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To be jealous of friends who have siblings

(18 Posts)
Whistlingwaves Mon 08-Oct-12 11:19:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsVestibule Mon 08-Oct-12 11:26:16

I have two sisters - one I'm quite close to, the other I don't get on very well with, but we would always be there for each other if needed.

YANBU - most families (even if they're not close) can rely on each other in a crisis and I would miss that if I didn't have it. Are your parents still alive?

I think the only answer is to try to maintain close friendships - my DCs are very close to my best friend and (I think) see her as an aunty-type figure.

Whistlingwaves Mon 08-Oct-12 11:29:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClippedPhoenix Mon 08-Oct-12 11:31:46

Closeness isn't always the case though OP and people can develop very good friendships instead.

I have one DS.

I have 2 brothers and a sister that I don't know!
I have two sisters, I'm close to 1 but not the other so much. They have kids but never really see my us as we don't live near each other.

But, I have wonderful friends that have children my DS's age whom I have known since he was little and could call on at the drop of a hat.

Adversecamber Mon 08-Oct-12 11:36:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oohlaalaa Mon 08-Oct-12 11:39:39


I have a brother. He isn't someone I'd chat to on the phone, or call round for coffee unannounced, but he's always been there for me, and likewise me him.

MsVestibule Mon 08-Oct-12 11:40:33

In that case, I think you just have to make some more friends! I know it's easier said than done - I moved away from friends and family when I was 34 weeks pregnant and just had to get out there.

If you had the courage to get out of an abusive relationship, you've definitely got the courage to go up to mums in baby groups/the school playground and get chatting. If I like them, I ask if they want to meet up for a coffee and it goes from there.

Fakebook Mon 08-Oct-12 11:43:26

Yanbu. I don't get on with my brothers and my relationship with my sister is like a rollercoaster, however, in times of crisis and times of happiness they have always been there for me.

Sorry about your situation. Do you feel confident enough to go and make new friends? Maybe take up a hobby or something?

CMOTDibbler Mon 08-Oct-12 11:44:34

You can have my brother - he's a useless lump of crap who can't even be bothered to speak to our v elderly and frail parents on the phone when they call.

Many people have siblings who are never there for them - you need to work on getting back in touch with the people you lost through abuse and making new friends

OrangeLily Mon 08-Oct-12 11:47:34

Between me and DH we have eight siblings of various forms, five of whom we have relationships with but only 2 we see regularly due to distance. What we also have though is cousins?! Do you have any of those around your age that could be aunties and uncles to your child?

LunaticFringe Mon 08-Oct-12 11:47:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueSkySinking Mon 08-Oct-12 11:58:37

I have a sibling like relationship with my two closest friends and see their kids as my nieces and nephews? Is there any way you could do the same? I feel for you, it must be hard being alone.

vj32 Mon 08-Oct-12 12:04:01

I have a brother who for a long list of reasons, I don't get on with or have direct contact with at all. I don't want him to have any contact with my DS, they have met once and DB's comment was 'Oh thats your kid is it?'. He didn't ask how he is or try and interact with him or anything! He is the last person I would ever ask for help in a crisis as he will almost certainly make it worse.

However DH has a sister who he is very close to so I think YANBU as I am quite jealous of the fact that he has a sibling who is a nice person!

Numberlock Mon 08-Oct-12 12:07:46

I am an only child and don't have any uncles, aunties, cousins etc either.

However, I have some very good, close friends who I consider as my proxy family. They are the people that I can go to in times of trouble.

To be honest, I prefer being an only child, especially when my mum was ill, there was only me to rely on with regards to making decisions about her care. I know so many RL cases where people have been let down by siblings.

evilgiraffe Mon 08-Oct-12 12:10:20

Hmm, strange. Both DH and I are only children, and neither of us have ever been bothered by it. We have some very close friends who I know we could rely on in an emergency, as well as close relationships with our parents. I don't feel the lack of a sibling at all. However, if/when we have DC they'll have very limited extended family because neither of us have siblings, so I would love to have more than one child of my own. I also go to some effort to keep contact with my cousins, so we can make the most of what little extended family we have.

monkeysbignuts Mon 08-Oct-12 12:11:07

I am one of 3. My brother is an utter arsehole who has caused no end of stress for our family and my sister is like my best mate.
You just don't know how things will turn out.
I have am about to have my third child because I believe siblings are very important. yanbu op

SlightlyJaded Mon 08-Oct-12 12:12:25

I am the same as Numberlock - only child, mother was an only child and my DF's sisters all lived in Australia and died young. So no siblings, cousins, aunts - nothing.

I have always wished I had an older brother, but I know that it is a idealised view that I have of how he would be my rock and always look out for me. Of course, in reality, he could be an arse.

I have good friends and now DH an my own DC but I must confess that I am struggling a bit with my mum who has dementia and my dad who has reacted very badly to her illness. I do sometimes wish there was someone to share the burden and fifteen phone calls a day with

LadyInDisguise Mon 08-Oct-12 12:14:07

A brother or a sister isn't the same as a friend.

I am always shock at people on here who tell someone to forget about family and have friends instead.
Friends are very different. They are not for life. Just look at easy it is to loose contact. People move away. Someone says something a bit off and that's it. No need to 'make things work' unlike family where most people do put a bit more effort into.

Of course, there will always be people who have issues with their siblings, whose siblings is this or that. But overall, there is no way you can compare friends and siblings. They just aren't the same.

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