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To not know what to say?

(85 Posts)
MummyPig24 Tue 09-Oct-12 16:57:09

Moved house a few weeks ago and this morning saw the girl next door. Asked her to come over after school with her kids. They never turned up, I thought they might have been held up at school. After about 45mins I went up stairs. and saw her kids in the garden so I popped round and knocked but no answer. I know I'm being a bit socially retarded here but what do I say next time I see her? Do I knock and say something like "I think we got our wires crossed, I was expecting you, maybe we can arrange another time". Or do I just wait till we bump into each other again and mention it?

threesocksmorgan Tue 09-Oct-12 17:29:03

sorry I didn't realise the op had sn, I must have missed that bit.

austenozzy Tue 09-Oct-12 17:32:08

Madmouse: the OP wasn't using retarded in that sense. She was referring to her thought that she might be missing something in the social interaction with her neighbour.

In the same vein, shoot all physicists:

madmouse Tue 09-Oct-12 17:34:01

very clever austenozzy that is so obviously related to what the OP said hmm

austenozzy Tue 09-Oct-12 17:36:41

Are you referring to my on-topic first sentence, or the link? So what did the OP mean with her use of the word retarded?

MummyPig24 Tue 09-Oct-12 17:37:05

Thanks for the replies. Didn't realise describing myself as "socially retarded" would offend but now its been pointed out I won't do it in future. I asked if she would like to come over after school and she said that would be lovely. I guess she forgot or didn't want to. There are other people over there so maybe she double booked and forgot. Never mind, I will leave it up to her. This making friends business is a minefield!

VeremyJyle Tue 09-Oct-12 17:37:14

What's the PC term for fire retardant then?

MrsKeithRichards Tue 09-Oct-12 17:38:44

It's not like she came on and called her neighbour a fucking retarded is it madmouSe?

That would have been offensive.

You can't be offended by a word, be offended by it's context if you must and you don't have to be a genius to figure out there was no malice in it's use here.

MummyPig24 Tue 09-Oct-12 17:39:17

I meant I wasn't sure what the etiquette was regarding the situation. I thought most people would know and i was feeling awkward. That would have been a better word!

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Tue 09-Oct-12 17:39:58

Same old excuses coming out again by posters who themselves use the R word and don't like to feel they're wrong. 'Socially retarded' is a description that used to be used to describe, among others, people with social disorders such as autism. It's as madmouse says, no longer an acceptable term. Please be educated and stop using it. There is a large and thriving minority of posters on MN with DC who have SN, and it's offensive to keep on using this word and excusing its use.

MrsKeithRichards Tue 09-Oct-12 17:40:54

Mummypig people knew what you meant don't worry. Some people like to look for offense when none was meant.

madmouse Tue 09-Oct-12 17:40:57

I guess these things are easier if you do not have a very bright child at risk of being called a retard due to his disabilities. I will step aside now. MNHQ wants us to 'educate' when we see disablist comments - I have tried.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Tue 09-Oct-12 17:41:06

Cross posted, MummyPig. Thank you.

MrsKeithRichards Tue 09-Oct-12 17:41:58

Have you seem me use the word retard?

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Tue 09-Oct-12 17:42:51

No, just excusing it...

MrsKeithRichards Tue 09-Oct-12 17:43:47

In my previous life I've been waking down the street with kids shouting retard and a hundred other offensive terms at me and the guy I was working with.

I know how loaded and offensive it can be.

It's not an illegal word and has another, perfectly legitimate use.

austenozzy Tue 09-Oct-12 17:44:36

I wouldn't describe someone with a social disorder, or a disorder of any kind, as retarded, as that's plainly offensive. The use of a real word in a different context isn't offensive.

MrsKeithRichards Tue 09-Oct-12 17:45:11

So why accuse me, and others, of using it?

austenozzy Tue 09-Oct-12 17:49:10

I used the word retarded the other day, to describe the slow growth of the laurels I planted in the spring and the effect the wet summer had on them. What should I have said instead?

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Tue 09-Oct-12 17:49:43

Sorry, austenozzy, I can't think of any 'socially retarded' meaning anything other than than one's social development being 'retarded.' MummyPig has gracefully decided not to continue using the word. Why are you still defending it's use?

MummyPig24 Tue 09-Oct-12 17:49:46

Jeez Louise! Didn't know it was offensive and apologised. Have explained what I meant.

austenozzy Tue 09-Oct-12 17:54:48

She didn't mean that her social development had been retarded in some medical sense, though. You're seeing offensiveness where there is none. She just meant that she thought she was missing something in the one interaction with her neighbour. I don't see how you can see it any other way, unless you load the meaning of a standard word.

MamaMumrOrangeTheGolden Tue 09-Oct-12 17:58:22

Now you are being offensive.

MamaMumrOrangeTheGolden Tue 09-Oct-12 18:00:17

You don't have to educate in an offensive and ignorant way madmouse
And I think 2 out of 3 of your examples were comparable words, the third wasn't.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Tue 09-Oct-12 18:01:44

Disablist, racist, sexist. All equally offensive, IMO.

drypond Tue 09-Oct-12 18:08:08

i dont get why anyone would want to protect the use of the word retarded....its not a word we need to use

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