Made ex H move out after years of abuse. He kept all his money and gave me an allowance each week which was one third of the money coming in, out of this I had to pay all bills, he kept the rest for himself and his social life. He cheated on me repeatedly, paid for sex, phone sex, you name it he did it. When I was pregnant with our children he was being unfaithful, not using condoms, gave me an STI, not when pregnant fortunately. Prevented me from going to uni, even had all say over how the house was decorated. He was controlling and abusive in all ways it is possible to be.
There has been no formal access arrangement for the last two years since the split, he dropped in as and when sometimes not bothering for weeks at a time when on a bender. One of our children has SN I did everything for getting the diagnosis, all the donkey work, meetings, medical appointments, all down to me. I have pretty much brought them up single handedly, even when he lived here he did nothing.
He always managed to hold down a job though and now has an extremely well paid one. He pays child support so no probs there. But I run a house, pay all bills, lots of extra expenses for disabled child etc, I am ok for money but certainly not like him. My friend said she would have expected me to meet someone else by now, I am quite attractive (even if I do say it myself but as I said to her "how on earth can I, when I never get a night off, ever".
He has just moved into a beautiful new house, I mean stunning, panoramic views, outside area for kids to play, I don't have anything like this, my kids have to be taken out every day to get outside play, no garden. He has an amazing job, amazing social life, amazing trips. Now wants a more formal access arrangement (finally), but I don't think it will last.
Today after seeing him my dd told me that she hates me, she doesn't want to live with me anymore, wants to live with Dad, shook me off whenever I tried to hug and kiss her. I was helping her get ready for bed and she was saying all this to me I said nothing in response. Don't know what to say really. She wouldn't kiss me when she went to bed and at night will normally call out to me for cuddles whenever I go past I always go in and give her a cuddle. Tonight she has not called me at all, just ignored me. I don't mind saying I am absolutely gutted. Not showing it though. I think this is how is starts, the thin end of the wedge. I always knew it would come to this, I am one of lifes losers and he has everything, I can't compete and I think she sees this now. I know I can't show her though and just have to ignore and carry on as normal but god its hard. I am crying whenever I think of it. I can't believe how cold she is. We are usually close as can be . She has said stuff like this before but never so much or quite so harsh.
I know everyone will say she doesn't mean it but she is just so cold toward me. I think she does . She is 6 btw.
Please be gentle with me, I feel very woe begone.
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to feel like utter rubbish tonight.
4 replies
niceladiesfinishlast · 08/10/2012 20:25
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