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to ask you what you tell your kids about their parent teacher meeting

(24 Posts)
AngelaMerkel Sun 07-Oct-12 21:25:25

25 years later i'm still angry with my mother for putting the most negative spin possible on the parent teacher feedback. (to clarify I got grades for Medicine). So a teacher saying 'Angela can no doubt get an A, but as always you jsut have to do the work' would be presented to me as 'You'd get an A if you weren't so lazy'. AIBU to think this was piss poor parenting regardless of intention or ... Anyting else really.

candr Sun 07-Oct-12 21:33:43

That is really sad, poor you but well done you.
I always tell the children in my class what I will tell their parents (most of them can guess anyway) as I feel it is important for them to know. I am always surprised by how many parents do not discuss the meeting with their kids afterwards. There are always some good things (even if I have to look hard for them) and something to work on plus we chat about the childs personality and how the parents feel their children are doing. My mum is also a teacher and could be quite negative about my ability as she always felt I could do better regardless of how the rest of the class was graded. It always drove me mad that she did not look at things in context. If I got a C and the top student got a B then a C was quite good but she thought I should have an A (even though I was never as clever as the top student) I hope I don't do this with my DS as he gets bigger.

BackforGood Sun 07-Oct-12 21:35:43

That's sad, but these days, the children are expected to be at Parents Evenings, so it's a different thing altogether.

PomBearWithAnOFRS Sun 07-Oct-12 22:13:32

I tell them the truth, but emphasise the positive. We have been lucky with the three youngest that the negatives haven't been actually bad as such, just small things they can fix, so we've been able to have plenty to praise and bring up the stuff they need to work on after that and get them to "just try a bit harder/pay more attention to XYZ" in a positive way.
I am that parent in as much as I will ask about my child and I don't give a shit about anyone elses. I don't want to know how mine compare to "the average" or every/any other child, I want to know if they are trying their best, applying themselves, and working hard, and have quite often had responses from the teacher that makes me feel I am one of a very few parents who feel that way, which is a bit depressing.

sausagesandwich34 Sun 07-Oct-12 22:16:14

I use the shit sandwich technique

something good, something they need to improve, something good

be are encouraged to take DCs to parent's meetings from yr3, but I don't

it's called parent's evening for a reason!

AngelaMerkel Sun 07-Oct-12 22:18:17

sorry for the typos. Too much Chateau Maudlin tonight. My parents got a lot right, but this I think was catastrophically wrong.

WorraLiberty Sun 07-Oct-12 22:18:51

The kids are expected to come to parent's evening her at Senior School

At Primary they can come if they want to but it's not expected.

I think it's great - particularly for senior school kids because they get to hear it first hand and if they think the teacher's being unfair or has got the wrong end of the stick, they can say so.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 07-Oct-12 22:19:30

Your parents could have said the same thing in a nicer way. I find myself saying similar to my dc sometimes, but in a positive way like 'Mrs B thinks you are excellent at this, this and this, and she thinks you could get an A if you work harder on xxx'.

To be fair to your parents, they can't have done too bad a job if they have helped enable you to do medicine.

YouBrokeMySmoulder Sun 07-Oct-12 22:20:03

Shit sandwich here too. This is what is going well, with examples, and then this is what we need to work on, this is how we are going to do it. Like a work performance management blush

AngelaMerkel Sun 07-Oct-12 22:23:03

Outraged, 25 years ago I would have agreed with your final comment. Now I think my grades are despite them.

BreakingGlass Sun 07-Oct-12 22:27:38

Dsd1 comes with us as she is at secondary school. Dd1 is at primary school and not allowed to come. If the teacher was mostly positive, we try to put everything in a positive light.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Sun 07-Oct-12 22:27:43

Your reaction seems quite extreme for what is basically a poor choice of wording on your parents behalf.

What is the actual reason you are pissed off with your Mum?

AngelaMerkel Sun 07-Oct-12 22:35:39

outraged.. I think it is because she could have chosen to say something thay approximated the truth and instead saw parent teacher as a free kicking/opportunity to pay back for whatever teenage shit we gave her (numerous siblings got the same)

Loshad Sun 07-Oct-12 22:37:43

time to move on Angela?

AngelaMerkel Sun 07-Oct-12 22:37:49

just to be specific, my dad attending one parent teacher meeting that I remember (for my next sister up). It was very very different, so this was my mother specifically

AngelaMerkel Sun 07-Oct-12 22:39:40 probably

AuntAda Sun 07-Oct-12 22:43:29

I tell my dc: "Miss X said you were a revolting little child who never stops talking nonsense and making a complete nuisance of herself". And they say, "No, but what did she really say?"


AngelaMerkel Sun 07-Oct-12 23:29:47

auntada...why? Do you want your kids to think that anyone might possibly think them revolting? Why is that funny?
Sorry for being humourless about it, but actually help me with the logic?

ripsishere Sun 07-Oct-12 23:38:25

I tell my DD eXctly what the teacher has told me. Good or bad. She is pretty resilient, I suppose she's had to be with me as a mum.
DH has never been to a P/T conference. He is normally at the other end of them telling parents about their children.
It will be interesting to see him about DD grin

AuntAda Mon 08-Oct-12 09:43:14

AngelaMerkel - - er, because my kids think it's funny? And I don't like to deprive them of an opportunity to roll their eyes at me and go, "Oh Muuuuum, you're so predictable".

I do threaten to beat them and lock them in the broom cupboard quite often as well, which they also seem to find quite funny, along with my well-worn lines about their supper consisting of floor sweepings and fried worms.

I realise that other families may not share our sense of humour, but my dc are now perfectly sane older teenagers who seem to be mentally unscarred by their upbringing, so it's all good. smile

RaspberryLemonPavlova Mon 08-Oct-12 10:12:38

Like AuntAda we have a similar standard response on returning from Junior School Parent's evening, but then we go on to discuss the actual report properly. As their actual report is always completely opposite its just a bit of fun.

We use the praise/something to work on/ praise technique as well.

My older DCs go with us, and they are called Progress Evening rather than Parents evening. Junior School children are not expected or encouraged to attend with parents.

cory Mon 08-Oct-12 10:28:32

We have always been encouraged to bring our children to parent/teacher meetings so that any proposed strategies can be discussed with them. Certainly the secondary school would be very hmm of dc didn't bother to turn up.

KatieScarlett2833 Mon 08-Oct-12 10:31:05

Mine have always came along.

dysfunctionalme Mon 08-Oct-12 10:34:13

Ours are student/teacher/parent conferences which some parents don't like as they want to talk to the teacher about the child (which you can arrange to do) but I like as my dc get excited about it, prepare like crazy and are proud to tell me where they're at. They also talk about their goals and wotnot.

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