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not to offer to help until he asks.

(17 Posts)
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Tue 09-Oct-12 18:45:47

Dh needs his passport and birth certificate for work tomorrow. We have moved house twice in the past 18 months (renting and landlord sold).

DH cannot find what he is looking for and is banging and crashing upstairs, swearing, chucking things around. Generally being an obnoxious child who is frustrated by something and is not getting any help.

I suggested where he might find it when he asked me, but it is not there.

AIBU to let him bloody crash about and look for his things himself? If I step in and talk / shout / make suggestions then I am rising to the bait, aren't I??


OrangeImperialGoldBlether Tue 09-Oct-12 18:46:41

What happened to being kind? Why don't you just help him?

Shutupanddrive Tue 09-Oct-12 18:50:10

What bait? Just help him look hmm

DontmindifIdo Tue 09-Oct-12 18:51:45

go help him look. It's the nice hting to do.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Tue 09-Oct-12 18:52:29

Ah, yes, Should have said that he ALWAYS behaves like this if he is trying to find something. He does not put things away ever.

I don't consider myself unkind. But surely he could just ask me for help?

Ooooooh, he has just come downstairs extremely grumpy, having found what he was looking for.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Tue 09-Oct-12 19:01:56

angry He knew 3 weeks ago he needed his birth certificate,

advisemewisely Tue 09-Oct-12 19:09:23

My husband does this.
Him..where's my x.
Me.. In your draw?, car? Pockets?, I've looked there. Grumble, winge, slam, stomp. Why do people always bloody move things?
Me, where was it?
Him...I don't know.
Me...then how do you know somone else moved it.
Him, slam some more, some swearing, shouting.
I then sit with tea until he calms down and asks me politley for help.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 09-Oct-12 19:10:31

i would just leave him to it,im fucking fed up with people whose idea of looking for something = just throwing stuff about and not clearing it up but obviously only if they do it in my house grin

PropositionJoe Tue 09-Oct-12 19:13:40

Oh leave him to it, he's attention seeking isn't he

<too late>

caeleth Tue 09-Oct-12 19:32:56

Yanbu, dh always does this too... although i do hate being the locator of everything, especially since he claims to be the only one to ever tidy, and have now started letting him find it on his own even if i do know where it is. Passive agressive, me? Nooo.....

GoldShip Tue 09-Oct-12 20:06:46

Why does he have to ask for help? What's up with you offering it? If my DP lost something my natural reaction would be to help.

HellonHeels Tue 09-Oct-12 20:14:39

He makes problems for himself by being careless and untidy and by leaving things to the last minute. Then by raging and stomping he tries to make this into someone else's problem - OP's problem. By ignoring the behaviour and waiting until he asks politely for help I think OP was putting the problem back where it belonged. YWNBU

GoldShip Tue 09-Oct-12 20:18:44

I know I rage and crash around when I can't find something, its bloody annoying especially when it's something important! So I really appreciate it when DP can step in, calm things down and help me think about it logically.
We then find it, everything's sorted and we can all go back to doing what we were doing.

Oh but I forget, women are perfect and breeze through merrily and pluck the missing item from the air

Tuttutitlookslikerain Tue 09-Oct-12 20:22:34

If it were my DH who was looking for something that he desperately needed tomorrow and couldn't find it, thus was getting stressed I'd offer to help.

I would hope if the boot was on the other foot he'd offer to help me.

Whatever happened to treat others how you'd want to be treated?

lilachair Tue 09-Oct-12 20:26:02

What I love about not living with another manchild adult is that everything stays where I put it. I have not lost my keys/passport/stupid bank calculator thing ONCE in the last year. It's so relaxing.

(I'm not saying leave the bastard, honest wink )

lilachair Tue 09-Oct-12 20:26:54

The mantra 'The womb is not a locating device' that I read on here a while back is also V helpful grin

DeWe Tue 09-Oct-12 21:11:50

Df once couldn't find his cheque book. Refused dm's help....

She had to phone him at the bank where he was in the process of cancelling it to say she'd found it in exactly the place she suggested he looked. grin

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