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to want inlaws to lay off DD a bit, she's only 2.5!

(74 Posts)
newcommer Sun 07-Oct-12 22:28:02

I can't help feeling slightly upset and annoyed after conversation with DBIL today, that he is genuinely surprised that DD is not writing her name yet, or that I am not even getting her to practice.

It just seems that instead of concentrating on the things our DD can do, that the inlaws will spend more time correcting her mistakes in grammar ect, which I understand that they want her to improve, but I can see that it does dampen her spirit.

I don't feel DD is falling behind her peers, she can easily use 10 word sentences and recite nursery rhymes, but maybe I'm not spending enough time teaching her, helping her reach her full potential, I just feel that at not even 3 yet that I shouldn't come down too hard on her.

I guess what I am really asking is how old were your children when you started practicing their writing skills, and is my parenting really that slack?

quirrelquarrel Mon 08-Oct-12 06:18:53

as she goes ballistic, keeps saying,'"It's amazing, who would of thought we have the next Jackson Pollock", "that's amazing darling, try to throw it more"

My mum once convinced my uncle that one of my paintings was the latest thing in modern art grin a sea of red splodges. tho er I think she might have convinced herself that he was convinced!

pigletmania Mon 08-Oct-12 06:43:52

She is only 2 fgs, a baby. Just give her crayons and paper and encourage her to mark make

pigletmania Mon 08-Oct-12 06:44:17

Ignore, ignore,ignore

tethersend Mon 08-Oct-12 06:51:03

Tell them that you're developing her tact and empathetic skills, which you feel are far more important wink

tethersend Mon 08-Oct-12 06:51:46

(DD nearly 4 and still not writing, BTW)

Convert Mon 08-Oct-12 06:54:19

That's so unfair of them. She's only tiny, my DS couldn't write his name properly til about 4. My inlaws correct my kids baby talk, like DS used say living lounge because I call it a lounge and DH calls it a living room. He also use to say car keys and fil corrected him so he stopped saying them and I was furious.
His speech was perfect and I thought the mixed up words were really sweet!

Florabeebaby Mon 08-Oct-12 07:50:21

OMG! She is 2...I didn't write my name until I learnt to do it in school at the grand old age of 6! (Not UK) And I'm fine...

My DD, 22 months, doesn't really even speak yet, just a few words very badly pronounced...wonder what they would say about her?


RubyStolenBootyGates Mon 08-Oct-12 07:59:09

DS2 turned 4 yesterday, and despite his claims he could write his own name for about the last year, it's only been recognisable for the last month or two. (and that's the short three-letter version).

He's very, very bright but has absolutely no interest in "mark-making". I'm not worried, OH isn't worried, and his nursery aren't worried.

Knittingnovice Mon 08-Oct-12 08:11:06

Ds is 4, just started reception and can't write his name. I get grief from sil whose ds is 6 weeks younger and has been writing since he turned 3. I don't care, ds will write when he is ready & can instead identify ridiculous amounts of steam engines from pictures.

Madmum24 Mon 08-Oct-12 08:29:33

Being able to write your name/supercalafragalisticexpialidocious is no indication of IQ/any type of intelligence. My daughter's occupational therapist who is Austrian was horrified that kids in UK schools use a pencil before the age of 7. A short chubby crayon or short piece of chalk is ideal to encourage the tripod grip, but FGS she is 2!

OP YADNBU but I do find this type of behaviour in some famiilies is prevalent and only gets worse as more children are born so get used to it. Arm yourself with facts (children in Scandanavia don't start formal education until 7, and at age 10 their mathmatical/language skills are greater than UK children of same age, for example) and have confidence in your parenting and your daughters own learning pace.

Enjoy your dd while you can, when she does start school you will miss these days!

AlwaysOneMissing Mon 08-Oct-12 08:56:48

Your inlaws sound very annoying!

My nearly 3 year old is barely interested in even picking up a crayon and definitely not in writing yet. He would much rather be running round like a loony!

Although I will also admit to correcting grammar, as I don't want him getting into bad habits with his speech.

With your ILs : smile and nod, then totally ignore!

noviceoftheday Mon 08-Oct-12 09:07:17

Dd has been able to write her name since just before she turned 3 and can now also read simple words. However, that's definitely not the norm. Mil keeps crapping on about how dh learned to read at the age of 2 and as soon as dd turned 2 mil kept asking when she was going to learn to read hmm. As everyone says....ignore, ignore, ignore...even though its so hard! I know I couldn't read or write at 2/3, and I turned out just fine! Your in laws sound moronic.

HoratiaWinwood Mon 08-Oct-12 09:11:39

I like RubyRoo's suggestion and also:

tell them she writed poems when they are not there, so it must be them putting her off.


Wrt correcting, children do not learn from correction, they learn from modelling. And while they are making mistakes they are learning.

