Stories and tips on how to stand up for ourselves I think is needed ...(9 Posts)
after reading so many posts on here of the so called casual abuse and harassment many of us have suffered i thought i would start a thread on stories of when you did say NO and what happened along with tips as a little encouragement for us all to not put up with this crap any longer
i was on the tube and felt someone touch my bottom i moved away as he was having a good feel and also thought well it is packed maybe it was a mistake. no of course it was not and he did it again, i moved again and gave him a dirty look he did it again and i grabbed his hand and pulled his fingers back and asked him what he was doing. of course he said nothing what are you talking about a few tutted, some laughed but he was embarrassed and others knew he was guilty
sadly so was i but i did feel good about what i had done and brave
That was very brave indeed OP, well done. Gropers tend to be cowards - well done for shaming him as he deserved, hopefully he will think twice before putting his hands on someone else. This kind of assault is designed to make you feel ashamed and silenced but it didn't work on you!
Great thread idea by the way - we need to keep talking about these sorts of things so women realise they are not alone and it's nothing to be ashamed of.
My driver's ed teacher started rubbing my shoulders while I he was "teaching" me to drive. He asked "what I would do if my boyfriend did this while I was driving." I pulled the car over to the side of the road and said I'd call the police and tell them that an old man was being a pervert, and he could either keep his hands to himself or get out of the car.
A couple weeks later when I finished the course he told me my attitude was "going to get me in trouble one day" LOL
I shouted very loudly at a flasher in the street 'what on earth are you doing? Put your dick away!' which alerted lots of stares at him and tuts from other people and caused him to run away. Sadly, I didnt even think to report him to the police at that time, which I would definitely do now.
Cabbies have tried it on with me several times. Once a guy put his hand on my knee and stared stroking my leg. He had locked the doors. I removed his hand and told him very assertively that if he didnt pull over immediately and let me out I would make sure he went to prison for a very long time. I was absolutely shitting myself and had no way to really stop him attacking me, but luckily he shat himself and let me out.
I also fought a cabbie off, kicked him and bit him and managed to get out of the cab when he tried to pin me down and kiss me quite aggressively. Very scary, was very young and bolshy but ultimately pretty ignorant...I should have gone straight to the police and will always regret not doing so.
MaBaya this is why I insist on sitting behind the driver if I am in a taxi alone.
My auntie was in the RAF and used to put down 'hilarious' cock waving colleagues with "Look, it's like a penis only smaller!!"
The time I got my arse groped in Chicago Rock (classy joint) I grabbed the hand and pulled. When the red faced bloke appeared at the end of it I loudly said "How dare you feel me up!"
He was horrified and stammered that my bum had been so nice he couldn't help himself. Sorry pal I don't think that'd stand up in court! He was only a young guy and I really embarrassed him so hopefully he had a look at himself.
When out at night it helps to perfect the thousand yard stare and just completely ignore any shouting/drunken attempts at "conversation" on the street. I've noticed that a lot of my friends who have had trouble with guys harassing them on the street at night tend to slow down, make eye contact, freeze or look scared if a bunch of guys starts getting in their way/shouting/"chatting" which is totally understandable but which gives the men a window to start getting in your face. I just completely and utterly ignore them, as if they're not there and carry on the conversation I'm having or get out my phone and ring someone. They don't know how to respond to that. They're so used to being intimidating that a woman just acting like they're nothing totally takes the wind out of their sails. Literally within a few seconds they just stop and walk away, IME. My friends who have seen this happen have been really amazed at how effective it is.
Actually I agree CailinDana. I spent years thinking I needed to psych myself up to make some witty verbal retort (which I could never think of at the time anyway!), but actually I think ignoring it is probably a very effective response. Hopefully it sends the message that them and their drivel is of absolutely no interest to you and that it's almost beneath you to even consider responding. The thousand yard stare lets them know that you have heard them but won't be responding, thanks all the same
This didn't happen to me, but my sister. We were on holiday in a ME country. Anyway walking through a not so busy market a man brushed past my sister and took a big feely pinch of her bum. My sister shouted, ran after the man and punched him in the face twice. The man ran away, but my sister was quite shaken and I couldn't believe she'd hit him like that.
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