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I know IBU but I don't care! Sister breaking borrowed items. Very, very long!

(29 Posts)
Naysa Tue 09-Oct-12 12:03:06

I'm at the end of my tether now, mostly at my younger, 15 yo sister, but also at my parents.
There's a 5 year age gap between my sister and I, so I have become accustomed to having my things "borrowed" if I didn't -hide them- put them away. We share a room but I'm looking to move out when I've finished college.
In the past couple of years my sister has become more and more interested in clothes and makeup and things like that, so I've been letting her borrow my clothes and have been buying her little makeup things and letting her have stuff I no longer use. Lately she's been showing no respect to my stuff. Examples include:
- Borrowing a pair of my jeans. A pair she knows I love and I bought with my own money when I was 14 and have kept in almost perfect condition for the past 6 years. She borrowed them and had her period in them. Twice. The second time it happened she folded them and put them in my drawer. I didn't notice the blood until I was putting them on. The jeans are a bit long and due to her treading on them the hem has become discoloured and ripped. She sits cross legged and has burst the inner thigh seams and is upset because I'm refusing to fix them.
- I love collecting makeup and use my money to buy it. I saved up for a couple of weeks to buy to eyeshadow palettes I wanted. I'd had them a week. One palette had the colours gouged out because she used it to draw, the other went missing, turned up in her bag with a couple of the pans empty because she had dropped it.
- A pair of denim military style boots that were a gift from my mother have been borrowed and now smell of damp and have been scraped and scuffed.
- A top I bought when I was in York, six hours from where I live, has been stretched, stained and has holes in.
- She borrows my mac coat and leaves the bum and the cuffs dirty and the coat creased due to it being left on the floor when wet.
- I had an mp3 player in high school, it was quite expensive and I kept it in great condition and with the original ear phones for four years. She took it, deleted a lot of my music, broke the earphones then lost it. Within 2 weeks.
I've spoken to her and it hasn't worked so I've asked my parents to have a word. They said she shouldn't treat my stuff so badly. They then said to me that it's my fault for letting her use them and what do I expect and I shouldn't leave my stuff out, which I don't. Problem is, I'm out of the house a lot during the day and even though I've told her she can't borrow anything and asked my parents to make sure she doesn't, I'm still coming home to ripped clothes and wrecked makeup.
AIBU to throw all my stuff in the bin, trash her belongings and the my parents' belongings, then throttle all three of them?
Obviously I am. Any advice on how to deal with this situation?

The only advise I have is get a lock for your bedroom door.

My sis is 5 years older than me and I used to love going through her room when she was out, looking in her diary, trying on her clothes etc etc, it drove her mad.

I didn't break anything though so don't think I was quite as bad as your sis.

Yep, get a lock and then she cant get in.

picnicbasketcase Tue 09-Oct-12 12:08:01

Definitely lock the door, and tell her that for every things she steals and wrecks of yours, you will in future be choosing a random item of hers and doing likewise.

StickMeToTheMan Tue 09-Oct-12 12:09:06

But they share a room confused

daddyorchipsdaddyorchips Tue 09-Oct-12 12:12:01

They share a room.

Get a large, lockable trunk and store everything you value in there until she can be trusted not to ruin everything she "borrows" in there.

Naysa Tue 09-Oct-12 12:12:08

I'd love to lock the door but unfortunately we share a room. There is only one wardrobe and chest of drawers also so we can't have separate furniture to keep our stuff in sad

Pootles2010 Tue 09-Oct-12 12:12:47

Hm is moving out now a possibility? Sharing a room with your sister when you're 20 isn't ideal, you have my sympathies if it isn't possible to move out. I'm afraid this is just what 15 year olds are like...

PinkFairyDust Tue 09-Oct-12 12:13:05

Every time she borrows an item ask for a deposit - if she doesn't have the money can't have it. If item comes back ruined she doesn't get her money back

Noqontrol Tue 09-Oct-12 12:13:07

Is there a cupboard anywhere that you can lock things in to? Or a locking wardrobe? Bit rubbish of your sister, I would be really pissed off.

zukiecat Tue 09-Oct-12 12:13:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oh sorry I missed that bit!!

I dont know then..........apart from a big lockable box dont think there is an answer.

Arion Tue 09-Oct-12 12:14:23

Lock on the door won't work, OP said they share a bedroom. Do you have separate wardrobes/chest of drawers? Could you put a hasp/padlock on them so she can't get at your stuff? 14 is old enough to be respectful of your belongings andvI think your parents should be enforcing that (removal of pocket money/privileges). I would also be tempted to trash some of her beloved items or sell them to recoup the money to replace your things that she has damaged.

picnicbasketcase Tue 09-Oct-12 12:14:50

Apologies, I missed that bit about sharing the room. A cupboard with a lock on it then? And I'd still be tempted to wreck something of hers when she does it, even though its be very childish.

