Talk

Advanced search

I don't know what I do to people?

(5 Posts)
normanm Sun 07-Oct-12 21:53:09

More a what would you do. I have namechanged for this.

I have never been particularly popular however until a few years ago I had a small group of friends that I could rely on.

In recent years I have found it really hard to make friends at all and even my old trusty ones seem to have disappeared. The usual way things go with me is that I usually meet someone who might be a potential friend, meet a few times and then I call and get what I would describe as a polite blow off. Very few of my friendships last for more than a year.

I actually don't know what I am doing to people to put them off me and am curious to know if it would be unreasonable to ask if I have done something to upset them. The last time it happened I actually asked said friend who I had known for 3 years if I had done something to upset her and she said "no, let's meet up" which we did and then I never saw her again afterwards.

What would you do?

aroomofherown Sun 07-Oct-12 21:58:39

Hmm. Difficult to say without knowing you. I can say though that making friends as I'm getting older is harder because people seem set in their groups and less inclined to bother with a new friendship. Is it a case of people just being busy and this (being a new friendship) is lower down the priority list?

normanm Mon 08-Oct-12 21:26:49

Maybe - I had not considered that would be the case. It just feels a bit more personal for some reason because they tend to be around for a while and then I get blown out or people make excuses. I am starting to find it really hurtful. Also, I assumed that when DS started nursery I would make friends and would have playmates - it does not seem to have happened for either of us.

suebfg Mon 08-Oct-12 21:35:47

I seem to suffer from this too and even though DS is now in year 2, I haven't made many new friends. I think it's partly down to people having existing friendships and partly down to not having that much in common with some of the other mums, apart from having a child in the same class. I chit chat to many mums but would only invite perhaps one or two round for a coffee.

WMittens Mon 08-Oct-12 22:02:28

I'm in a slightly different situation, but with a similar outcome - I struggle to maintain relationships.

There's a psychological theory called transactional analysis which tries to describe human social interactions (along with many other things). The book TA Today is a good introduction to the subject. It suggests reasons why people (unconsciously) enter into relationships with people that will result in a negative outcome (e.g. abusive relationships, unsustainable relationships, etc.).

It may help you to analyse where things are breaking down, or if necessary you could see a counsellor or therapist and analyse it together (sometimes it's more beneficial to bounce ideas off someone else).

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now