cinema etc) with my other half because we just don't know if the weekend will fall through or not.

I have checked up and in the last 2 months there have been 7 requests to change dates or cancel for various reasons and 3 requests for petrol money for them to meet us. I get no financial support from the Mother and if anything am out of pocket myself. There have been occasions where I have had to drive the 150 mile trip to drop them off then 50 miles back to my GF's 50 miles back to pick them up and 150 miles home in the space of a weekend.

Tonight there has been another attempt to cancel this weekend in exchange for next weekend, scuppering plans I had to watch Taken 2 and then scuppering plans to take the girls to a water park next weekend. I am at the end of my tether and the ex cannot see that this is driving me mad!

Advice desperately sought...........
And breathe!

RandomMess Tue 09-Oct-12 21:46:07

How old are your girls?

What do you think would happen if you said no can do, you can cancel if you wish but I can't swap weekends?

summitdifferent Tue 09-Oct-12 21:49:04

9 and 3, What I have said is that I'm going up to the GF's regardless with the kids and if you want you can pick them up. As for next weekend, if you provide me with the petrol money I will make the journey. It's the fact that the goalposts are constantly moved and I have zero confidence in being able to schedule anything on my weekends "off".

Whitecherry Tue 09-Oct-12 21:49:37

Wow! You have been very tolerant so far. I would really nit be giving 'petrol money' for a start! That's her problem

Is contact by court order?

summitdifferent Tue 09-Oct-12 21:52:22

No court order yet, so far it's been by verbal agreement. I'm in a very stable job where housing is provided and she has a history of mental health/alcohol related problems so when it does go to court eventually I'm fairly confident. The tolerance thing is me sort of looking at it as an investment in a day off smile

RobynRidingHood Tue 09-Oct-12 21:54:31

Why are you paying their petrol money? Sorry, NRP pays to pick up the children. RP has enough on their hands without funding someone elses lifestyle

summitdifferent Tue 09-Oct-12 21:57:32

I keep getting told that, last time I sent "petrol" money the NRP (where do i find the acronyms?) turned up with a nose piercing and a new tan when dropping the girls back

RandomMess Tue 09-Oct-12 21:59:49

Hmmmm it sounds like your ex is going to continue to be "flakey" so I would just give her a time, date and location where she can pick the girls up from and return to and assume she isn't going to turn up!

Sorry that is negative but the more you see it as an opportunity for a well deserved break the more you will get wound up by her inability to stick to arrangements.

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Tue 09-Oct-12 22:04:08

I think you have been more than fair and your ex is taking the piss.

Stop rolling over and letting her walk all over you. Not fair on your girls.

It's great that your relationship seems to be good with your ex but she's messing about with the kids and its not fair on them.

No more petrol money. No changing dates.

She's their mother and she should be more reliable.

(My dad brought me and my brother up and I don't think dad parent families get enough respect)

summitdifferent Tue 09-Oct-12 22:08:55

Hey thanks for the advice. Trust me the relationship with the ex is far from good - in fact had a heated war of words with her current partner this evening. Not something that I am proud of. There is history there btw but am prepared to tuck my tail between my legs and serve a slice of humble pie for the greater good.

Can totally see why Mum's get so p****d off when Dad's take the mick!

I am gonna have to take the hit on this and stick to my guns, the next weekend will go ahead if the petrol money is stumped up but from then on in I'm sticking to my guns.

This shizzle is hard work eh??

RandomMess Tue 09-Oct-12 22:13:30

Yup it's horrendous when the NRP won't stick to contact arrangements however the more you pander to the more they seem to take the piss!

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