Arion Tue 09-Oct-12 12:15:43

Ok, no spare wardrobe/drawers, big lockable trunk seems to be the best bet and a taste of her own medicine!

StickMeToTheMan Tue 09-Oct-12 12:19:43

Yes, buy a lockable cupboard or trunk of some sort. And move out when you can.

Naysa Tue 09-Oct-12 12:20:33

She doesn't get pocket money because of her behaviour. A lockable trunk is a great idea!
I think I'm upset because I would never dream of treating someone else's things like that, even at 15. I like to keep my things looking nice and when they get damaged it feels like wasted time and money.
I'd love to move out but I don't have the money. I'm in college full time and I'm working 12 hours a weekend. I stay at my boyfriend's parents' most evenings but I don't want to see hard faced by leaving my belongings there while I don't have the means to pay them even a token amount for rent.
I just feel like putting my stuff in bin bags and getting rid sad

thecatsminion Tue 09-Oct-12 12:22:37

Lockable trunk sounds like the best bet.

Or, Start a running total of what she's taken and how much it will cost to replace. Take a few of her prized things and store them at a friend's house. When she complains, ask her for the money to replace your stuff, and only give it back when she's coughed up.

Or move out, which presumably you'll want to do soon anyway?

PurpleCrazyHorse Tue 09-Oct-12 12:25:22

Suitcase and a padlock. It'll slide under your bed or go on the top of the wardrobe. You can get key combination padlocks if your worried about losing the key. Definitely save to move out too.

Absolutely don't let her borrow anything at all from now on. It's a pain but put everything in the case or take it with you when you go out. Do you have a locker at college, could you do your makeup there and leave it in your locker during the day?

ArseBandit Tue 09-Oct-12 12:27:56

This would piss me off no end. My younger sister used to do this to me, and nick my stuff when we were teens (2 years age difference), although we had separate rooms. I always looked after my stuff and she was careless. All my underwear started disappearing one time and I was starting to get worried the pervy bloke next door was nicking them off the line lol. In fact it was just my grotty sister couldn't be arsed putting her washing out so just started nicking mine. When I found out I waited til she went out then took a whole drawer of her clothes and her new coat and put them in my room and padlocked the door. She went apeshit and tried to bash me. Apparently, even though I'd told her she couldn't borrow my stuff because she never looked after it, it was her godgiven right to take what she wanted when she wanted and I should've "just been a nice sister and said yes." Um no. YANBU. And you have my sympathies for having to bunk in with a 15yo when you are 20.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan Tue 09-Oct-12 12:29:11

you have to worrk out a way for your sister to feel the consequences of her actions and for your parents to feel the consequence of not backing you up. hat that is will be personal to your situation. you may be able to put locks on your drawers hasp attached to side and front with padlock? or put a lockable box in the bottom of your wardrobe. do you pay board to your parents? make them wwait a bit for it as you have to replace stuff your sister wrecked and you are sure they will understand... ?

Nanny0gg Tue 09-Oct-12 12:29:14

I'd get a lockable unit for my stuff and then I'd gather up all of hers and shove it in bin bags and toss it in the garden.

All of you saying to the OP 'Don't let her', the point is, the sister doesn't ask!!

ElectricMonk Tue 09-Oct-12 12:31:03

TBH you need your parents' support to fix this, and they owe you that firstly because it is their job to teach your sister to cohabit respectfully with other family members (since it's pretty much an essential life skill) and secondly because they chose to have more children than they have bedrooms to accommodate. Nothing wrong with making that choice, but only if you are prepared to make sure that it doesn't place one sibling in a position where they are being treated unfairly.

They should definitely be making her reimburse you for the cost of the things she ruins (out of earnings/pocket money or even Xmas and birthday present money if needs be).

More importantly, they should be allowing you to store all of your things in their room and locking the door since she clearly can't be trusted to be unsupervised in the same room as your stuff.

But (and I know this is stating the obvious) please don't break her stuff until/unless your folks have failed to support you in resolving this in a mature way - for a start, she'll just destroy more of yours and they will have an excuse not to help you!

Pootles2010 Tue 09-Oct-12 12:31:09

Lockable trunk then. Good for you for sticking with college in such a rubbish situation - 'this too shall pass' situation I think I'm afraid. In the meantime, this top from York, where did you get it? I can get another one and post to you if you want?

GreenEggsAndNichts Tue 09-Oct-12 12:39:41

ElectricMonk has a very sensible post there. She's 15, your parents should be backing you up on this.

typicalvirgo Tue 09-Oct-12 12:42:43

has she got anything precious to her you can casually 'loose' ?

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