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To think Mumsnet has changed me?? (or Mumsnet vs The Real World)

(329 Posts)
Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 07:59:56

Mumsnet has changed my thoughts and attitudes in the four years I've been prowling these 'ere boards.

I have a big group of friends in RL and a lively, jokey social life blah de blah but my hackles get raised so much more quickly now. My attitude and knowledge about feminism, porn, domestic abuse, is much more evolved than it was pre Mumsnet (I didn't really think about these things to be honest). Now I speak up and challenge dodgy views - (hopefully) in a good natured/bantery way.

BUT it's weird when you get a RL vs Mumsnet jolt! When a group of intelligent, fab real life women talk dismissively about things that people would go nuts about on here. It's like a parallel universe in some ways. So sometimes I think it's made me go slightly insania.

Anyone else remotely know what I mean?!

NeedlesCuties Sun 07-Oct-12 08:04:46


That's 100% how I feel too smile

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead Sun 07-Oct-12 08:08:12

Yep. Maybe a lot of us need to start a new country where our values will then be the majority instead.
Every single day I find myself more feminist and edging further left! grin

Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 08:10:12

I suppose it's a good thing..well it's definitely a good thing. But it's those weird moments when you think 'Bloody hell this conversation would never happen on Mumsnet'.

Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 08:10:37


FancyPuffin Sun 07-Oct-12 08:10:38

I know exactly what you mean!

PeggyCarter Sun 07-Oct-12 08:11:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 08:13:32

Two examples from the last year or so:

One example was a friend telling us her dh had drunkenly vommed on her baby's new clothes. There was laughter and 'God what a twat' but no 'LTB'!

A male friend joking about a colleague saying 'Friday night is Wife Rape night'. I said 'That's not at all funny - that's very disturbing and offensive'. He looked really embarrassed and was backtracking like mad.

Nuttyprofessor Sun 07-Oct-12 08:13:53

It has certainly changed my marriage and view of men. I realised it is not men that are narcistic self serving pains it is my man, or was.

MN made me realise I should leave the bastard. He didn't want to be left and worked really hard to change. I now have a good husband and the DC' have a good father.

Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 08:14:35

Puddlejumper - I am very, very aware of wheelchairs and buggies on buses. I'm more aware and more considerate.

picnicbasketcase Sun 07-Oct-12 08:15:24

I never used to be ashamed of buying Fruit Shoots

Shakirasma Sun 07-Oct-12 08:15:27

YANBU I am exactly the same. I kind of feel more tolerant, less judgy of strangers, and more aware of 'isms'.

I also get incredibly frustrated with narrow mindedness and judginess by friends, when only a short time ago I would have been agreeing with them 100%

Toomanyworriedsonhere Sun 07-Oct-12 08:17:42

I'm also way less judgy and much better informed (I think) on certain issues.

LizzieVereker Sun 07-Oct-12 08:18:26

MN has given me a kind of Ready Brek glow of confidence: it has made me braver about standing up for things like the people above have said, it makes me feel that there are other people out there who "get" me, and that there are people who would support me if I needed to talk things through.

Toomanyworriedsonhere Sun 07-Oct-12 08:19:46

I also love the way mn has reinforced and reawakened my 80s feminist views. My old RL friends are pretty feminist but my mum friends made in the last 10 years aren't and it's good to see there are lots of others out there.

gettingeasier Sun 07-Oct-12 08:20:02

I know what you mean too

I find I have to keep my mouth shut around issues in friends marriages. I have always been stridently anti "I should do everything because I am female" but MN has really shown me just how insidious male dominance is.

After my divorce and discovering MN I really feel its women who do almost everything practical and emotional in a relationship. On here people tend to get that but in RL they think you are an embittered man hating divorcee , mostly because they dont even see it or want to go there so deeply embedded is the whole thing

margerykemp Sun 07-Oct-12 08:20:33

Same here.

GoldenPeppermintCreams Sun 07-Oct-12 08:20:38

I know what you mean. I am now more judgy or less judgy, depending on what the topic is.

TuesdayNightClub Sun 07-Oct-12 08:26:01

It has changed me in all the ways you describe, OP, but I do feel that MN is quite unrealistic in many ways. There is such a cross-section on here that I read opinions on here that I have never heard in RL and don't expect to. This relates in particular to things that are unacceptable in the home (laminate flooring, air freshener, toilet brushes, twigs in a jar, photos of oneself, the list of items on the MN unapproved list is a bit silly I have them all in spades )

Unfortunately I sometimes use MN language in RL and get some funny looks. The other day I said "You are SO not being unreasonable" (the matter of reasonableness or otherwise had never been raised) and then "oh, BUNFIGHT!" in the space of about 5 minutes. The others were confused

TroublesomeEx Sun 07-Oct-12 08:28:10

It must have changed me.

My daughter is 6. The other week we went to hospital for her and she opted for the stairs rather than the lift because:

"the lift is for people who can't use the stairs and if we use it they might have to wait for ages for it. We can use the stairs".

She has the same attitude towards disabled toilets. And is quite vocal if someone says "just go to the disabled toilets, they're closer".

Other than that, I'm probably less judgy in general.

nameuschangeus Sun 07-Oct-12 08:31:54

I was going to post exactly this yesterday (until phone scuppered me but that's another story)

I think mn has definitely made me a better person - more tolerant, less judgey, more arsey with intolerant judgey people in rl and generally a rounder person who can see others points of view better.

It has also ensured that my house is a tip and that I have to stop myself from writing things like aibu in rl situations. grin

Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 08:32:44

YY to the taking the lift thing!

Also if a child is misbehaving I don't assume the mum is rubbish. I think maybe the child has learning disabilities or there are other issues at play. I even talk to said mother in a supportive way - and I'm a Londoner! shock

TroublesomeEx Sun 07-Oct-12 08:32:56

Probably should clarify - I wouldn't have used disabled toilets/blue badge parking spaces anyway, but the lift issue wouldn't have occurred to me.

It was the fact that I must have said things out loud about the lifts issue for DD to say it herself and then realise that that also applied to the toilets.

I'm not an arse!

Proudnscary Sun 07-Oct-12 08:36:09

Yeah, right FolkGirl hmm grin

MadameOvary Sun 07-Oct-12 08:37:42

I was going to post something like this. MN combined with a DV support group has completely changed me. If you read the thread on here from just before DD was born, when I asked AIBU not to want my toxic ex's then 8y/o daughter at the birth (this was his idea not hers), I sound hopelessly naive.

If that happened today...well it wouldn't. I would have dumped him at the first sign of a red flag.

MN has given me a clarity which is invaluable, because I can pass it on to my DD.

I'm not remotely drunk, but I really really love each and every one of of you that helped me. grin

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