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to be horrified someone said this about my friend and WWYD?

(55 Posts)
mummytowillow Sun 07-Oct-12 17:03:54

My friend has come to stay for the weekend, she lives 300 miles from me. We went out last night in a group of six girls, all dressed up and I thought we all looked good!

We had quite a bit to drink and I got chatting to a woman I've seen around but never spoken to before, she was very nice and said innocently 'look at that is that a transvestite' pointing at my friend, blush

I didn't want to embarrass her and said no she is lovely but didn't crack on she's my best friend.

Thing is she apparently has a point, I asked another close friend discreetly if she thought this and she said yes! And I'm horrified! OK my friend is a big girl, 5ft 10 and insists on wearing the highest shoes she can find so looks very tall, she has naff 80's hair which she is trying to grow out? She admits its naff!

She had an all black outfit on and black trendy leather jacket and I thought she looked ok? But the more I look at what she wears, I'm debating if it not 'age' appropriate, we are both knocking on the door of 45! wink

So WWYD, I hate that people think this of her, so how can I approach it or should I leave well alone?

I've posted before about some people in a pub laughing behind her back a about her hair and I plucked up the courage and told her about it and she agreed, but this is potentially very hurtful? sad

manicinsomniac Sun 07-Oct-12 17:05:58

I wouldn't say a word!

Especially if she's already growing her hair out. She can't help being tall and maybe heels help her feel more feminine

CollieEye Sun 07-Oct-12 17:06:37

Don't. This is really hurtful.

<evil side> you could start calling her Lola and see if she can figure it out

itwasallyellow Sun 07-Oct-12 17:08:26

I think that people shouldn't be so shallow and judgemental about the way other people look.

I don't think that I could ever say to a friend that actually people think that you look like a drag queen. I realy don't have the energy these days to worry what people look like and would value a friendship over apearance.

LynetteScavo Sun 07-Oct-12 17:08:48

Erm....I wouldn't say anything directly to her. I think at 45 she's old enough to know what she looks like. The only thing you could do is suggest a make-over, but that would be imposing on her how you would like her to look.

When I was out recently, there were some girls of about 21ish who were all really dressed up (very high heals, fake tan, very short skirts, big hair, lots of make-up including huge fake eye-lashes) Now, they were all very pretty girls, but one just didn't carry off this over the top look well, and yes, she looked a bit like a transvestite.

cocolepew Sun 07-Oct-12 17:10:04

If she is happy about how she looks/dresses it's nobody elses business.

YouMayLogOut Sun 07-Oct-12 17:10:42

Just ignore the idiots. Your friend knows what she looks like and her appearance is entirely up to her.

thebody Sun 07-Oct-12 17:12:19

Good grief, keep your mouth shut and if anyone else makes comments about her tell them to stop being bitchy.

Who cares how she looks, anyone of any age (adult) should wear what the fuck they like and that's that.

nkf Sun 07-Oct-12 17:16:41

I'd have said that's my best friend. And I wouldn't say anything to her.

Soupqueen Sun 07-Oct-12 17:20:15

I have a friend who is 6 foot tall and always wears heels on a night out. She says that if someone isn't man enough to deal with her height, in heels, she'd rather know at that stage and not waste any time.

I applaud her (from a distance, at 5 foot)

MadgeHarvey Sun 07-Oct-12 17:20:28

I didn't want to embarrass her and said no she is lovely but didn't crack on she's my best friend

You sound every bit as shallow as them tbh. Does your friend know that you're really no friend of hers?

aldiwhore Sun 07-Oct-12 17:21:52

Even if piss takers have a point, if it will hurt your best friend, say nothing about that instance.

However if you ever have a shopping trip and she picks her usual garb, break into bad 80's song.

My prefered stance is to say "and? So WHAT!" if anyone criticises someone I love.

GoSakuramachi Sun 07-Oct-12 17:22:31

Of course you should leave well alone, by saying anything you are one of those shallow and judgemental people. Who cares what anyone else thinks of her?

BonnyDay Sun 07-Oct-12 17:22:55

Used to have a colleague with huge 80s hair. She still does I think

BonnyDay Sun 07-Oct-12 17:23:24

We called her big hair Jane.

usualsuspect3 Sun 07-Oct-12 17:25:41

You sound as bad as the idiot taking the piss.

usualsuspect3 Sun 07-Oct-12 17:26:18

My neighbour has 80s hair, flicks and all. I still like her though.

BenandBolly Sun 07-Oct-12 17:28:47

Well of course image and external looks are so important aren't they? Thank god she's getting her hair changed because hair style is certainly one of the most important things for women to think about hmm

suburbophobe Sun 07-Oct-12 17:31:02

I think that people shouldn't be so shallow and judgemental about the way other people look.

^^ this!

Who cares what other people think! If she is a friend and you are both there for each other, what more can you ask for in life?

are the people making judgements friend when it comes down to it?

They sound very prejudiced. (sp?).

KateShmate Sun 07-Oct-12 17:31:15

Oh dear, I'm 5'10" and, the few times in a blue moon, that I go out I wear my highest heels ever! I never normally get a chance, and like a PP said - it does make me feel more girly and feminine!
She's obviously happy and she sounds really confident so I wouldn't say anything smile

suburbophobe Sun 07-Oct-12 17:31:46

your friend

KenLeeeeeee Sun 07-Oct-12 17:35:12

Well for a start, what I would have done right there and then is tell the bitchy girl to stop being such a bitch, point out that she's talking about my BEST friend and ask her why she feels it necessary to conform to some abstract idea of femininity in order to have a good night out.

If your friend feels good and has fun, what the effing jeff does it matter if she's 5'10 and wearing 6" heels?

If you didn't "crack on" that she's your best friend to this girl, maybe you need to ask yourself WHY that is, and if it's because you felt a bit embarrassed to be associated with someone who was the butt of cruel jokes, you need to reassess just how good a friend you actually are to this woman.

ScarahStratton Sun 07-Oct-12 17:43:25

I'm 5'9", and now I'm wondering if I should stick to flats too.

I'm curious, what is 'naff 80's hair'?

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sun 07-Oct-12 17:46:53

She should wear what the hell she likes if she likes it!!

Screw the people who make snap judgements and you should not say a dam thing

AreAllMenTheSame2 Sun 07-Oct-12 17:48:10

If you're friend is happy with the way she looks then good for her!!! Its feck all to do with anybody else how she decides to dress or have her hair.

But in my opinion by your post you don't sound like a very good friend.

1. didn't crack on she was my best friend
2. thing is, she apparenly has a point. I asked another close friend if she thought this and she said yes!
3. Ive posted before about some people in a pub laughing behind her back about her hair and I plucked up the courage to tell her about it

So you didn't put the woman straight about your friend as you didn't want to embaress her? Why would a strangers feelings be more important than your friends?

You then went and spoke about it to another friend, why? Was there any need? So two woman who your friend things are her friends have ben talking about her behind her back agreeing she looks like a transvestite.

You plucked up the courage to tell your "friend" people were laughing at her? Plucked up the courage my arse!!! If someonwas laughing at my friend id confront them or if i ddnt i wouldnt then go and tell my friend. What did you gain from telling her this? Apart from making her feel uncomfstable on a night out?

I think your "friend" needs to get some new frinds tbh.

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