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to want inlaws to lay off DD a bit, she's only 2.5!

(74 Posts)
newcommer Sun 07-Oct-12 22:28:02

I can't help feeling slightly upset and annoyed after conversation with DBIL today, that he is genuinely surprised that DD is not writing her name yet, or that I am not even getting her to practice.

It just seems that instead of concentrating on the things our DD can do, that the inlaws will spend more time correcting her mistakes in grammar ect, which I understand that they want her to improve, but I can see that it does dampen her spirit.

I don't feel DD is falling behind her peers, she can easily use 10 word sentences and recite nursery rhymes, but maybe I'm not spending enough time teaching her, helping her reach her full potential, I just feel that at not even 3 yet that I shouldn't come down too hard on her.

I guess what I am really asking is how old were your children when you started practicing their writing skills, and is my parenting really that slack?

Way2Go Sun 07-Oct-12 22:36:32

You need to tel DBIL to butt out. What a pillock!

TheSurgeonsMate Sun 07-Oct-12 22:36:56

Is your DBIL's child called "Jo"?

Flojo1979 Sun 07-Oct-12 22:38:23

My DD is nearly 4 and can't write her name. She tries but she's not good at realising the letter go from left to right!
But my DD is much more interested in learning how to catch a ball or ride a bike.
Whereas DS who is 7 can't ride a bike but could write loads of words by 3!

noblegiraffe Sun 07-Oct-12 22:38:36

My 3 year old can draw pictures of bottoms. I'm so proud.

HeathRobinson Sun 07-Oct-12 22:38:38

One of mine wasn't even talking at 3.

I think I left writing skills till they did them in school. Can't really remember. And that's the point really, it'll all be forgotten about in time, anyway.

elizaregina Sun 07-Oct-12 22:39:48

so frustrating, they all come at things in thier own time, why rush them?

What is the advantage of a child drawing at 2 or picking it up and learning much faster at 3.

my in laws were really pushing piano lessons from 2.

a piano teacher i trust who teaches some very well to do children said - unless there is a genuine special talent for it - a child of 2/3/4 will take three months to learn something where as a child of 5/6/7 could pick it up ina week - so whats the point?

same with potty training and everything else.

one friend was very worried about her little boy - who didnt speak much until 2 - worried something might be wrong with him, smug friends saying what thier DC could do - and then all of a sudden he spoke alomost in sentances and now at 4 has the reading skills of an 8 year old and is a year ahead in class!¬

storminabuttercup Sun 07-Oct-12 22:40:13

Wow, DS is two and won't even say his own name, never mind write it!

Your BIL sounds weird!

Tryingtothinkofnewsnazzyname Sun 07-Oct-12 22:41:16

That's ridiculous. Do they have kids? Next time, laugh openly at them and say 'What? Next you'll be asking me if she can do brain surgery yet! What are you on about?'

Casmama Sun 07-Oct-12 22:44:29

My ds is three and I'm still not sure if he is left or right handed far less writing his own name. They are being ridiculous.

Isindebusagain Sun 07-Oct-12 22:46:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubyrooUK Sun 07-Oct-12 22:46:40

Oh ignore them. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Today my FIL began banging on about how my DS (2.1 yrs) needed to be taught to walk more even though he was tired after walking several miles and I didn't mind carrying him.

I said "he is TWO - he gets tired and wants his mum". Then FIL started on about how I needed to lay down the law to him and tell him 'he was a big boy and now you are pregnant only the baby will get carried by mummy'.

I argued back a bit, pointing out that I wasn't going to start telling him that when DC2 isn't here yet and DS might feel pushed out....then I realised I was wasting my breath.

FIL has just forgotten what it is like to have a two year old or would choose different battles from me. So in the end I just said in my most innocent tone:

"Oh well, I'm sure you know best. After all, X [my DH] is so obedient even now. I imagine he would definitely have walked when tired if you told him to."

My MIL practically choked laughing as DH was the most obstinate child (and adult) on earth. FIL attempted a gracious smile and ended up laughing a bit himself.

DS got carried. smile

DoMeDon Sun 07-Oct-12 22:46:58

When would they like her to just be a child? I prefer the idea of 'teaching' a child nothing until they are about 7. They pick up, absorb and take on so much through interaction, play, their own natural interest. Sitting down with a pen and making them learn something they frankly don't give a teeny tiny shiney shite about is pointless and 'look at me' parenting.

GhostofMammaTJ Sun 07-Oct-12 22:49:20

My DS was not interested in picking up a pen or a pencil until he started school. As he is a September baby, that was on his 5th birthday.

The other day, we were watching Countdown in bed at stupid oclock. They were playing the letter game. He said 'That's just silly, the only bit of that that is readable is the e and the d-ed'. In just over a year he has come on enough to be confident that something that is a jumble of letter is unreadable.

