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To tell this man to leave my dd alone

(250 Posts)
SootyLovesSweep Tue 09-Oct-12 12:33:57

I have NC for this and I don't want to give to much detail in case I am recognised.

I have 3 dc. DD 1 is 10, DS is 7 and DD 2 is 5.

At school there is a dad who makes a beeline for my youngest dd every day. Incidents include:
Frequently picking her up and planting long kisses on her lips.
Picking her up and kissing her leg from toes to above knee making yum, yum noises whilst doing it.
One morning last week dd complained her tights were falling down. I pulled them up and sorted her out. He then grabbed her and pulled them up again putting his hands right down her skirt to do so.

He is the father of DD1s best friend so we know him to chat to. He doesn't approach either of my other dc in this way. I feel very uncomfortable around him but I don't know how to deal with it.

Any advice?.

alphabite Tue 09-Oct-12 12:38:42

Eh? Seriously? Tell him to get off your daughter. Ring the police if he continues.

sugariceAndScary Tue 09-Oct-12 12:40:09

Tell him straight!. That you object to the way he touches your dd and don't want it happening again.

Don't be scared, just do it. It sounds revolting.

BellaTata Tue 09-Oct-12 12:40:25

I would be hmm by this, seeing as you know him to chat to but you don't refer to him as a friend. Can you get there a few minutes earlier to ensure you get DD2 first and he doesn't have a chance to approach her? Or could your DH/DP collect the children from school one day and see what he thinks. I'm sure soemone will have some good suggestions.

Nanny0gg Tue 09-Oct-12 12:41:38

Are you serious?
I would suggest playdates are only at your house. Where's his wife?

Totally and utterly inappropriate. Ask him what he thinks he's playing at.

KellyMarieTunstall Tue 09-Oct-12 12:42:53

Hidden in plain sight.

This is how some predators get away with it. Tell him straight.

Goldenjubilee10 Tue 09-Oct-12 12:42:55

Tell him he is being inappropriate and I would not let dd1 visit his house or be alone with him.

JarethTheGoblinKing Tue 09-Oct-12 12:44:05

Wtf? confused

aleene Tue 09-Oct-12 12:44:32

shock He sounds very very inappropriate. You need to be blunt with him.

shineonucrazydiamond Tue 09-Oct-12 12:46:17

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn Tue 09-Oct-12 12:46:34

Why on earth are you asking what to do? If it makes you uncomfortable then just tell him.

Seriously creepy and I can't work out for the life of me why you've not already said something to him.

butterfingerz Tue 09-Oct-12 12:46:41

I struggle to fathom how you've allowed this.

I would not allow a man or woman who is not a very good friend at least, or blood relative to even pick my child up without my say so.

What you've described is disgusting, why have you not said or done anything so far?

I would cut contact re your DD1.

choceyes Tue 09-Oct-12 12:48:47

eehh?? That is very very inappropriate. I would have told him outright by now not to do that. I'm surprised you haven't.

EleanorBloodBathsket Tue 09-Oct-12 12:49:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oldwomaninashoe Tue 09-Oct-12 12:49:33

I would alert the school to his inappropriate behaviour and see if someone at the school will talk to him.
You are on a hiding to nothing if you tackle him about it or alert his wife.

Has anyone else noticed his behaviour?

BsshBossh Tue 09-Oct-12 12:51:47

This is totally inappropriate behaviour. I am shocked you have let it go on like this! Tell him in no uncertain terms to not touch your DD and don't allow your eldest DD to go to her friend's house. If he persists, report him to the head teacher and the police.

VinegarTits Tue 09-Oct-12 12:53:14

planting a kiss on her lips shock i would be planting my fist on his!

MaryZed Tue 09-Oct-12 12:53:24

Um confused.

You really want advice?

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte Tue 09-Oct-12 12:55:06


I would report him to the HT now.

JustinBoobie Tue 09-Oct-12 12:57:06

tell him to BACK OFF. How do you not kick him in the front????


It's not right.

SootyLovesSweep Tue 09-Oct-12 12:57:31

Ok I'm feeling very blush because you are all right I do need to say something.
I just wasn't sure if I was being precious or nasty to be thinking awful things about him.
It is very difficult because his wife is a friend of sorts. We chat at the school gates. We do the same job (working from home) but for the same company and have a large network of mutual colleagues. Playdates with dd1 and his dd are nearly always at his house but his wife is always there. he is never alone with dd2.

Shit, I do need to tell him though. How do I do it with causing massive upset.

TantrumsAndBalloons Tue 09-Oct-12 12:57:33

You cannot possibly need anyone to tell you this is wrong and you need to stop it now??

I mean you you must already know this.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Tue 09-Oct-12 12:59:09

shock ffs make him stop! What are you waiting for?! Report him to the HT now and just tell him to not do that, any of it ever again!

If he doesn't stop phone the police.

OhChristFENTON Tue 09-Oct-12 12:59:12

My advice would be to tell him to stop immediately, that you are deeply uncomfortable with it and so is she.

And yes, to make sure it's loud and in front of others.

rockinhippy Tue 09-Oct-12 12:59:23

YANBU, he's either dodgy, or an imbecile - nip it in the bud PDQ, + others say keep ur DD away from his house on playdates.
If you are embarrassed to confront him outright, then do it in a jokey way, but finish off with firm eye contact so he knows he can't intimidate you. Something along the lines of "carry on like that + your gonna get yourself a Peado nick name" laugh + then continue, but seriously though, its not really an appropriate way to treat someone else's DD, + both DD + I aren't comfortable with it" good luck, he may be harmless, if a bit thick, but in this day + age he would need to be a complete moron who's lived in a cave not to know that his behaviour over steps the mark - good luck.

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