If she says "I falled down" then she has learned to make a past tense with -ed. Hurrah! You reply "you fell down, did you?" and she gets reinforcement of the right version, and reinforcement that her comments are listened too.

If on the other hand FIL says, "no you didn't, you fell" then she thinks "what? I did falled, what's Grandad going on about?" which is the opposite message.

HoratiaWinwood Mon 08-Oct-12 09:14:33

Fuck. Listened to. Fucksake.

lobsters Mon 08-Oct-12 09:18:19

Tell DBIL that DD can't write her own name yet, but she seems to have mastered his signature beautifully, which you think might come in handy.........

AnonymousBird Mon 08-Oct-12 09:26:52

How ridiculous! YANBU

DS showed absolutely no interest whatsoever in learning phonic sounds and writing until just turning 5 at the start of YR. Once he got going however, there was no stopping him and 3 years on, he is comfortably in the top third of his class for literacy and reading. Let them go at their own pace, presumably your BIL has no kids of his own? Or none of your DD's age or older anyway, otherwise, he would know he was being a complete twat.

KellyElly Mon 08-Oct-12 10:21:27

Good god tell them to bugger off. It's not a normal milestone to be writing her name at 2.5!! My DD is 3 this month and has shown no interest in writing her name and it's never occured to me to think anything of it.

How early children can do things like write their name means not a lot - my dd loved to draw and possibly as a consequence could write her name quite neatly and a few other family names at just turned 3 (Kindergarten told me off for teaching her - not UK smile ) however now she is 7 she's still good at art but academically average - she had good fine motor skills not academic genius smile My DS only learnt to write his name at 4.5 and is only now at just turned 5 showing the remotest interest in letters or reading, (although he's been quite good with numbers for a while). I have no reason to think he is any less intelligent at all...

Your in-laws are talking nonsense, and apart from anything everyone should be taught from the age of 3 onwards that nobody ever takes unsolicited parenting advice...

Pixieonthemoor Mon 08-Oct-12 12:08:41

My dd who is pretty bright (sorry for the boast but just to put it into context) was past her 4th birthday before she was writing properly. DS (just average academically from what I can tell) is just 4 and is at least half a term away from making properly legible marks. Both of them are at a pushy, academic hot house of a school too!!

Put your in-laws straight - you have no idea where they are getting their information from but it is just plain wrong to be concerned that a 2 yr old cannot write their name yet. Actually, not just wrong - utterly bonkers!! Don't let them worry you.

BlueSkySinking Mon 08-Oct-12 12:12:35

Why pressure her to write her name at only 2.5? I really wouldn't worry about name writing at all, they might help teach her in pre school if she is interested but failing that she will catch on very very very quickly in reception class. My son is presently in reception and has gone from being a total non reader to reading basic words like cat, mum, run, the, she, him etc in the space of 5 weeks. But in fact most of his class are doing the same regardless of what they were doing before the summer.

I always think all fine motor skills are linked - so drawing, junk modeling and writing are all largely the same skill set really. If she is interested, I would push creative outlets and spend lots of time reading to her. Inspire her and have fun with her, sod forcing them to jump through hoops prematurely.

BeauNeidel Mon 08-Oct-12 12:19:23

They are being utterly ridiculous!

My boys are 4 in January and are speech delayed. They have weekly speech therapy. Doesn't stop family from commenting a lot on it though hmm

I remember seeing one of my dads neighbours a while back - she has a daughter about the same age as my boys. She is bounds ahead of them in her speech and apparently, 'loves reading with Reading Eggs'. When the mum said that it was blatantly obvious she was just boasting to try and get a rise. I just said that if I could I wouldn't start any formal education for my children till the age of 7 like they do in Sweden. I do actually believe that as well! We read together and look at words but they are THREE they really don't need to be learning now!

BTW though this was the same mother that brought her child round to see mine when she suspected she had measles angry My dad told me a couple of days later, I was sick with worry as my baby is too young to have had the MMR - turns out she had eczema. Clearly a bad guess when she saw a rash, but FGS at least Google symptoms before you go all out on the hysteria!

Ok....totally off on a tangent there, sorry! I suggest you practise your best blank stare and say, 'she's not even three yet.' If they need more clarification than that, you can say she's not even old enough for pre-school yet, let alone proper school!

BlueSkySinking Mon 08-Oct-12 12:19:58

Can you mention how quiet she is around them? Email them some links too 'Here I've emailed you some links so that you can see what a normal 2.5 year old can do'

newcommer Mon 08-Oct-12 21:20:56

Thank you Bluesky, link has made very interesting reading smile . BIL does not have any children at the moment. Makes me sad to think of his children being such a disappointment to him when they don't quite reach his stupidly high standards!

EverybodysSpookyEyed Mon 08-Oct-12 21:34:02

When BIL has kids they will be the most advanced and intelligent child ever to have roamed the earth. And you'll be looking at 3 yr old jonny sitting gormlessly (whilst picking his nose) and you will feel a huge surge of smuggery!

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