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to be upset and a bit shocked at best friends views on benefits??

(39 Posts)
PandaSpaniel Tue 09-Oct-12 13:06:43

Having become a single parent for the second time (due to ex being an emotionally abusive prick) I have found myself relying on benefits whilst going to college.

My friend has also been a single mum to three children and has received benefits during some of that time, although she did work full time at one point, but did get her childcare paid through tax credits.

She is now happily married and dead against benefits - she has gone so far to suggest that I should have had to pay for college because she did! She has conveiniently forgot that her husband has a bloody good job and can support her through college, her parents give her a hell of a lot of support and she was once in my shoes and took the help available!

I want to point out that I am not work shy, I have worked since my first child was born up until now.

AIBU to be upset?

TheCraicDealer Tue 09-Oct-12 17:49:44

Even if something does happen to her or her nearest and dearest which necessitates asking for help from the states, it'll always be "different" for them. Always is.....

SofaKing Tue 09-Oct-12 17:56:04

Just start saying that you are glad you are not a kept woman. That'll shut her up grin

My sister threw that one at me recently as she is an LP to a 16 yr old and I am a sahm. She conveniently forgot that she and her partner lived off benefits for years and he worked for several years while she was a sahm. She is a world class goalpost mover, sounds like she and your friend would get along!

MerylStrop Tue 09-Oct-12 17:56:14

She sounds a bit thick.

Have you challenged her on it?

PandaSpaniel Tue 09-Oct-12 17:56:17

usual We have known each other since nursery and she is a wonderful person who will go out of her way to help others. Just lately I am seeing another side of her and it really saddens me. I hope to god nothing bad ever does happen but a tiny part of me can't wait to say 'told you so!' God I sound like a right bitch now!

usualsuspect3 Tue 09-Oct-12 17:58:02

I'd dump her, a wonderful person wouldn't hold her views.

PandaSpaniel Tue 09-Oct-12 17:58:38

She isn't thick, far from it and she works as does her husband. I think she just needs to get her head out of the clouds (or her arse) on this issue and come back to reality.

SofaKing Tue 09-Oct-12 18:05:09

Even though she works, you have said that without her dh's income she would probably need tax credits. Therefore for every nasty remark I would hit back with how glad you are that you are not reliant on a partner's income. If you do it tit for tat, and she isn't stupid, she should stop. And if she doesn't, she is getting at you and you should stop seeing her.

PandaSpaniel Tue 09-Oct-12 18:12:51

sofaking Good plan. Yes she is reliant on is income to keep off tax credits so I will point that out to her.

marjproops Tue 09-Oct-12 18:39:36

I HAVE to live on benefits cos Im a fulltime carer for a disabled child, there are a few MNs who are the same, Im sure Ive seen that elsewhere. before DC I was also working fulltime, paying my taxes/NI etc etc. I wanted to work when I became a mum and DC was at school, in a school, (Im a senco, very useful with my DC!!) in school hours,but DC has so many hozzy/docs/support agency visits/special needs and requirements, theres no way I can. I dont like getting money this way, but Im a carer for the rest of my life now and just have to have the mindset that this is my job so Im working for the money. Its the workshy benefit cheats that bug everyone, not the ones who are genuinly entitled to help. but OP as others say, this is not a friend, and she should know better having been in that situation.

PandaSpaniel Tue 09-Oct-12 18:54:00

marjproops You have every right to claim and I think my friend wouldn't have a bad word to say to you. If she did I would tell her where to go.

I am going to stand up to her and challenge her views. I guess the reason I haven't is that I do rely on benefits and it embarrasses me. Never for a moment did I want or think I would become a single mum scrapping about on minimum wage. I so wish I had gone to college and uni at 16 -18 but for various reasons I didn't and now I am paying the price by struggling through college with two young children to care for.

marjproops Tue 09-Oct-12 18:59:25

PandaSpaniel, bless you, thank you for that. you can have me for a friend instead!!!

and you're right too, I find it embarrasing to say I live on bens just cause I get that 'single mum on bens' judgement. This isnt in our lifes plan but its the way things have turned out. Not our fault is it?

Thanx again, let me encourage you too. x

PandaSpaniel Tue 09-Oct-12 19:13:17

Thank You marjproops I find it hard with two perfectly healthy children, so I can imagine its so much harder with a disabled child. My baby is ill at the mo, nothing major but I haven't managed to get out of the house all day. So hats off to you x

marjproops Tue 09-Oct-12 19:27:53

Same here, Ive busted my knee so thats why we're sitting here MN-tting!! No seriously, knee, yes its true, DC's in bed now, gets very tired. Hope your baby gets better. x

SoftKittyWarmKitty Tue 09-Oct-12 20:51:49

Panda I'm a single parent, I work part time and due to my low income, also claim WTCs and TCs. I also get a small amount of housing benefit. She'd love me grin. Until a few years ago I worked full time but guess what? I was still entitled to WTCs and TCs because of my low income. So what would she'd have suggested I do then? Refuse the benefits? Not likely, because they helped keep a roof over me and my DSs head, put food on the table and helped towards nursery fees so I could work.

I know what you mean about bring embarrassed about claiming benefits. I find it shameful, even though I work. I don't like admitting to receiving them but I need them to survive, so there we are. I, too, have got friends who say things about benefits, slate kids going to nursery etc but when I challenge it and point out that they are effectively slating my life, I get 'oh, but it's different for you'. FFS angry

At least you're at college, striving to better yourself and unlike her, you're not relying on a man to keep you off benefits. Try to remember: what other people think, say and do, is always about them and never about you.

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