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to be surprised that it's ok for a 13yo girl to watch online porn but not a man?

(26 Posts)
leicester44 Mon 08-Oct-12 12:17:10

I read many threads on the Relationships board where porn is a big issue and many women will not tolerate it in their marriage/relationship. Some split up over it.

I am surprised at the responses to my thread here where the overwhelming message is that she is only watching it from curiosity and it's not such a big deal?

WorraLiberty Mon 08-Oct-12 12:19:10

Isn't one thread enough?

Have you asked the people actually on that thread if they think you're being unreasonable?

ShirleyRots Mon 08-Oct-12 12:22:28

Presumably there's a difference between a teenager looking at pornography out of curiousity and a grown man using it to get an orgasm.

Were you expecting people to say "Leave the bastard" about your daughter? confused

Whitecherry Mon 08-Oct-12 12:24:31

Op.... Are you blind to the difference?

MadgeHarvey Mon 08-Oct-12 12:25:54

Another one drawing attention to their own thread? Good heavens! What answers were you expecting? You feel 'disgusted' and 'betrayed'? I can only assume that you've never really been betrayed in your life if this is all it takes.

So YABU. Very. On more than one count.

AlexanderS Mon 08-Oct-12 12:32:33

I'd be very worried if it was my DD - I just don't know how the next generation are ever going to have normal sex lives (and by normal I mean incorporating things like dignity and respect, not necessarily 'vanilla') when their first experience of sex is online pornography - but I do think there's a difference between a grown man doing it routinely and a teenage girl who can only have done a handful of times and is not yet sexually mature.

ShirleyRots Mon 08-Oct-12 12:36:18

I totally agree alexander. I am not saying in any way shape or form that the OP should just shrug and say it's alright, but I think that any sort of mad-eyed shouting and screaming isn't the best way to deal with a curious teenager.

I've talked about pornography with my boys, but if they looked at something I wouldn't feel "betrayed" seems like an odd word to use in connection to your child's burgeoning sexuality to me.

catgirl1976 Mon 08-Oct-12 12:37:55

I think (and I cba to read your other thread) is that people expect a grown man to be responsible for his actions, understand the wider context of what he does and make considered life decisions based on that. Whereas we give 13 years olds a bit less responsibility for their actions.

Hence grown men having the vote whilst 13 year olds do not.

Etc

SchrodingersMew Mon 08-Oct-12 12:40:57

Tbh, I think it says more about you being "disgusted" and "betrayed".

She's a child at an age where she is likely to be curious and just discovering her sexuality. She will not yet know that this is wrong and I think the way you have reacted will likely give her bigger issues when it comes to sex than having a nosey at some porn.

And I also agree that there is a big difference between a man using it to get off on a regular basis behind their partners back than a child looking at it because they are curious.

She probably wont realise these women are being exploited (and I don't believe they are in every case, depending on the porn) but an adult will. That's the difference.

And when you say she looked at weird stuff what do you mean?

cheekydevil Mon 08-Oct-12 12:48:02

I wonder how the DD will find out the answers to any questions she may have concerning sex as apparently she is disgusting and is betraying her DM by having completely natural feelings?
Is this the only way she could get her curiosity sated?
Has she been provided with any suitable reference books (age related)?

Tweasels Mon 08-Oct-12 12:50:31

Really?

I haven't read your other thread other than the OP but surely you know the difference between a teenage curiosity and adult porn use.

AnAirOfHalloween Mon 08-Oct-12 12:50:54

Its not the same as a men should know the issues surounding porn and makes a decission to watch it but a child needs you to explain those issues before she can make her own mind up about how she feels about it and in the end her own sexuality and her own boundries.

Now is the perfect time to openly discuess all of it with her from freedom of choice, feminisham and sexual acts and self respect and loving relationships.

Then tell her porn is for over 18 yo and in your home you do not want anyone watching porn and that you would like her to respect your rules.

AnAirOfHalloween Mon 08-Oct-12 12:56:50

I havent read the other thread but if you called your dd 'discusting' then you have failed as a parent and have taking a big step to your dd shuting you out of her life and not being able to talk to you about adult issues that every teenager strugles with. And that is really disappointing to me sad

ChinchChaser Mon 08-Oct-12 13:02:07

the biggest worry on that thread imo is feeling 'disgusted and betrayed' by your own daughter for doing something completely natural, 13 is an age where you are aware of your own body and start to explore i suppose. I think most teens have looked at porn at some point albeit in days gone by it was dodgy magazines or someones parents fuzzy porno vhs and now its easily accessible. There is no reason imo to even mention this to yor daughter you will mortify her and your feelings will come across to her. Put up tight parental controls and it cant happen again.

As for men well imo thats completly different but again what grown adults do with there own bodies is there business and partners trying to control that is a little strange imo

Hemlet Mon 08-Oct-12 13:03:17

Why on Earth would you feel 'betrayed'?

HeadfirstForHalos Mon 08-Oct-12 13:11:39

My friend and I, at a similar age, "borrowed" her Grandads hidden porn videos and watched them. We were just curious and thought it hilarious at the time tbh. As an adult I now firmly disagree with porn and have no interest in it.

A man is an adult capable of making an adult decision. If he uses porn while in a relationship with someone who disagrees with it he is old enough to deal with any fallout from that. Your dd is just a child and as AnyFucker said on your other thread your primary concern here should be to protect your child from these images.

HeadfirstForHalos Mon 08-Oct-12 13:13:24

Disgusted and betrayed.

I would be disgusted with myself for having allowed this to happen.

You should be concerned not disgusted and betrayed hmm

Fakebook Mon 08-Oct-12 13:21:39

You only have 10 replies on that thread. Hardly an overwhelming majority is it?

Anyway, like others have said, there is a difference between a grown married man indulging his sexual appetite by watching porn, and a curious 13 year old finding out what sex is all about.

Instead of giving your dd the guilt trip about being betrayed and disgusted, please talk to her about sex and how porn is a horrible way in which a loving act is portrayed.

SinisterBuggyMonth Mon 08-Oct-12 13:44:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fishwife1949 Mon 08-Oct-12 13:45:08

Sorry i would feel unhappy if i found my 13 year old watching porn my oh is a grown up i am not is owner dispite some womens attuides on here to there husbands he can watch what he like as long as its not ilegal

There are lots of things i do he would rather i didnt tuff he is not my keeper nor my parent

catgirl1976 Mon 08-Oct-12 13:49:26

^^ confused

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Mon 08-Oct-12 13:52:08

If you don't know the difference between an adult man and a 13 year old child, you have got serious problems.

SinisterBuggyMonth Mon 08-Oct-12 13:59:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Mon 08-Oct-12 14:08:24

Sinsister my post was to the OP, not you. I haven't even read your earlier post.

SinisterBuggyMonth Mon 08-Oct-12 14:10:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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