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I don't know what I do to people?

(5 Posts)
normanm Sun 07-Oct-12 21:53:09

More a what would you do. I have namechanged for this.

I have never been particularly popular however until a few years ago I had a small group of friends that I could rely on.

In recent years I have found it really hard to make friends at all and even my old trusty ones seem to have disappeared. The usual way things go with me is that I usually meet someone who might be a potential friend, meet a few times and then I call and get what I would describe as a polite blow off. Very few of my friendships last for more than a year.

I actually don't know what I am doing to people to put them off me and am curious to know if it would be unreasonable to ask if I have done something to upset them. The last time it happened I actually asked said friend who I had known for 3 years if I had done something to upset her and she said "no, let's meet up" which we did and then I never saw her again afterwards.

What would you do?

aroomofherown Sun 07-Oct-12 21:58:39

Hmm. Difficult to say without knowing you. I can say though that making friends as I'm getting older is harder because people seem set in their groups and less inclined to bother with a new friendship. Is it a case of people just being busy and this (being a new friendship) is lower down the priority list?

normanm Mon 08-Oct-12 21:26:49

Maybe - I had not considered that would be the case. It just feels a bit more personal for some reason because they tend to be around for a while and then I get blown out or people make excuses. I am starting to find it really hurtful. Also, I assumed that when DS started nursery I would make friends and would have playmates - it does not seem to have happened for either of us.

suebfg Mon 08-Oct-12 21:35:47

I seem to suffer from this too and even though DS is now in year 2, I haven't made many new friends. I think it's partly down to people having existing friendships and partly down to not having that much in common with some of the other mums, apart from having a child in the same class. I chit chat to many mums but would only invite perhaps one or two round for a coffee.

WMittens Mon 08-Oct-12 22:02:28

I'm in a slightly different situation, but with a similar outcome - I struggle to maintain relationships.

There's a psychological theory called transactional analysis which tries to describe human social interactions (along with many other things). The book TA Today is a good introduction to the subject. It suggests reasons why people (unconsciously) enter into relationships with people that will result in a negative outcome (e.g. abusive relationships, unsustainable relationships, etc.).

It may help you to analyse where things are breaking down, or if necessary you could see a counsellor or therapist and analyse it together (sometimes it's more beneficial to bounce ideas off someone else).

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