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To think Mumsnet has changed me?? (or Mumsnet vs The Real World)

(329 Posts)
Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 07:59:56

Mumsnet has changed my thoughts and attitudes in the four years I've been prowling these 'ere boards.

I have a big group of friends in RL and a lively, jokey social life blah de blah but my hackles get raised so much more quickly now. My attitude and knowledge about feminism, porn, domestic abuse, is much more evolved than it was pre Mumsnet (I didn't really think about these things to be honest). Now I speak up and challenge dodgy views - (hopefully) in a good natured/bantery way.

BUT it's weird when you get a RL vs Mumsnet jolt! When a group of intelligent, fab real life women talk dismissively about things that people would go nuts about on here. It's like a parallel universe in some ways. So sometimes I think it's made me go slightly insania.

Anyone else remotely know what I mean?!

Toomanyworriedsonhere Sun 07-Oct-12 08:40:31

I am also much more likely to be kind and supportive to other parents having a tough time with kids in public.

On crowded tube the other day family of 6 or so got on with wailing toddler in mum's arms and dad with buggy. I offered the dad a seat and he said 'it's okay' and i said 'it doesn't sound okay'. He then called over to his wife 'she says you have to sit' so the mum and wailing child did sit and the child stopped wailing.

Better for everyone, but I wouldn't have been so assertive without thinking of this from their perspective thanks to mn.

SucksToBeScaryMe Sun 07-Oct-12 08:41:06

Totally agree. I wish i'd found this website years ago.

PrimaBallerina Sun 07-Oct-12 08:48:58

YANBU. Me too - although I don't agree with all generally accepted MN views.

nuttyprofessor what a lovely example, I'm glad things are working out well for you*

SmokyClav Sun 07-Oct-12 08:50:10

I have learnt so much, about many topics, but particularly about health and additional needs. I was wowing someone in rl with an explanation of how constipation causes rivers of poo, and they really thought I was an expert. Simply parroting what I've read on here.

tallwivglasses Sun 07-Oct-12 08:54:01

Me too. I would have chucked out exP years ago. As it is, MN has given me the tools to see how manipulative and gaslighty he can be and we get on a lot better now he's aware I've rumbled him. Ha!

Fecklessdizzy Sun 07-Oct-12 08:59:52

I actually used wankbadger in conversation for the first time yesterday - to general consternation/hilarity and felt like I'd passed some kind of secret initiation test! grin

You're a loverly nest of vipers, so you are thanks ( also not drunk )

ledkr Sun 07-Oct-12 09:01:12

I agree too, mine eyes have been opened, only negative thing for me is its made me a little I easy over the behaviour of men and even though dh seems perfect I can't help wondering if he will change,
The porn/lap dancing thing is the one that has made me think the most though,
I used to think I was cool cos it didn't bother me whereas I can now see the other side,

ledkr Sun 07-Oct-12 09:01:47


TroublesomeEx Sun 07-Oct-12 09:03:22

grin @ Smoky

LouMacca Sun 07-Oct-12 09:06:51

YANBU! I too am more likely to challenge things that I would have let slide before.

I am actually amazed though how many people stay in unhappy marriages and how many have emotional/physical affairs. MN helped me confront my DH about our dwindling relationship and made me realise that there is nothing wrong with going to Relate, it's helped us get things back on track!

AnastasiaSteele Sun 07-Oct-12 09:18:58

MN opened my eyes to an abusive relationship, that it wasn't in my head and that I needed to get help.

I feel like a right harpy though and am pretty sure I annoy some people on here because I feel like I'm posting on other posters threads that their DP or DH is abusive and posting Women's Aid number. It's not because I want them to be in an abusive relationship, I want to help as I've been helped.

I also think I'm less judged and having my views challenged. It's good.

CrunchyCowPat Sun 07-Oct-12 09:22:40

I have been lurking for over a year (just recently started posting). MN has made me less judgy, raised my awareness of issues such as DV and ensured I knew I wasn't alone when I found 50 Shades to be a pile a shite and everyone else was raving about it.
I have cringed when buying DC (9 and 6) a Greggs sausage roll during the summer, and I although I don't really swear unless provoked in RL once told DH to fuck the fuck off....
He was well impressed.

Kalisi Sun 07-Oct-12 09:35:35

I'm an opinionated cow and reading some of these threads has actually made me change my opinion!!! Mid rant sometimes. Now that's a powerful forum.

confusedpixie Sun 07-Oct-12 09:41:54

YANBU OP. I don't really have friends IRL, though when meeting people now I've been dismissing people far more quickly in the 'potential friend' category for saying/doing/acting in a way that pre-MN I would have just put up with.

I always try to smile at those with tricky toddlers, offer to help where I can (holding another child's hand or something, I've always been turned down but I offer) and whilst I used to offer a hand to parents struggling with a buggy and stairs and similar situations anyway, I think I'm more open to seeing those situations now. Whether that's because of my job or MN or a miox of both though I don't know!

