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out of control step son moving in?

(28 Posts)
aliceham Tue 09-Oct-12 21:01:01

I have been with my partner for 3 years, we have 2 DD's together, and i love our little family and we are really happy together. But recently my partners ex has asked us if we will have my partners teenage son (who we rarely see) live with us, as she cannot cope with him anymore, as he getting into fights, and is out of control.

I have always known that my partner would love to have his son live with him, and i wish i could say yes. But the thought fills me with anxiety and pannic!

I'm scared that if i say no, my DP will resent me, but if i say yes it will be me taking care of him, as I am a stay at home mum and my DP isn't the disaplining type.

Already having two small babies, I already struggle to get a break, I rarely get chance to eat, or even use the loo. I really don't think I could phisically and mentally cope with this!

I'm scared that we will have no choice but to have DP's son live with us, and it will tear my family apart. Im only 25! I really don't know if I can cope with an out of control teenager aroung my two little girls! Or am i just being unreasonable and selfish? As my partner says he can't just watch his son turn into a trainreck! I really don't know what to do for the best!

honeytea Tue 09-Oct-12 22:43:40

Maybe it is a cry for help from your partners ex, why does he rarely see his son? That isn't fair, he should be going to visit his son/having him to stay and being part of his life no matter where the boy lives. Could your DP step up a bit and be a better father to his son by at least making the boy a part of your life.

VBisme Tue 09-Oct-12 22:44:14

Talk to your DH, this all has to come from him, he needs to assure you that he will step up to the mark and parent, and back you up when you have to parent (which you will unless he goes to school / works exactly the same hours as your DH).

(Ignore the comments re what would you do if it was your child, imagine the comments if you'd said my SS is coming to live with us - hurrah! You're not his mum, what about his mother etc etc, you can't win with some people)

maddening Wed 10-Oct-12 00:02:52

why not have dss for Friday, sat, sun nights and with his Dm Mon-thurs? even if it leads to dss living there full time. His mum would get respite and he would be there when dh was home?

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