Your DD is still only a baby, plenty of time for reading and writing and grammar later one, right now she is busy learning other things. Among those things are who is nice and kind to her and who is critical and not worth bothering with.

GhostofMammaTJ Sun 07-Oct-12 22:50:10

later on*

WinkyWinkola Sun 07-Oct-12 22:52:02

Oh just ignore your bil. He's the cretin, not your DD. When she's 10 and all her peers etc are writing and she's not, then you need to worry.

It sounds like they're putting her down unnecessarily and personally, I'd be stepping in and telling them to shut up.

EverybodysSpookyEyed Sun 07-Oct-12 22:55:50

At her age I would just be encouraging mark making. DD is very keen to colour (scribble!). DS couldn't have cared less at that age

I think you need to perfect your 'are you an idiot?' face and the accompanying tone while saying
'she's only 2.5!'

or just sarky comments, like, 'we don't worry about her writing because we're concentrating on her IT GCSE'

Regarding grammar - I must admit that I always correct my kids. Not in a pushy way, I just repeat the sentence back. I hope DD just thinks I'm confirming my understanding but she also takes it in!

quoteunquote Sun 07-Oct-12 23:16:24

OP, take your in laws very seriously, you must for the sake of your child, she must learn to do her signature ,

announce that you are very relived to find where DD's talent lies, and you had been sharing their concerns,

next time you go over there, take lots of acrylic paint, pour into large trays, lay out some huge sheets of paper, all over the garden,(give DD a bag of sweets)

as she goes ballistic, keeps saying,'"It's amazing, who would of thought we have the next Jackson Pollock", "that's amazing darling, try to throw it more"

Insist that she is truly a new talent.

berri Sun 07-Oct-12 23:23:37

Oh god, my nearly 4 yo can't write his name, or even the first letter, unless he's tracing over mine!

This reminds me of the time FIL repeatedly asked why we weren't toilet training 10 mo hmm

newcommer Sun 07-Oct-12 23:53:52

I am relieved that I'm not being unreasonable to want my little girl to be able to enjoy discovering the world for a little while, without being bogged down with academia smile. I have made a point of saying that maybe PIL/BIL should relax the correcting a bit until she's older, but they either pretend they never heard me or roll their eyes.

I don't think it is going unnoticed by DD because she seems to talk a lot less than usual around them. I have heard on the grapevine, that they are not happy that I don't ask them to babysit often, but they see her usually every week with me there, but I really don't want them to see her unsupervised because their pressurising can cause her to be quite stressed.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan Mon 08-Oct-12 00:09:43

both my children were interested in writing their names. dd at 22 months would take my finger and jab it on the paper demanding "name" ds at 2 used to ask for me to hold his hand whilst he wote his name. dd did not write her name independently til age 4. (where you could see all the letters not some letters and some random squiggles) ds is 4 and has now lost interest in writing his name, though occasionally does 3 circular scribbles to represent his name.

however early they are interested,they will still endup writing their name when they are ready. if they are not bothered, so what. they may be learnign all sorts of other things.

all that correction will not help her to learn. it will just stop her trying in case she gets it wrong. silly sods are stopping her learning.

Devora Mon 08-Oct-12 01:36:34

My dd has just turned 3. She is, naturallement, the cleverest child the world has ever known. But she's not writing her name wink

uselessinformation Mon 08-Oct-12 01:47:31

My son spoke only a few single words until he was three and suddenly came out with sentences! He didn't read or write very well until he was seven and everything clicked into place. That age is when a lot of other countries start formal learning. He did learn his phonics in reception and could say the letter sounds so I knew he would not have a problem learning to read when he was ready.

Psammead Mon 08-Oct-12 02:07:20

DD is 2.10 or thereabouts and can draw circle and lines. Sometimes these squiggles are a flower, or a bird, apparently. If she was called lolo we'd be laughing. Or even lil.

Ridiculous to expect her to be writing!

thebody Mon 08-Oct-12 05:45:56

If a relative of mine 'rolled their eyes' at me over my parenting I would tell them to fuck right off, correct that grammar!!!

Where's your dh in this?? He should be telling then to butt out. Seriously they sound mad.

quirrelquarrel Mon 08-Oct-12 06:01:17

She's 2!

I was around 2/3 when I started writing (reading came much later, and I'm sure it wouldn't have come so quickly if I'd been pushed into it earlier) but my mum was constantly with me all day, and I bet I spent hours in front of a paint palette and expanse of paper a day, because I was obsessed with paint, it was bound to happen (she couldn't have me ruining much more paper afterall....). We have pictures and things with writing on it from around that age, but the writing was obviously shaky and I put a million bars on my E's instead of just three grin
I'm not stupid, and I'm definitely no Einstein! obviously babies develop at certain rates. Of course they should lay off her, she'll come to it in time and it doesn't mean she won't be very bright.

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