I think coming to MN through my fromative young adult years was probably the best thing that could have happened to me, even if I did run away and not come back for a few months after a bunfight on my idealistic view on adoption in the UK! I have since realised how difficult they make it to adopt but my 18yo self was overly optimistic hmm

I also use MN phrases IRL and on FB, nobody knows what I'm on about! DP also uses MNisms which is funny. We had a minor argument not long ago where he told me I was being very unreasonable, which promptly stopped the arguing as we both broke down in giggles grin

Fuck the fuck off and then fuck off some more has become DPs choice jokey 'insult' when we're winding each other up too, though he usually only gets to "fuck the fuck" because he's very ticklish hmm/wink

Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 09:45:01

The only subject I feel is argued about in a counter productive and unsupportive, overly judge way is....breast feeding! Drives me nuts.

Way2Go Sun 07-Oct-12 09:49:48

I think I am less judgey too. (although I thought I wasn't before....but now I see I was blush )
I am especially less judgey about DC's or parents apparent naughty behavior.

Spuddybean Sun 07-Oct-12 09:53:42

I totally agree. I'm not sure if it has changed me or that in most cases it has made me aware of things i never would have thought about beneath the surface. Also it has made me consolidate my opinions. Where i knew how i felt but could not articulate it, i know know exactly my stand and reasons on a lot of subjects.

MN has also massively improved my relationship with DP by increasing my awareness of my worth and confidence to stand up for myself. Whereas before i thought maybe i was odd (as my mum is a doormat so was my only model). Despite DP's horror at the beginning it has meant our relationship has improved no end and he is happier to. smile

chosenone Sun 07-Oct-12 09:57:26

I agree 100%. Sounds twee but I really feel I belong here grin along with the fruit shoot type info I have had some really eloquent political/ news type debates that have really interested me. I have had some amazing support when going through divorce and other family issues. I also think the straight talking, to the point advice on AIBU is amazing as RL friends can be so much more agreeable!
Mumsnet has made me question the relationship I have with my parents though, I never really realised how controlling and slightly toxic they are sad when I feared divorcing as it upset them. However, I've also read stories so tragic it makes you appreciate and accept your family whatever their flaws, I'm just glad I'm aware of them and can stand up to my parents as the grown up I now am.
Many many times I have been moved to tears by the efforts people will go to to support one another or offer real practical help when others need it. Thinking if the baby milk for neighbour thread. The support for each other is truly phenomenal I honestly believe and r rather than comparing are glittery tickets etc. I'm also a more confident feminist and so are many others I know who mumsnet. long may it continue ladies.

bigkidsdidit Sun 07-Oct-12 09:59:00

I was always a feminist but mumsnet has really turned me into an activist and I am so confident from mn - I like lizzie's description of a ready brek glow - that I challenge sexist remarks etx now.

Mn has made me so much more driven in life - as a feminist , in my career - I find Xenia very inspiring, even though I only agree with 50% of what she says - and as a mother. I love it here smile

amandine07 Sun 07-Oct-12 10:01:08

YANBU! I find that the older I get, the more feminist I seem to become.
I'm 34 now and there is stuff I don't accept from men that I would have just glossed over & accepted a few years ago.

Yes maybe it's the whole getting older thing in general, but I have to say its helped crystallise issues and make me realise that I am definitely not BU about certain things. That said, obviously there is a healthy dose of reality and judging each situation on its own merits.

I am just a lot more 'aware' about issues now, especially to do with men & relationships etc. thanks MN!

NellyBluth Sun 07-Oct-12 10:08:43

I definitely agree.

Some of it is just little things you learn - like the fact that the spaces on buses are for wheelchair users, not for buggies. I honestly thought that it was for both, which with hindsight was pretty stupid of me, and I'm glad that I learnt that.

But I read about so many tragic circumstances on her (DV, abuse, illness) and it has opened my eyes from the probably rather blinkered and innocent view I had on life.

I actually have a friend who is very negative in her outlook, generally about very small issues. I want to tell her to come on MN and read around for a few days and see what real problems are. Being a bit busy with work is not a real problem.

50smellsofshite Sun 07-Oct-12 10:19:30

This place really gives you an education.

I this its because we all live in our little part of the world, mixing with the same kind of people who generally hold the same sort of views.

Here, you have access to all sorts of views and for me personally women who are far more educated and articulate than I could ever hope to be. People I can really learn from. I'm a much better person fo it.

I hear friends, family and colleagues talk now and I think "you are so damn narrow-minded" a lot of the time.

Everyone I know gets all their information from the Daiy Mail.

But, I still don't think this is a balanced or representative selection of soviets. There are some arguments that sway too far a certain way that make me feel it's because the demographic is the way it is <intentionally vague>>

I love this place I do.

DilysPrice Sun 07-Oct-12 10:28:12

I threw my Mumboots away grin.

Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 11:05:47

Shit, what are Mumboots?

YouOldSlag Sun 07-Oct-12 11:09:10

I was using a ladies toilet yesterday and had both DS2 in a pushchair and DS1 (6) outside the door. I went in the cubicle and talked to them through the door to make sure they didn't run off etc.

When I came out, a woman (on crutches incidentally) said "you know, you can buy a radar key for only about 3 quid. Why don't you do that and then you can take the pushchair in the Disabled loos with you?"

I was open mouthed. I wouldn't DREAM of it! Has she never heard of Mumsnet? That was my "I am a true Mnetter to the bone" moment.

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