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To assume I've been dumped and move on?

(51 Posts)
Itsnotahoover Sun 07-Oct-12 08:42:51

Bit of quick background: been seeing a guy for 5 years off and on. Never anything "serious" due to lots of issues with his family etc but suited me and I loved him to bits. He went abroad at the beginning of June to visit family for a couple of weeks... And hasn't come back! Not had so much as a text or postcard to let me know he's ok! I was upset at first, now 4 months on, I'm just pissed off!

I have met a really nice, uncomplicated guy who has hinted he would like to take me out. WIBU to assume I've been dumped and go out with this guy? To be honest, even if he did come back now, I think my reaction would be to tell him to feck off. And maybe punch him grin

(By the way, I know he's not dead as I did a bit of snooping on the book of face and his son's profile has been regularly updated with pictures of them having a jolly good time!)

OrangeLily Sun 07-Oct-12 08:45:23

This happened to an acquaintance of mine, turns out if was an arranged marriage he had gone home for. Then she realised she was preggers. Then the wife got preggers. Then he moved the wife back to acquaintance's home town! Nuts!

shrimponastick Sun 07-Oct-12 08:49:49


Date the new guy.

Itsnotahoover Sun 07-Oct-12 08:50:06

Not much chance of that in this case as he's a 50 year old divorcee with 3 grown up kids grin I can't even begin to imagine an excuse for not contacting someone for 4 months. Especially someone you've been in a relationship of sorts with for 5 years! Come to the conclusion he's just an arsehole that doesn't deserve me!

HeathRobinson Sun 07-Oct-12 08:50:58

Date the new guy.
Have some fun.

RobynRidingHood Sun 07-Oct-12 08:51:12

You said it was on-off. So perhaps he thinks he's in an off period?

geegee888 Sun 07-Oct-12 08:51:58

YANBU. Especially if the new guy is younger with less baggage.

Have you tried contacting him yourself?

Itsnotahoover Sun 07-Oct-12 08:52:19

We have generally mutually agreed the off periods. But who knows? Git!

ledkr Sun 07-Oct-12 08:53:45

Not sure you even need to be dumped, if someone I was seeing didn't contact me for a month I'd dump him. Yes have se fun with new guy,other one sounds far too complicated anyway,

Itsnotahoover Sun 07-Oct-12 08:54:07

His phone isn't switched on, I'm guessing he's left it at home. But he knows where I live so a postcard wouldn't be out of the reals of possibility! I am actually at a point where I don't care, but it would be nice to have been told!

PedanticPanda Sun 07-Oct-12 08:55:12

Yanbu, go out with the new guy and have fun.

Itsnotahoover Sun 07-Oct-12 08:55:37

New guy is same age as me, separated with kids similar age to my ds and seems a nice chap. Seeing him at work today so I think I'll bite the bullet and ask him out for a drink smile

sookiesookie Sun 07-Oct-12 08:55:45

Go have some fun he would have no right to expect that you wouldn't when he has not contacted you in this long.

I bet, though, he will pop up again sometime with some rubbish excuse. Probably pretending to be hurt and shocked you have been seeing someone else. If so I would tell him to jog on.

LindyHemming Sun 07-Oct-12 08:55:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsnotahoover Sun 07-Oct-12 08:57:54

Euphemia my self esteem is pretty low, yes. But I'm not waiting around, I just feel it would've been polite to tell me I'm dumped!

Fecklessdizzy Sun 07-Oct-12 09:04:37

It would, and he sounds like a prize pillock ... Stuff him and on to pastures new!

AuntieStella Sun 07-Oct-12 09:13:33

Four months with no contact, and no means for you to contact him?

(I wonder if he's been checking to see if you're dead).

No, it doesn't sound as if he's that bothered. Personally, I'd rather end the relationship cleanly before moving on to the next man (and it does sound as if you'd prefer to be seeing him than waiting indefinitely), but if you can't reach him then you can't do that. But do tell him properly as soon as you can.

HecateLarpo Sun 07-Oct-12 09:13:40

Not unreasonable at all. He is, though. Go, have fun. Anyone who expects you to wait around when they can't be arsed to contact you isn't worth waiting for.

Foxy800 Sun 07-Oct-12 09:22:14

Go and enjoy soem time with new guy. The only person here being unreasonable is the other guy.

Itsnotahoover Sun 07-Oct-12 09:23:15

Yes I'd rather have the chance to tell him where to go before I date someone new, but I can't so it'll just have to wait until he gets home. If he comes home. Although he's got to really as he has a house and a shop to sort out at some point! I'm off to work in a minute, new guy will be there! Wish me luck! Lol

MikeOxard Sun 07-Oct-12 09:30:00

Yanbu. Date the new guy. If knobhead comes back, definately tell him to feck off. Punching at your own discretion. grin

CalamityKate Sun 07-Oct-12 09:31:01

Go out with the new guy.

When you haven't seen hide nor hair of the other one for a year, send him a text saying "I think we should cool it for a while, this isn't working for me" :D

HeathRobinson Sun 07-Oct-12 09:32:25

Good luck with the new guy!

TerrorNotSoFrightened Sun 07-Oct-12 09:33:51

Are you sure the other guy is still alive?

BitOutOfPractice Sun 07-Oct-12 09:34:40

Yanbu. Hope the new guy is lovely

What intrigues me is how people can have their lives arranged so that they can fuck off and leave their homes / jobs / everything for 4 months at a time without So much as a by your leave

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