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I'm not BU but have no idea what to do about this

(32 Posts)
FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 21:55:26

More of a what would you do.
There's a mum at ds's school that I knew when I was at school, completely random how her kid ended up at the same school as my kid since it's a completely different town!
Anyway, she's kind of clung on to me a bit. We didn't really get on at school but I thought, it's been 8 years, we both would have grown up etc. So we walk up to the school together and back together because she lives 5 mins away from me (down one long road) and I'm getting more and more uncomfortable with this walk.
She's very aggressive towards other people, if someone even brushes past her she starts effing and blinding at them, all I can do is kind of mutter 'I'm so so sorry' when she turns around. I'm not into confrontations at all, I'm quite a shy person and I hate arguing. The other day she decided to get the bus back from school and I said I'd walk so I crossed the road and there were 3 nuns walking towards her and one of them must have brushed past her or something because the next thing I hear is her shouting 'Oh EXCUSE ME, FUCKING RUDE!' She shouted at the nuns!!
She's been banned from the local tesco for being racist towards the cashier. She goes on these long racist rants and looks at me expecting me to agree with her. I do say that I don't agree with her but it doesn't stop her going on these rants.
She shouts at other mums in the playground too. It's embarrassing!
I cant seem to get away from her, as I said we live on the same road and there's no other route home from the school.

Sorry for the long post but I'm really not sure how I can go about this?

SecretCermonials Sun 07-Oct-12 22:08:44

You say "sorry I dont agree with your racist views and I dont like your language" then whilst she is swearing at you say " this is what i mean" and then walk away if needed

FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 22:11:30

I honestly think she'd punch me if I said that! She's so aggressive it's unreal.

itwasallyellow Sun 07-Oct-12 22:18:01

Make excuses every day to go in the complete opposite direction, shops, visiting a friend, going for a walk, anywhere you can think of.

Take you child to breakfast club even if it's just 10 minutes earlier.

Tell her you have nits or something else that will make her run a mile.

Bore her to death, start telling her youre going home to read some book that she'll have never heard of and start telling her all about it.

steppemum Sun 07-Oct-12 22:23:35

I think I would leave home 5 minutes early - oh sorry did we miss you? -
and then at the end of the day say - you go on ahead I am just going to the shop/seeing a friend

I personally would say something about her views, but I realise that not everyone would and especially if you want to avoid her being aggressive.

Distance her by being unavailable, even if it is inconvenient for a while, break the pattern.

FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 22:23:58

I had to do that over the summer holidays a lot, she text me pretty much every day saying we should get together. Some days I do manage to get ahead of her so I'm too far away for her to catch up but after school is more of a problem. I might have to start taking ds into town everyday after school or something haha.

itwasallyellow Sun 07-Oct-12 22:28:47

I know it's hard, I've had awful 'friends' like this who are just hangers on, not my cup of tea at all and who can get really aggressive if you say the wrong thing.

I have always found that boring them to death works well. People like this usually crave drama. So I usually yawn a lot and say how tired I am, how I can't wait to get home and sleep/watch a documentary. And anything they try to talk about just shrug and say Oh I don't know about that. That way they got bored of me without me having to bin them off.

FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 22:32:02

I think she clings on to me because I'm the only one that will put up with it. I admit I am a pushover, I hate confrontation so much. I always end up having to apologise for her after she's walked off, I'm really worried people will think I'm like that because she's always hanging around me, but I'm not at all.
I will try being really boring haha, I hope it works.

HollaAtMeBaby Sun 07-Oct-12 22:56:40

Think you need to choose between growing a pair and having everyone assume that you're as bad as she is. If you hate confrontation, why are you going about with someone who loves it?

FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 22:59:47

Because I can't get away from her! She follows me around :/
I realise that I am coming across as quite pathetic but she is quite scary!

LastMangoInParis Sun 07-Oct-12 23:02:06

You poor thing, Ruby. She sounds quite scary and really unpleasant. I can see why you wouldn't want to be confrontational with her.

Have you tried latching on to a group when she's around? If others won't put up with her then you'll probably find protection there, and I'm sure others will appreciate that you need to get away from her.

Apart from that, just avoid, avoid, avoid! She sounds horrible.

FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 23:05:44

I did try and stand with some of the other mums but she comes over anyway and starts her usual ranting about something or other and they slowly edge away....

LastMangoInParis Sun 07-Oct-12 23:10:10

You're gonna have to edge with them, Ruby.

LastMangoInParis Sun 07-Oct-12 23:11:39

You might have to get a bit inventive.
When you see her heading your way, get into intense conversation with someone. And move away. They'll understand. Also, it will let you make an excuse, if necessary.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman Sun 07-Oct-12 23:14:11

You're going to have to move or hope she does. It's so hard to shake people like that off because it's a nightmare when they like you, but it will be 1000 times worse if you tell her you don't like her.

pictish Sun 07-Oct-12 23:15:52

Nightmare situation!! How unlucky you are!

berri Sun 07-Oct-12 23:16:19

I feel for you - I know it's not easy when people are confrontational. Maybe could you say that your DS has started to get scared of raised voices or being around lots of other people, and then drag him home early?

Or say you're going to practise spelling, times tables or something (don't know how old your DS is) on the journeys to and from school so you'd prefer to do it just the two of you? Could even say it was suggested by a teacher to help him in class?

berri Sun 07-Oct-12 23:17:21

Could you start taking a bike to school? One which DS could go on too? Then you could just get on and leave when you want?

LastMangoInParis Sun 07-Oct-12 23:17:34

Is it possible for you to talk to one of the other mums about it?
It sounds as if you need to enlist some help. and from what you say about her behaviour, nobody would think you were strange, rude or pathetic to want to not be around her. I think someone would help you out if you pointed out that she's latched on to you, she's scary and out of order, and asked them if they could stick around for a bit so you don't get left with her.

FrenchRuby Sun 07-Oct-12 23:24:49

I can't bike to school because I have my dd who is in her pushchair still, that's another thing! She always dumps her shopping and her ds's school bag, lunchbox etc on my pushchair, drives me up the wall. I did say to her once could she not do that because I had a bad back and it was heavy and she glared at me and walked off...
Maybe if I just said that everyday haha!

DoMeDon Sun 07-Oct-12 23:49:07

You do need to assert yourself. Repeat things like a broken record. She will be unpleasant about it to you but it won't kill you and then it will be over.

DoMeDon Sun 07-Oct-12 23:49:36

You do need to assert yourself. Repeat things like a broken record. She will be unpleasant about it to you but it won't kill you and then it will be over.

SoleSource Sun 07-Oct-12 23:54:24

Pretend to be on the phone, or expecting a private call.


MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Mon 08-Oct-12 00:02:47

She sounds awful!

Maybe you could say you can't talk to her anymore because your DH has become insanely jealous and is convinced you are having an affair with her? wink

Seriously though you are going to have to nip it in the bud before you get dragged in further. You could always say that you can't walk with her because you want to spend that time chatting to your dc and that time is really important to them? If not I think you'll just have to bite the bullet

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor Mon 08-Oct-12 00:13:34

Ugh she sounds monstrous. Get some giant headphones to wear and tell her you're learning Japanese while you walk?

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